mylifeismine

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dW1Wao3eF5Q

I wanted to share this- maybe it's been posted before, but
I've just found it. It covers codependency including her
belief that codependency is the root of all addictions. With
all I have learned in the last 3 years, I sense that I am
coming to a place of greater understanding than ever
before, things make sense, I "see" and understand the
evolution of dysfunction, my role, why I chose my RAH,
why I tolerated so much bad behavior, and most importantly,
what a healthy relationship can be like.

It started out trying to understand & fix the A. It has evolved
to knowing and understanding and having compassion for
myself.

I wish everyone a good day today

Dazedandconfus

Hawkeye13

Addiction can be a fantastic teacher. Sort of like the Zen master who keeps whacking you with the big stick unexpectedly until you remember to pay attention. . .

mylifeismine

^^ LOL
And so true.....

I think a great sense of humor is an excellent barometer of a
healthy soul

ironwill

That was a good one Hawkeye. I'm glad your are seeing yourself Mylifeismine and have compassion for you. That is where your happiness comes from.

Have a great day and keep strong.

mylifeismine

Ironwill, the self compassion is most important as I could not
have pulled down the veil of denial if I could not be kind to
myself and see the reality, the totality of it all.

And you're right, the happiness originates there.

Your join date is last month? Do you have the cliff
notes on this?

ironwill

No, I have no cliff notes. I just speak from my heart. I am glad that you are doing good and see the Alcoholic for what they are and how they have affected you.

Yes, i have only been on hear a month. I need to find a place that I could share what I was going through at the time and also help people. I have always been a good listener and try to give good advice. No one has come back at me screaming that it was bad, so I guess I'm doing something good.

mylifeismine

Ah Ironwill, I have read your first few posts and would never
make light of anyone's situation here. So glad you found us,
and keep posting, and thanks for your reply. I have learned
so much here, it's saved my sanity.

Glenjo99

Good video. Melody Beattie author of codependent no more also states that most if not all addicts are codependent. The piece that always sticks out for me is the needing to fix/help others is big in codependents. Not that helping is a bad thing, but it's the intention behind the helping. Are you expecting something in return for the helping, and if we are then that's codependent (see also karpman drama triangle). Controlling, manipulation and fixing all codependent traits, not easy to admit to.

mylifeismine

"Controlling, manipulation and fixing all codependent traits,
not easy to admit to."

Yes.
We alter our reality through denial as well, like A's.
Intention is key.

ironwill

Mylifeismine,

I really didn't know what you meant my cliff notes. I was confused. So like always i just talked from the heart.

I was an emotional train wreck those first few post. Which for me is uncommon. My AW would always tell me I would show very little emotion (bottled it up) Well with everything I found out and had suspicion on I just lost it. I finally calmed down and we did a lot of talking. I showed some good emotion. It was a good long honest talk about what we were each feeling and why things happened. No one was screaming or accusing. It was just heart felt. Something we hadn't done in a long time.

I too have learned so much here and am glad to have found everyone. I will keep posting as it dose my heart good to know that I might be helping someone else. Have a great day.

mylifeismine

Ironwill, it was nothing important, and I didn't mean to confuse you.
Cliff notes is a reference to pamphlets students can buy which
contain condensed versions of literary works so students can
know who the main characters are, the plot, the outcome, etc
without reading the long version novel. Soooo, you seem to
understand important concepts that took me a while to get,
which is great, and likely has something to do with you being
a good listener.

ironwill

Mylifeismine.

Thanks for thinking of me like that. It makes feel feel good. I knew what cliff notes are. I just didn't know what you were referencing them to. I am a good listener and as a engineer I also want to fix things or make them work better. Two good traits in problem solving. That's why we are all here. I only wish I was better at communicating my ideas in person. When I type my mind seems to slow down and i can get words out with no problem. If I'm in front of people not so good with coming up with even simple answers. I freeze like a deer in headlights. I am getting better at it. I'm just not at the level i wish i was, like when I type here at SR. But I'm OK with my progress. As long as my communication skills in person keep going forward I'm good.

I hope you have a great day.