Moving out tomorrow
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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Moving out tomorrow
Things with the now XAF declined rapidly in the last few days. He swears up and down he isn’t using Xanax but his behavior says otherwise. At this point, I don’t even care. He’s not the man I fell in love with. He is like a rabid porcupine, doing and saying whatever it takes to get me out of his life and house. There was a lot of quacking that made no sense or was designed to hurt.
My friends are helping me move my stuff into storage tomorrow. I’m devastated and mad and hurt and a million other feelings. He knows I sold all my furniture and TV to move in with him. He knows I can’t afford to live on my own. He clearly doesn’t care. I don’t know this man.
A part of me wishes I hadn’t done all this therapy and work to stop being codependent (I did all that before I met him) because that meant I set and enforced boundaries, didn’t fall into the blame game...but damn, now I’m homeless at 51 and he’s in his beautiful place on the water. I’m alone and he’s happy and at peace (he says. He has 37 days so I doubt that highly). Things were easier when I lived in denial, you know? I was also desperately unhappy and losing myself a little more every day, so I know rationally that I’m far better off with this stronger self I have but...sigh.
I don’t want to go through the painful days ahead. I had my life planned out. A forever person. A beautiful home and security. Or so I thought.
Just the fact that he could so easily do this to me says a lot about either who he truly is or how the addiction is controlling him. I don’t know which. And frankly I don’t care anymore.
send good thoughts for strength to get through moving day, please. And that I can start moving forward again today instead of spending my day crying and mourning.
My friends are helping me move my stuff into storage tomorrow. I’m devastated and mad and hurt and a million other feelings. He knows I sold all my furniture and TV to move in with him. He knows I can’t afford to live on my own. He clearly doesn’t care. I don’t know this man.
A part of me wishes I hadn’t done all this therapy and work to stop being codependent (I did all that before I met him) because that meant I set and enforced boundaries, didn’t fall into the blame game...but damn, now I’m homeless at 51 and he’s in his beautiful place on the water. I’m alone and he’s happy and at peace (he says. He has 37 days so I doubt that highly). Things were easier when I lived in denial, you know? I was also desperately unhappy and losing myself a little more every day, so I know rationally that I’m far better off with this stronger self I have but...sigh.
I don’t want to go through the painful days ahead. I had my life planned out. A forever person. A beautiful home and security. Or so I thought.
Just the fact that he could so easily do this to me says a lot about either who he truly is or how the addiction is controlling him. I don’t know which. And frankly I don’t care anymore.
send good thoughts for strength to get through moving day, please. And that I can start moving forward again today instead of spending my day crying and mourning.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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TriStrong…….You have the right. and, I would even say the Obligation to take care of yourself. You are doing the right thing....and, you will not go wrong when you are l ooking after your best welfare...
I call this the short-term pain......for the long term gain!
You already know that material goods, alone, do not satisfy the soul......
I call this the short-term pain......for the long term gain!
You already know that material goods, alone, do not satisfy the soul......
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Location: The Beach
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TriStrong, I'm sorry you are having to go through another period of adjustment when you had thought you had found your place to Be. That has to be be very frustrating and disappointing. I think it's more than fair that you let yourself mourn for that before (or while) moving onwards and upwards.
Beaming some positive vibes your way to help you get through this day.
Hang in there, you got this! *hugs*
Beaming some positive vibes your way to help you get through this day.
Hang in there, you got this! *hugs*
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
Life rarely goes to plan especially in total. That fact that you made the decision to leave shows you can adapt and live in reality.
If his issues are as bad as observed he might not be in his place much longer. You have a head and fresh start.
Hang in there and good luck.
If his issues are as bad as observed he might not be in his place much longer. You have a head and fresh start.
Hang in there and good luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
The easiest, straight arrow path to goodness and everything we truly want/need is something that often strengthens us greatly along the way.
Are you staying with a friend, at a shelter, another safe place? There may be a different view of this transitional time, if you'd like one. Positive words and meanings can be super beneficial. Allowing an awareness of this step and timeframe being important to your wellbeing and honoring this.
Are you staying with a friend, at a shelter, another safe place? There may be a different view of this transitional time, if you'd like one. Positive words and meanings can be super beneficial. Allowing an awareness of this step and timeframe being important to your wellbeing and honoring this.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Mango212 
The easiest, straight arrow path to goodness and everything we truly want/need is something that often strengthens us greatly along the way.
Are you staying with a friend, at a shelter, another safe place? There may be a different view of this transitional time, if you'd like one. Positive words and meanings can be super beneficial. Allowing an awareness of this step and timeframe being important to your wellbeing and honoring this.
Are you staying with a friend, at a shelter, another safe place? There may be a different view of this transitional time, if you'd like one. Positive words and meanings can be super beneficial. Allowing an awareness of this step and timeframe being important to your wellbeing and honoring this.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Tristrong, I am surely wishing you the best tomorrow. I hope your moving goes without a hitch.
It's a miserable deal absolutely. I get the wishing sometimes that you didn't know what you know, but you do and what you are doing is the right thing for yourself and that's can't be wrong, it just cannot be.
It's a miserable deal absolutely. I get the wishing sometimes that you didn't know what you know, but you do and what you are doing is the right thing for yourself and that's can't be wrong, it just cannot be.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Tristrong, I am surely wishing you the best tomorrow. I hope your moving goes without a hitch.
