Anyone else become physically ill from the stress?
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 3
Anyone else become physically ill from the stress?
First, I’d like to thank all of you who were so kind and supportive on my first thread. AH works graveyard shift all of October and will be sleeping in our trailer on those days. That will give me the space and break I need to gather my thoughts. I do have my own office/sewing room that I find peace in.
Ive been struggling with health issues and depression off iand on forever it feels like. Stomach pain, chronic fatigue, unable to focus, sleep, eat, etc. I went to ER last night because my doctor suggested it. I’m so thankful that nothing was found other than being “backedfto up”. So I did some research and realized I’ve been making myself sick by under eating and over stressing. Which is a terrible cycle because I sleep a lot and don’t keep the house up. AH sees me sleeping and sick so often that it depresses and frustrates him giving him all the more reason to drink.
I know I need to talk with him about this. I just don’t know how. I want to do my own thing and stay busy, it’s either my health or depression that keeps me down.
I just want to tell you all how much it means to me to not feel alone in this. I’m so grateful to have found you all. If you have been affected health wise, what are/have you been doing to recover?
Ive been struggling with health issues and depression off iand on forever it feels like. Stomach pain, chronic fatigue, unable to focus, sleep, eat, etc. I went to ER last night because my doctor suggested it. I’m so thankful that nothing was found other than being “backedfto up”. So I did some research and realized I’ve been making myself sick by under eating and over stressing. Which is a terrible cycle because I sleep a lot and don’t keep the house up. AH sees me sleeping and sick so often that it depresses and frustrates him giving him all the more reason to drink.
I know I need to talk with him about this. I just don’t know how. I want to do my own thing and stay busy, it’s either my health or depression that keeps me down.
I just want to tell you all how much it means to me to not feel alone in this. I’m so grateful to have found you all. If you have been affected health wise, what are/have you been doing to recover?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
Originally Posted by Grace4Ever 
AH sees me sleeping and sick so often that it depresses and frustrates him giving him all the more reason to drink.
He is an alcoholic, they drink to celebrate, they drink when they are sad, they drink when they are mad and they drink because there is a football game on - or not. That has nothing to do with you, unless you duct tape him to a chair and pour it down his throat.
Did he imply you are "making" him drink or did you decide this?
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it. No, you just don't have that power. If alcoholism could be cured by walking on eggshells or others behaving differently or love alone, this forum would be very quiet.
There are two sides of the street, your side and his side. Perhaps it's time to take care of your side only. Leave him to do what ever it is he does (which is drinking). Your side involves taking good care of yourself, focusing on your well being and living your life as you see fit, including being with your friends and doing things you love to do. When you see yourself wandering over to his side of the street (like concerning yourself with his drinking) - get yourself back to your side.
If your aches and pains and fatigue are all tied up in stress and he is causing your stress there is only one way out of that, look after you!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
First off I’m sorry for how you’re feeling. Just know, you feeling sick does NOT cause your A to drink. He drinks cuz that is what he does. If you weren’t sick it would be something else. Secondly, I too was getting physically ill by being around the A. I ran away from home for a time and I can tell you, being away from the stress the A created has done wonders. I went from an oversleeping, tired, pained body to feeling completely fine and rested in about a week. Please do take care of yourself. If you can get away please do so and focus just on yourself. You’ll be amazed....
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
You are definitely NOT alone. I have posted/responded many times about how my health declined greatly living with my alcoholic ex girlfriend. I’m still paying the price, 6 months later. I’m slowly getting better and healthier — but the stress and trauma of living or remaining in contact w/an active alcoholic is massively destructive. That’s why I needed to go NC. But there’s so many layers of PTSD that I’m still working hard to resolve. It’s a process, baby steps. Therapy helped big time for me. Some days I could barely lift any weights at the gym... but it was still a positive step to be there! Any healthy step is a good one, even if it appears to be very small. Remember, alcoholism affects everything and everyone it touches. But...... there’s still coping strategies you can take to help yourself.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 108
YES. The stress wreaked havoc on me physically and mentally. Being in a relationship with an A, in itself, is a sickness. Think about it... You might as well just say that you are "sick with AH and the following are the symptoms." As long as they are there, you will never feel 100%.
As others have said, he will always find a reason to drink. In what scenario does he ever stop drinking? I'm guessing there isn't one. They HAVE to drink until the damage from drinking actually becomes worse than not getting to drink.
As others have said, he will always find a reason to drink. In what scenario does he ever stop drinking? I'm guessing there isn't one. They HAVE to drink until the damage from drinking actually becomes worse than not getting to drink.
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 36
As my doctor has told me many, many times, "Stress is not good for you." Doh!
So, yes, I have experienced many sleepless nights, gastrointestinal issues, headaches, depression, lack of concentration, etc, etc, etc, all stress-related.
