When will this stop
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
When will this stop
hi all, not been on here for about a year.
last time I posted was about my Ab we had split up 2 yrs and he ended up coming round and was more drunk then I’d ever seen him falling over shouting st young teenagers I decided then the man I once loved had gone and I had to cut him off.
his 37 I’m 47 I’ve dated since him but not had a relationship as I think being with him for 3 years the drinking the mothering, all the same things as you have all been through, I went through and I just don’t want to fill that hurt again.
the reason I’m posting this is because his reared his head again through emails.
i miss stuff was the first I ignored the second was I hope yoir ok the 3rd was I still love you !
I haven’t responded to any of them but why am I hurting all over again the heartache of the man I truly loved was not the same man why has he started again to contact me o just want to move on and find someone who will love me and when they say it you know they mean it not play second best to a bottle.
i’f be lying if I said I was tempted to reply but I didn’t !!!
Now every feeling is coming back I know he still drinks and I know his had other relationships his left them alone why can’t he leave me alone.
weve been apart 3 years now I feel so many emotions again this isn’t fair
last time I posted was about my Ab we had split up 2 yrs and he ended up coming round and was more drunk then I’d ever seen him falling over shouting st young teenagers I decided then the man I once loved had gone and I had to cut him off.
his 37 I’m 47 I’ve dated since him but not had a relationship as I think being with him for 3 years the drinking the mothering, all the same things as you have all been through, I went through and I just don’t want to fill that hurt again.
the reason I’m posting this is because his reared his head again through emails.
i miss stuff was the first I ignored the second was I hope yoir ok the 3rd was I still love you !
I haven’t responded to any of them but why am I hurting all over again the heartache of the man I truly loved was not the same man why has he started again to contact me o just want to move on and find someone who will love me and when they say it you know they mean it not play second best to a bottle.
i’f be lying if I said I was tempted to reply but I didn’t !!!
Now every feeling is coming back I know he still drinks and I know his had other relationships his left them alone why can’t he leave me alone.
weve been apart 3 years now I feel so many emotions again this isn’t fair
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Well done on not replying. He's obviously got to the point where he needs a bit of comfort, maybe someone to look after him. He won't leave you alone while he thinks you'll take the bait.
Go completely non contact or you're going to fall for him again. Block him on your phone and email. You know what you have to do. If you need motivation, write down the low points of your relationship with him, and know it's going to all happen again.
Go completely non contact or you're going to fall for him again. Block him on your phone and email. You know what you have to do. If you need motivation, write down the low points of your relationship with him, and know it's going to all happen again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 24
Thank you he is blocked on my phone I thought I’d done the emails as well.
going to do that right now ! I’ve axrually nick named him the black widow !!!
The o my other reason I didn’t reply b cause I knew if I did he would ignore me it’s just disturbing that he thinks he can just contact me when it suits him and that’s ok !! This man has had so many girlfriends since me why me !! Why not them !! I think it’s becauwe I’m the only one that stayed with him for years the others last a few months max lucky them lucky escape I say !!
If i stop all contact will he stop or will he try other ways or like coming to my house because that’s what worries me.
going to do that right now ! I’ve axrually nick named him the black widow !!!
The o my other reason I didn’t reply b cause I knew if I did he would ignore me it’s just disturbing that he thinks he can just contact me when it suits him and that’s ok !! This man has had so many girlfriends since me why me !! Why not them !! I think it’s becauwe I’m the only one that stayed with him for years the others last a few months max lucky them lucky escape I say !!
If i stop all contact will he stop or will he try other ways or like coming to my house because that’s what worries me.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You know, it’s entirely possible he’s sending the same exact emails to more exes than you...he’s probably exhausted his latest enabler and is just going through his history looking for his next soft place to land.
Try not to give those words any credence, yes? It might as well be a spam email from a Nigerian prince. Block.
Try not to give those words any credence, yes? It might as well be a spam email from a Nigerian prince. Block.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Keep you doors locked and if he shows up tell him to go away, don’t let him in, and if he persists tell him you will call the cops and follow through.
Great job not responding. I agree he is likely looking for a soft landing as he has burned through current resources.