It's a miserable deal absolutely. I get the wishing sometimes that you didn't know what you know, but you do and what you are doing is the right thing for yourself and that's can't be wrong, it just cannot be.
It's a miserable deal absolutely. I get the wishing sometimes that you didn't know what you know, but you do and what you are doing is the right thing for yourself and that's can't be wrong, it just cannot be.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
TS
No decent caring guy would just get you out of his house / life suddenly knowing you have no back up plan. Doesn't matter how badly he now thinks about you.
Not saying I am anything special but I bought a house for my addict (her) to live in. I paid for everything. Over time things did not go well & there were a lot of illegal activities going on. Long story short, I had no choice but to force her out. It was a disaster.
Regardless of how I felt about her at the time, I made absolutely certain she had sufficient time to find an acceptable place to live. I helped her find a new place. I paid to move her & paid for whatever was needed to set up her new place. I did not just boot her to the curb.
You did the right thing by leaving. This guy is a POS for treating you this way. Obviously he only cares about himself.
No decent caring guy would just get you out of his house / life suddenly knowing you have no back up plan. Doesn't matter how badly he now thinks about you.
Not saying I am anything special but I bought a house for my addict (her) to live in. I paid for everything. Over time things did not go well & there were a lot of illegal activities going on. Long story short, I had no choice but to force her out. It was a disaster.
Regardless of how I felt about her at the time, I made absolutely certain she had sufficient time to find an acceptable place to live. I helped her find a new place. I paid to move her & paid for whatever was needed to set up her new place. I did not just boot her to the curb.
You did the right thing by leaving. This guy is a POS for treating you this way. Obviously he only cares about himself.
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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I wrote him a letter, with the okay from my therapist, that is sort of an intervention/goodbye letter. Leaving it behind when I move out tomorrow with no expectations because if I have any, it will trap me in this web of grief and pain.
I totally agree, HardLessons, that this was a ****** thing to do. If he ever came back into my life there would have to be serious amends, urine testing, and couples counseling. Those are my dealbreakers, and without those, I'm not going back to him. I'm still pretty devastated that it's over, and having trouble believing it's real. But as my dad said, I have survived worse and I will survive this.
I totally agree, HardLessons, that this was a ****** thing to do. If he ever came back into my life there would have to be serious amends, urine testing, and couples counseling. Those are my dealbreakers, and without those, I'm not going back to him. I'm still pretty devastated that it's over, and having trouble believing it's real. But as my dad said, I have survived worse and I will survive this.
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Originally Posted by TriStrong
He knows I can’t afford to live on my own. I had my life planned out. A forever person. A beautiful home and security. Or so I thought.
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Originally Posted by Refiner
These words here show that you are still codependent on others (him, in this case). You put all your hopes, dreams and even livelihood (a beautiful house - on the water, even!) and security (from crime? financial? emotional? all of the above?) on another person. I know this sounds harsh while your wounds are still raw, but perhaps you may want to look into being self-reliant and self-sufficient and happy in your own person before you depend on another to make yourself whole/happy. That way a mere “person” will not make or break your dependence on what makes you whole/happy but might be the icing on your happiness cake.
The story of my divorce from my abusive and narcissistic ex should be a book 😊.
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
TS
If you go back to him in addition to serious amends, urine testing, & couples counseling add to your list "your name be placed on the deed to beautiful place on water"
If you go back to him in addition to serious amends, urine testing, & couples counseling add to your list "your name be placed on the deed to beautiful place on water"
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
Our situation is so similar is scary. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you are feeling.
I had just moved from my apartment hoping my fiancé and I could try a new beginning, he told me he would find professional help and that breaking up wasn’t even an option. He lived with me before l. It was a nice apartment and affordable for my situation. He knew we would be sharing the bills for the new place and I still have student loans. So I couldn’t afford to be on my own. Not even two months after we moved he ended thing, he didn’t care about anything. He also said he wouldn’t go to see his doctor ... basically gave up any promises and plans we had together.
I completely understand what you are going through. Therapy and Al-anon is helping me. Some days I feel like I can’t take the pain I wake up and go to sleep with. Is just too much. And is killing me to know that he is out there living his life like I’ve never been part of it.
I wonder if he has any idea of how I feel and what I’m going through.
Stay strong. This group has been amazing. I get good advices and constructive opinions, and I’m learning a lot from everybody here.
One day at a time we will get through this. You are not alone.
I had just moved from my apartment hoping my fiancé and I could try a new beginning, he told me he would find professional help and that breaking up wasn’t even an option. He lived with me before l. It was a nice apartment and affordable for my situation. He knew we would be sharing the bills for the new place and I still have student loans. So I couldn’t afford to be on my own. Not even two months after we moved he ended thing, he didn’t care about anything. He also said he wouldn’t go to see his doctor ... basically gave up any promises and plans we had together.
I completely understand what you are going through. Therapy and Al-anon is helping me. Some days I feel like I can’t take the pain I wake up and go to sleep with. Is just too much. And is killing me to know that he is out there living his life like I’ve never been part of it.
I wonder if he has any idea of how I feel and what I’m going through.
Stay strong. This group has been amazing. I get good advices and constructive opinions, and I’m learning a lot from everybody here.
One day at a time we will get through this. You are not alone.
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