Recently, I've found if I sing a happy, uplifting song, even if I don't feel like it, it seems to lower my anxiety (and someone of a plus, it irritates the AH, but you know what? I don't want to be miserable anymore). And a day at the spa won't hurt! :0)
So, yes, I have experienced many sleepless nights, gastrointestinal issues, headaches, depression, lack of concentration, etc, etc, etc, all stress-related.
Recently, I've found if I sing a happy, uplifting song, even if I don't feel like it, it seems to lower my anxiety (and someone of a plus, it irritates the AH, but you know what? I don't want to be miserable anymore). And a day at the spa won't hurt! :0)
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 52
Oh my gosh.. I needed to see this today. I don't have any advice I'm currently in the same spot at you. Just wanted to say that I'm on this road with you.
I moved away and quit my job so for the first time in a long time I'm having to focus on no one else but me. This sucks. It is so much easier to fixate on his issues, or anyone else's for that matter.
Ok, so tomorrow I am making a list of things I want to do to explore this new area I live in. Obviously I need to find a job, but I have time and savings to not do that every single day. Besides, I think that would make me mental.
First I am going to find an Alanon meeting.
Secondly I have been exercising every day, and walking by the lake.
Thirdly, I have been posting here for the first time in years.
I don't feel great, and quite often I have a ton of anxiety, but I guess I'm just taking baby steps.
I realized today that I have no idea what I like or who I am. Ask me what my favorite color is and I couldn't tell you.
There's something really wrong with that.
If you want to talk, let me know, like I said we can walk this together if you like.
And ps.. what is your favorite color?
E
I moved away and quit my job so for the first time in a long time I'm having to focus on no one else but me. This sucks. It is so much easier to fixate on his issues, or anyone else's for that matter.
Ok, so tomorrow I am making a list of things I want to do to explore this new area I live in. Obviously I need to find a job, but I have time and savings to not do that every single day. Besides, I think that would make me mental.
First I am going to find an Alanon meeting.
Secondly I have been exercising every day, and walking by the lake.
Thirdly, I have been posting here for the first time in years.
I don't feel great, and quite often I have a ton of anxiety, but I guess I'm just taking baby steps.
I realized today that I have no idea what I like or who I am. Ask me what my favorite color is and I couldn't tell you.
There's something really wrong with that.
If you want to talk, let me know, like I said we can walk this together if you like.
And ps.. what is your favorite color?
E
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes. Stress wrecked me physically and emotionally. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it took me some time to get over it.
What I have done to combat is to remember that I feel so much better when I eat right and exercise. I make sure I have a friend network that I tell my real stuff to. Not just surface friends, they are good too, but the ones who know your deep darks.
I went to counseling which helped save me. I continue to post here. I have animals in my life and they give me much needed unconditional love and support. I keep busy with other stuff and put the focus on living my best life. I get out the of house if I am feeling blue. I meditate. I read. I go to church.
Whew. There is my life in a nutshell LOL. Don't think it's all perfect, it's not. As with anything, strength ebbs and flows. Some days are better than others. However, you really can change your brain pathways with enough work.
Sending you a big hug and tons of support!
What I have done to combat is to remember that I feel so much better when I eat right and exercise. I make sure I have a friend network that I tell my real stuff to. Not just surface friends, they are good too, but the ones who know your deep darks.
I went to counseling which helped save me. I continue to post here. I have animals in my life and they give me much needed unconditional love and support. I keep busy with other stuff and put the focus on living my best life. I get out the of house if I am feeling blue. I meditate. I read. I go to church.
Whew. There is my life in a nutshell LOL. Don't think it's all perfect, it's not. As with anything, strength ebbs and flows. Some days are better than others. However, you really can change your brain pathways with enough work.
Sending you a big hug and tons of support!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I was an absolute physical mess from the stress I was under during the last years of my marriage to AXH. The anxiety disorder I had developed induced an entire slew of physical symptoms all exaggerated by the anxiety induced insomnia... it was absolutely awful.
-neck and shoulder pain
-jaw and teeth pain (from clenching)
-headaches both from stress and the neck and jaw pain
-constant nausea (with occasional vomiting) , stomach pain and gastrointestinal issues
-excruciating pain in my feet
-unhealthy weight fluctuations
And then there were the physical affects of the anxiety/panic attacks... chest pain and palpitations, "inability" to breathe ( I felt like my chest was being squeezed with steel cables), tunnel vision, cold sweats, constricted leg muscles... plus there was the mental anguish that came with these.
Stress took a huge toll on my body. I had always looked way younger than my actual years... that was no longer true by the time I managed to summon the courage to leave my AXH.