Great job not responding. I agree he is likely looking for a soft landing as he has burned through current resources.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Blueskies27,
He is testing the waters to see what bites to comfort him. He knows that you once cared for him and that is what his alcoholic brain is hoping also. That it can lure you in so it can feel in control. He is probably emailing texting all the past GF to see which one will bite and put up with him.
I glad you have the strength to see right through him and to not fall for his alcoholic tricks. You were right to not reply. Hopefully he will see that it's not working and not bother you in person. If he dose just be strong and hold your ground with him.
Have a beautiful day and stay strong.
He is testing the waters to see what bites to comfort him. He knows that you once cared for him and that is what his alcoholic brain is hoping also. That it can lure you in so it can feel in control. He is probably emailing texting all the past GF to see which one will bite and put up with him.
I glad you have the strength to see right through him and to not fall for his alcoholic tricks. You were right to not reply. Hopefully he will see that it's not working and not bother you in person. If he dose just be strong and hold your ground with him.
Have a beautiful day and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by BlueSkies27 
Now every feeling is coming back I know he still drinks and I know his had other relationships his left them alone why can’t he leave me alone.
weve been apart 3 years now I feel so many emotions again this isn’t fair
weve been apart 3 years now I feel so many emotions again this isn’t fair
Why you? Why not you is maybe the question. To him the repercussions of him reaching out are rather irrelevant. The fact that you were traumatized, hurt, are not at the forefront of his mind. The fact that he was hurt in some way, no doubt is. Always remember how selfish addiction is.
Alcoholic relationships are not necessarily like other relationships. There is a reason why they linger, why after 3 years some of those same feelings you have can somehow recur. Same with being involved with a narcissist or other dysfunctional relationships where you are trying to "right the ship" all the time, keep your emotions in check and attempting to keep emotional balance for you and for him.
All the while being sabotaged by the alcoholic. It's a battle, it causes damage to you and maybe you have not really looked at/healed from all of that yet.
So when he suddenly appears, some of that unresolved stuff immediately hits you.
This article is a bit light but you might relate to it, here it is in part:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/b...some-breakup-s
"Here’s the thing: You have no way of knowing where you are in the process, no marker to identify when you’ll come to the end of this disorienting period. Why are you enraged at your ex 18 months later? Why now, and not before? Why are you in suffocating agony over the loss now, when the loss in many ways seems long ago?
It’s hard to know what your triggers may be: Perhaps your ex is with someone new. Perhaps you’re with someone new. Or maybe it’s some unidentifiable reason. Just know that you’re not alone. This is an extremely common experience. The circumstances within the relationship, the feelings it evoked, and its breakup are not yet resolved for you. It’s OK that you’re not done grieving or processing the loss.
Your reactions, regardless of when you have them, are part of the process. Rather than feeling angry at yourself for falling backwards or “regressing,” try to feel compassion for the fact that the aspects of your trauma that are being triggered didn’t have a way of expressing themselves until now, so you’re getting them out".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ditto what aries said! all you know is that he sent YOU an email. you have no idea what else is going on, what state of mind he is in, or how many other people he also sent some nonsense garbage to.
call it drunk dialing, drunk texting, drunk emailing, drunk facebooking.....it's what they do, sometimes!!!
however this might be one of the strangely wrapped gifts our dear Ann always talks about. if it's been THREE years out now and you are in such a state of upset and emotional distress after a couple lame emails from an ex, then you my dear have some work to do! it's time to sort thru the emotional miasma and come to terms with all of it.
you have been broken up now for as long as you were together. but his ghost still haunts you. you haven't truly let go yet. NOW is your time to do so!
call it drunk dialing, drunk texting, drunk emailing, drunk facebooking.....it's what they do, sometimes!!!
however this might be one of the strangely wrapped gifts our dear Ann always talks about. if it's been THREE years out now and you are in such a state of upset and emotional distress after a couple lame emails from an ex, then you my dear have some work to do! it's time to sort thru the emotional miasma and come to terms with all of it.
you have been broken up now for as long as you were together. but his ghost still haunts you. you haven't truly let go yet. NOW is your time to do so!
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