I’m sorry but..... I’m scared.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Oh, what a sigh of relief I just let out. I am so glad you and your dogs are safe. You did a great job of keeping him from suspecting anything. What did you tell your son? (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
You 100% did the right thing. You will experience mixed emotions but one step at a time... you took the first, most difficult step. Bravo!!! Took such courage! Don’t worry... you’ll next figure out a plan to get your house back. For now, take a huge breath. So proud of you. Time to focus on yourself...... and only, yourself!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Relax not and let the police get him out
Well done on looking after yourself first. You have probably inspired many others to take action. Not everybody who visits this forum, posts, due to fear etc. But I can guarantee a positive ripple effect.
I'm sure some of our SR peeps who live in your State can continue to give you the right advice. You may find that once confronted by a sheriff etc he'll go quietly enough. Now is the time to start drafting up the job description for your new farm hand:
-young strapping stud
-must have no addictions or priors
-must have zero tolerance for aggressive drunks
-must have hand to hand combat experience or a deadly stare
.... Don't mean to make light of what you've gone through. But laughing is a natural detox. I'm so very, very proud of you my love. And I'm so proud of everyone on SR for giving you the support and courage to follow through.
Please keep in touch. God I love happy endings.
I'm sure some of our SR peeps who live in your State can continue to give you the right advice. You may find that once confronted by a sheriff etc he'll go quietly enough. Now is the time to start drafting up the job description for your new farm hand:
-young strapping stud
-must have no addictions or priors
-must have zero tolerance for aggressive drunks
-must have hand to hand combat experience or a deadly stare
.... Don't mean to make light of what you've gone through. But laughing is a natural detox. I'm so very, very proud of you my love. And I'm so proud of everyone on SR for giving you the support and courage to follow through.
Please keep in touch. God I love happy endings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
I’m sorry to keep you waiting. I read your posts this afternoon again as I was starting to get scared and question things... I regained strength by reading and realizing the absurdity I’ve been putting up with!
i should’ve wrote then, but I’m so afraid he would take my phone and read what I was doing, so I had to come here when I knew that wouldn’t happen, please understand!
I have not told my son anything yet. He is with his dad this weekend. I have to meet him after school tomorrow for an appointment, and we will go to dinner and I will tell him in person. He won’t come home bc he knows he has to go straight to appointment from school, as he needs to leave school 15 minutes early, but I’ll text him in the morning and just tell him, be sure NOT to go home first as he needs to hurry, and that he will be here and I won’t and that alone will keep him away - he hates him. He will mind. Unfortunately I’ve had to tell him to just go straight to his dads from school before, and it killed me - but did it for the best.
Yes I’m sure emotions will be a roller coaster in the coming days. I hope I can still check in even though I’m not dealing with an alcoholic anymore.
Hugs to all.
i should’ve wrote then, but I’m so afraid he would take my phone and read what I was doing, so I had to come here when I knew that wouldn’t happen, please understand!
I have not told my son anything yet. He is with his dad this weekend. I have to meet him after school tomorrow for an appointment, and we will go to dinner and I will tell him in person. He won’t come home bc he knows he has to go straight to appointment from school, as he needs to leave school 15 minutes early, but I’ll text him in the morning and just tell him, be sure NOT to go home first as he needs to hurry, and that he will be here and I won’t and that alone will keep him away - he hates him. He will mind. Unfortunately I’ve had to tell him to just go straight to his dads from school before, and it killed me - but did it for the best.
Yes I’m sure emotions will be a roller coaster in the coming days. I hope I can still check in even though I’m not dealing with an alcoholic anymore.
Hugs to all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
Milano, you’re right. It does help to have humor and I do try to have it for so many situations. Thank you.
Thank you all so much, Your support and guidance has definitely been a life saver, and I do believe I mean this literally.
Thank you all so much, Your support and guidance has definitely been a life saver, and I do believe I mean this literally.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
I just took a 1/2 of a Xanax. I’ve had this prescription filled late February and still have 6 from 30 left. Lol. I feel this may be a good night to have one and see if I’ll rest.
Can I ask a question... has anyone experienced chronic pain from stress/anxiety? I’m hopeful maybe now this will ease up. I had cortisone injections on Friday and they helped immensely, but would love to never need another.
I have heard before that stress can cause lots of things, even illness.
Can I ask a question... has anyone experienced chronic pain from stress/anxiety? I’m hopeful maybe now this will ease up. I had cortisone injections on Friday and they helped immensely, but would love to never need another.
I have heard before that stress can cause lots of things, even illness.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
We definitely understand! You don't ever have to apologize to us. We are all just thrilled that you got away from him. Take care of yourself and your son, and the pups, of course! So very proud of you!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Stress can manifest in many forms. I get terrible neck pain. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your body goes through a form of withdrawal from the trauma. Dinno if it's even called withdrawal. But I was told only yesterday by my reiki/masseuse that the body releases stress, pain, toxins in many ways.
