Brain plays tricks
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Brain plays tricks
Every now and then something makes me question my own judgement. Am I just over-reacting? Am I making this up? Imagining things?
Then I remember the bad stuff. It's frustrating that after so long, I still have to do a recap to prove myself right. I'm doing that today. I think it's because I had a great weekend (AH was in the background, not terribly involved) with kids and friends.
Possibly need to start journaling. Anyone got any tips on how to do this without risking someone else reading it?
Then I remember the bad stuff. It's frustrating that after so long, I still have to do a recap to prove myself right. I'm doing that today. I think it's because I had a great weekend (AH was in the background, not terribly involved) with kids and friends.
Possibly need to start journaling. Anyone got any tips on how to do this without risking someone else reading it?
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 63
The most helpful thing I did post-divorce from XAH was to write a (very long) list of the alcoholic incidents and resulting personal and family traumas over the years. When I felt guilty for leaving, one quick read-through of this document set me straight and made me stop questioning my decision.
I would advise you do the same. When everything is pulled together into one document, the picture becomes much clearer and the self-doubt tends to disappear.
Could you type it on a computer and title it something entirely unrelated to the A? Something related to your job? Perhaps cut and paste unrelated pages at the beginning of the doc in case the A opens it. He would likely stop reading after a couple of paragraphs.
I would advise you do the same. When everything is pulled together into one document, the picture becomes much clearer and the self-doubt tends to disappear.
Could you type it on a computer and title it something entirely unrelated to the A? Something related to your job? Perhaps cut and paste unrelated pages at the beginning of the doc in case the A opens it. He would likely stop reading after a couple of paragraphs.
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 61
I keep my journals in a locked briefcase in my closet. $50 well spent.
If you like journalling electronically, you can password protect documents or folder too. And there's online, password protected private journalling services like Penzu that you can use in an incognito browser.
If you like journalling electronically, you can password protect documents or folder too. And there's online, password protected private journalling services like Penzu that you can use in an incognito browser.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Womaticus,
I'm glad you had a great weekend. I think it's a good idea to start journaling. That way you have a record of everything that has happened. I know my memory is terrible and if I don't write something down, I most likely will forget about it. If you have microsoft word you can password protect a document. If you don't and you use google docs all your docs are stored online and your documents are secured by your login. If you don't have the password to login you can't get to the documents. I hope this helps you out. I'm a computer engineer by trade, so let me know if you have any issues. I can try and help you out. Have a great day.
I'm glad you had a great weekend. I think it's a good idea to start journaling. That way you have a record of everything that has happened. I know my memory is terrible and if I don't write something down, I most likely will forget about it. If you have microsoft word you can password protect a document. If you don't and you use google docs all your docs are stored online and your documents are secured by your login. If you don't have the password to login you can't get to the documents. I hope this helps you out. I'm a computer engineer by trade, so let me know if you have any issues. I can try and help you out. Have a great day.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 94
I have done the same things with my ex alcoholic husband and my current one. I keep record of everything by date and with great detail via a password protected word document. The crazy making makes me crazy and I don't like for things to be good and then cause me to question reality, so my password protected word doc helps me journal the truth without fear of someone getting into it that shouldn't.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Here’s how I tracked things. Having a snapshot made some things clearer. You could put initials for things you might not want to be seen. Some of the things I listed were exercise, sleep, and reading (self care) but I also noted whether or not he drank or interacted with me or our son. Patterns emerged with the drinking/interaction for sure.
Ugh...I was going to paste a pic off my phone. Anyone know how?
Ugh...I was going to paste a pic off my phone. Anyone know how?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Getting away from specific events that happened and more firmly into my own healing has brought up new stronger ways of breaking through cognitive dissonance.
There’s no earthly way of knowing/Which direction we are going/There’s no knowing where we’re rowing/Or which way the river’s flowing/Is it raining?/Is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?/Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing….” Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
My recovery currently includes a series of podcasts I listen to on a regular basis that describe the trauma I've been through. In this, I realize I'm not alone. Many others have been through this and have healed.
Where focus goes, energy flows.
Whatever it takes.
There have been specific events I've dealt with by meditation: re-visiting them mentally with kindness, new skills and a lot of support from others who understand. (DV advocates, etc.)
There’s no earthly way of knowing/Which direction we are going/There’s no knowing where we’re rowing/Or which way the river’s flowing/Is it raining?/Is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?/Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing….” Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
interventions for survivors of relational trauma include brain-wise interventions such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), mindfulness based cognitive behavioral therapy, expressive arts therapies and other modalities which allow release of trauma. Cognitive dissonance can be diminished. Survivors heal and moving into a place of thriving.
Where focus goes, energy flows.
Whatever it takes.
There have been specific events I've dealt with by meditation: re-visiting them mentally with kindness, new skills and a lot of support from others who understand. (DV advocates, etc.)
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Thlayli 
Here’s how I tracked things. Having a snapshot made some things clearer. You could put initials for things you might not want to be seen. Some of the things I listed were exercise, sleep, and reading (self care) but I also noted whether or not he drank or interacted with me or our son. Patterns emerged with the drinking/interaction for sure.
Ugh...I was going to paste a pic off my phone. Anyone know how?
Ugh...I was going to paste a pic off my phone. Anyone know how?
https://postimages.org/signup
Once you have uploaded your image there, click on Share and copy the Direct Image line
Back here at SR , just go in to post a message and click on the Insert Image box at the top of the message box (looks like a yellow postcard), paste your URL in there that's it!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Looks like it worked! Thanks
The "use" column was days that I knew he was either drinking or smoking pot. I also tracked whether or not he talked with me or DS, if I cried, or if I felt dread when I was driving home from work. I liked this format because I didn't have to go through and read/write details to see patterns that went on for months.
Nice thing about his leaving. I NEVER feel dread about coming home now.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
I suppose there's a balance here...journal for your sanity, remembering the bad times and to work through events. But , don't forget to do your moving forward work.
Im having quite intense flashbacks which are getting into my brain when i wake, driving, dreams erc.. I need to get them out of my head and onto paper. And not just a long list of bad things he has done, but also how I felt, what i would do differently now.
Over 10 years ago, AH told me he was going to go to a wedding alone in another state because he believed I was depressed and quite frankly, he didn't think he would have a very good time with me. I ended up going and had fun, but if I had my time again.....
as my counselor says, 'in your defence...' I had very little children, I was exhausted, I had no family support, I had an AH who was emotionally absent, lacked empathy and was intolerant of the noise my chn and I brought to the house.
Actually, nothing much has changed. The chn are just older.
Im having quite intense flashbacks which are getting into my brain when i wake, driving, dreams erc.. I need to get them out of my head and onto paper. And not just a long list of bad things he has done, but also how I felt, what i would do differently now.
Over 10 years ago, AH told me he was going to go to a wedding alone in another state because he believed I was depressed and quite frankly, he didn't think he would have a very good time with me. I ended up going and had fun, but if I had my time again.....
as my counselor says, 'in your defence...' I had very little children, I was exhausted, I had no family support, I had an AH who was emotionally absent, lacked empathy and was intolerant of the noise my chn and I brought to the house.
Actually, nothing much has changed. The chn are just older.
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