Take care of yourself Grace, don't feel like you have to explain that to him, he is too wrapped up in himself. You focus on you and what you need to do to get you healthy. The only person you really have control over is yourself. Please be kind and gentle with yourself.... eat right, drink water, go for walks... it's amazing what those three little things can do for body and mind.
-neck and shoulder pain
-jaw and teeth pain (from clenching)
-headaches both from stress and the neck and jaw pain
-constant nausea (with occasional vomiting) , stomach pain and gastrointestinal issues
-excruciating pain in my feet
-unhealthy weight fluctuations
And then there were the physical affects of the anxiety/panic attacks... chest pain and palpitations, "inability" to breathe ( I felt like my chest was being squeezed with steel cables), tunnel vision, cold sweats, constricted leg muscles... plus there was the mental anguish that came with these.
Stress took a huge toll on my body. I had always looked way younger than my actual years... that was no longer true by the time I managed to summon the courage to leave my AXH.
Take care of yourself Grace, don't feel like you have to explain that to him, he is too wrapped up in himself. You focus on you and what you need to do to get you healthy. The only person you really have control over is yourself. Please be kind and gentle with yourself.... eat right, drink water, go for walks... it's amazing what those three little things can do for body and mind.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Short answer: yes, you can become physically ill from the stress of living with an active addict; also you can develop a long-term incurable illness. I am speaking from experience.
You being unwell is not an reason for your AH to drink, it's just an excuse, one of many convenient excuses. What do you think talking to your AH about your health with achieve? I ask this because in my experience, it achieved nothing but gave my exAH a "reason" to drug more. If he has not been in recovery for a significant period of time, your AH is not able to be a functional partner in your relationship or care about you in a way that is expected in any functional relationship.
You being unwell is not an reason for your AH to drink, it's just an excuse, one of many convenient excuses. What do you think talking to your AH about your health with achieve? I ask this because in my experience, it achieved nothing but gave my exAH a "reason" to drug more. If he has not been in recovery for a significant period of time, your AH is not able to be a functional partner in your relationship or care about you in a way that is expected in any functional relationship.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
"Another study presented at the conference found a link between a childhood history of sexual, physical or emotional abuse and hot flash frequency in mid-life."
https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/24/healt...ess/index.html
"Getting to Why: Adverse Childhood Experiences' Impact on Adult Health"
https://www.npjournal.org/article/S1...843-2/abstract
https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/24/healt...ess/index.html
"Getting to Why: Adverse Childhood Experiences' Impact on Adult Health"
https://www.npjournal.org/article/S1...843-2/abstract
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
I haven't read through all these yet but I know I've been having a lot of muscle soreness in my entire body. Something that helps me with this is awareness of little muscles - checking in with my body. The other day I realized I was walking around with my face all scrunched up. I unfurrowed my brow, relaxed my jaw and that greatly decreased my feelings of anxiety.
I'm particularly bad at tensing my face, shoulders, and - weirdly enough - my feet. Just being aware of this and making sure my body isn't holding tension helps me tremendously.
I'm particularly bad at tensing my face, shoulders, and - weirdly enough - my feet. Just being aware of this and making sure my body isn't holding tension helps me tremendously.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 81
Yes, any stress or conflict in our lives can manifest in physical symptoms, not just pain but digestive, skin, allergies and even autoimmune presentations. One of the most helpful ways to work through this is journalling - if you want a program to follow Google "structured educational program TMSwiki"
Journalling helps you process feelings/stress in a conscious way, versus repression/other styles of coping which is what many doctors and psychoneuroimmunologists believe is the root of emotionally induced symptoms. The theory is the symptoms are there to distract you from painful emotions (though they tend to just make quality of life doubly worse!)
The other tactics are awareness (understanding that the physical symptoms are stress induced, giving symptoms less attention and pay more attention to self and self care) and mindfulness meditation which allows you to recognize feelings/emotions and train yourself to be less reactive in your mind to them, which in essence calms your autonomic nervous system's reactions to them as well (deconditioning).
The goal isn't to make your life's problems go away, but train your mind and body to process/respond to them differently.
Journalling helps you process feelings/stress in a conscious way, versus repression/other styles of coping which is what many doctors and psychoneuroimmunologists believe is the root of emotionally induced symptoms. The theory is the symptoms are there to distract you from painful emotions (though they tend to just make quality of life doubly worse!)
The other tactics are awareness (understanding that the physical symptoms are stress induced, giving symptoms less attention and pay more attention to self and self care) and mindfulness meditation which allows you to recognize feelings/emotions and train yourself to be less reactive in your mind to them, which in essence calms your autonomic nervous system's reactions to them as well (deconditioning).
The goal isn't to make your life's problems go away, but train your mind and body to process/respond to them differently.
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