Look after yourself. Your health, wellbeing is your priority. I did a lot of relaxing massages, reiki, inner child healing and meditation nightly. There's a beautiful heart coherence meditation. It's only 15mins by a US lady priest. It's so calming and you don't have to be religious but she just has such a calmness..this is it:
https://youtu.be/KZmVP9tcqfE
Look after yourself. Your health, wellbeing is your priority. I did a lot of relaxing massages, reiki, inner child healing and meditation nightly. There's a beautiful heart coherence meditation. It's only 15mins by a US lady priest. It's so calming and you don't have to be religious but she just has such a calmness..this is it:
https://youtu.be/KZmVP9tcqfE
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I am so impressed with your badass self! Well done and I echo everyone’s relief.
Expect to have ups and downs, emotionally. I have no doubt there were good times with him. But they weren’t coming back; only more pain lay down that old road. Turn the corner, yes?
You have every right to end a relationship. You don’t have to explain it, rationalize it, excuse it or try to come to some mythical “closure.”
I would suspect he will try to contact you, so be prepared for that. You can just block him, which really is best. Rip off that Bandaid and move on.
Think how relieved your son will be!
Please, keep posting. You will need support...this isn’t easy...and you may help someone in a similar situation.
P.S. If worse comes to worst and you get maneuvered into a conversation, maybe just steer clear of the “whys” in general and the alcoholism in particular. He will defend his drinking to the bitter end and getting sucked into a dialogue about whether he’s really an alcoholic is a waste of good air. “Our relationship has run its course. Good-bye.”
Expect to have ups and downs, emotionally. I have no doubt there were good times with him. But they weren’t coming back; only more pain lay down that old road. Turn the corner, yes?
You have every right to end a relationship. You don’t have to explain it, rationalize it, excuse it or try to come to some mythical “closure.”
I would suspect he will try to contact you, so be prepared for that. You can just block him, which really is best. Rip off that Bandaid and move on.
Think how relieved your son will be!
Please, keep posting. You will need support...this isn’t easy...and you may help someone in a similar situation.
P.S. If worse comes to worst and you get maneuvered into a conversation, maybe just steer clear of the “whys” in general and the alcoholism in particular. He will defend his drinking to the bitter end and getting sucked into a dialogue about whether he’s really an alcoholic is a waste of good air. “Our relationship has run its course. Good-bye.”
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Just catching up with the forum after being away for a few days and was so glad to read your update. You really are BADASS! Good on you for leaving, and good on you for resolving to extract the leech from YOUR home. I think plenty of things will start falling into place for you now. Lots of hard work ahead, but you know you can do hard things. Brava!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
Yes - I have posted a lot about the chronic pain I’ve suffered... some a direct result of anxiety and living with an abusive alcoholic. Other pain, unknown. It all relates somehow, I truly believe. Living in a toxic environment is truly damaging to one’s soul, well being and health. So relieved you’re safe.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
Just seeing this now and this is great news Lost4now!
Look at the courage. For someone with anxiety as well and having such fear, huge accomplishment.
You are much stronger than you think (and you probably felt much stronger before you ran in to Mr. Wrong). Well that is done and dusted now so you can start getting back to who you are!
Of course! You don't have to have an active alcoholic lurking in the background to post here. Post anytime you feel like it, please. Your experience and wisdom is always needed at SR and we are here for support for you too.
Yes, you are probably in shock right now and your emotions will fluctuate, but you will get through this.
Yes. In fact up until a few weeks ago. I was in a very stressful situation and started having debilitating headaches/neck pain. Not your run of the mill headaches and almost daily.
I bought a new pillow, moved my mattress around, since the headaches almost always occurred in the morning (didn't really help, maybe a little bit).
Well, lo and behold if they haven't completely gone away since the stress eased up (knock on wood!!) That's just one example. I've experienced other things before. So yes, the body doesn't like being under stress and in fight or flight mode half the time and it shows. I think you will be surprised at how much better you feel over the next few weeks.
In the meantime, focus on yourself and your well-being. Don't worry too much, this will work out and you will be back on your farm before you know it, without this huge problem hanging over your head.
Since you have a few days, try to relax as much as possible and maybe even do something fun/nice for yourself.
Look at the courage. For someone with anxiety as well and having such fear, huge accomplishment.
You are much stronger than you think (and you probably felt much stronger before you ran in to Mr. Wrong). Well that is done and dusted now so you can start getting back to who you are!
Yes I’m sure emotions will be a roller coaster in the coming days. I hope I can still check in even though I’m not dealing with an alcoholic anymore.
Yes, you are probably in shock right now and your emotions will fluctuate, but you will get through this.
Can I ask a question... has anyone experienced chronic pain from stress/anxiety? I’m hopeful maybe now this will ease up. I had cortisone injections on Friday and they helped immensely, but would love to never need another.
I bought a new pillow, moved my mattress around, since the headaches almost always occurred in the morning (didn't really help, maybe a little bit).
Well, lo and behold if they haven't completely gone away since the stress eased up (knock on wood!!) That's just one example. I've experienced other things before. So yes, the body doesn't like being under stress and in fight or flight mode half the time and it shows. I think you will be surprised at how much better you feel over the next few weeks.
In the meantime, focus on yourself and your well-being. Don't worry too much, this will work out and you will be back on your farm before you know it, without this huge problem hanging over your head.
Since you have a few days, try to relax as much as possible and maybe even do something fun/nice for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Argh! I thought I posted something last night but it didn't go through!
Please don't apologize for not updating us immediately. You don't owe us a minute-by-minute replay of your situation. Don't say sorry for taking steps to guarantee your safety - making sure XABF doesn't see you posting is a big one!
I'm so relieved that you're out of the house. Do follow up with the police and the DV people - you may have the instinct to drop it because you're out of immediate danger. At the very least, it'll be the first step in getting your house back.
Go you!
Please don't apologize for not updating us immediately. You don't owe us a minute-by-minute replay of your situation. Don't say sorry for taking steps to guarantee your safety - making sure XABF doesn't see you posting is a big one!
I'm so relieved that you're out of the house. Do follow up with the police and the DV people - you may have the instinct to drop it because you're out of immediate danger. At the very least, it'll be the first step in getting your house back.
Go you!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I just got to work and am catching up. Wow, I am SO PROUD of you!!! Keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Yes, I have had chronic stress cause me undue pain and angst, that is for sure. I just had a very long conversation with my doctor last week about that very thing. Stress can and will kill you if you leave it to it's own devices.
You can do this friend. Keep on taking good care of you and your son!
Yes, I have had chronic stress cause me undue pain and angst, that is for sure. I just had a very long conversation with my doctor last week about that very thing. Stress can and will kill you if you leave it to it's own devices.
You can do this friend. Keep on taking good care of you and your son!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
I just read it all, way to go! You and your son are safe, that is the most important thing. It can be uneasy settling into a less chaotic life - that sounds crazy I know. One day at a time- no contact one day at a time.Let the law handle the squatter. You are so much stronger than you even realize, what an inspiration you are to all of us but most importantly your son.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I've been away from the boards for over a week now as a vacation had me sans internet... but I have to say, the outcome of this thread has been by far my most favorite one to catch up on!
I know things are weird for you right now, but I am so glad you are safe. I was really, really concerned about your safety. Stay strong... everything will work out for the best. Lean on us when this new road gets bumpy!
I am so very proud of you!
P.S. And yes, emotional and mental strain has absolutely caused me physical pain, mostly in my neck/shoulder/upper back and in my feet.
I know things are weird for you right now, but I am so glad you are safe. I was really, really concerned about your safety. Stay strong... everything will work out for the best. Lean on us when this new road gets bumpy!
I am so very proud of you!
P.S. And yes, emotional and mental strain has absolutely caused me physical pain, mostly in my neck/shoulder/upper back and in my feet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
Thank you!!!!
Hey!
No contact or attempted contact that I’m aware of. My dad has kind of taken this into his hands, as I was afraid he would do, but when I had my divorce years ago, he did the same thing. I think he enjoys doing it, so I let him. He’s in touch with my attorney (actually his, but she was mine too) and getting things set up. He’s told her I don’t want or need to be a part of it and to try and get it done without me having to be there. I know they were able to do a lot of it alone without me for the divorce.
I went to my doctor today, and he asked if he ever hit me, I sat there for a second - wanting to say No. I said Yes, he did - just once. He told me I shouldn’t say just once, once is too much. I agree. He wanted to call the police, he said I almost have to. I said I think that’s being taken care of by my attorney and parents. I’m not sure if he will end up calling or not. He told me it was great that I’m letting people know. The more who know, the more I’m protected.
What I’m afraid of is, retaliation. This scares the crap out of me. He has made up terrible accusations before that aren’t true just to scare me into not doing anything. For example, he’s said many times, if you ever call the cops on me, you’ll be sorry - I’ll have plenty to say. So, that is what is currently scaring me. I’ve never done anything to him - EVER. I have yelled and probably cursed at him but I’ve never done anything wrong to him. But I’m panicking today.
No contact or attempted contact that I’m aware of. My dad has kind of taken this into his hands, as I was afraid he would do, but when I had my divorce years ago, he did the same thing. I think he enjoys doing it, so I let him. He’s in touch with my attorney (actually his, but she was mine too) and getting things set up. He’s told her I don’t want or need to be a part of it and to try and get it done without me having to be there. I know they were able to do a lot of it alone without me for the divorce.
I went to my doctor today, and he asked if he ever hit me, I sat there for a second - wanting to say No. I said Yes, he did - just once. He told me I shouldn’t say just once, once is too much. I agree. He wanted to call the police, he said I almost have to. I said I think that’s being taken care of by my attorney and parents. I’m not sure if he will end up calling or not. He told me it was great that I’m letting people know. The more who know, the more I’m protected.
What I’m afraid of is, retaliation. This scares the crap out of me. He has made up terrible accusations before that aren’t true just to scare me into not doing anything. For example, he’s said many times, if you ever call the cops on me, you’ll be sorry - I’ll have plenty to say. So, that is what is currently scaring me. I’ve never done anything to him - EVER. I have yelled and probably cursed at him but I’ve never done anything wrong to him. But I’m panicking today.
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