Hi everyone, I haven't been here for awhile, sorry
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi everyone, I haven't been here for awhile, sorry
Well, anyway, I talked to my drama queen daughter on Thursday, this was after 2 and a half years of no contact. She called me, and I just couldn't listen to her then, I waited and returned her call. She was apologizing, and blah, blah, blah, then she started to play victim and blaming others, and I told her to stop it. I told her that I would talk to her, but that I am not going to listen to drama queen BS anymore, (I did say this in a nicer way though). Talked to my mom today, (she is 87) and she was very happy to hear this. I told my mom, I don't know how long this will last, because I will not feed into her imagination and fantasies, but I will try to hold my tongue on how to say things.
That's not even the point of this post though.
My son called me about 2 hrs after I talked to my mom, my mom told him that me and DQ are speaking again. My mom was so happy about it. So, my son called me because he was happy about this but he was also worried about me.
So, the purpose of this thread is to talk about the conversation that I had with my son today.
For no reason at all my son started to talk to me about the years that we didn't talk, or when we did talk to each about the fights that we had.
He was apologizing to me because of the way he was thinking back then. That he was just learning how to get around in the world after college, and it was his first time alone, and if he could do it why can't I? He said he thought about things a lot now that he is married and has a son why it might have hurt me when he would scream at me to "just "get over it". He is married now for 9 years, and if his marriage broke up he knows that's not what he would want to hear.
I told him to stop that. I told him that at that time perhaps that is what I needed, so that I could be dependent on only me and to grow into the person that I am today.
I admit during the divorce and after the divorce I played a "victim". The only person that I was a "victim" of was myself.
My entire life I felt I was dependent on another person. First, when I was growing up, I was dependent on my parents, mostly my mom. Then when I got married I was dependent on my husband. I never handled financial records when I was married, never pd the mortgage, or a credit card bill, my ex took care of all that. (For the record, I did not say all of this to my son, no reason to). Suffice it say that I was starting out on my own when I was 55 and my son was starting out on his own at 23. We didn't need words for that, we understand each other.
At age 55, I didn't know how to do anything. My children had turned against me saying that I was using the "victim card", my whole life had changed. I'm really happy that I had a friend that was supportive of me.
I learned how to buy a cheap cabin, learned how to fix it up, learned how to get a mortgage, learned how to refinance a mortgage. I also learned how to get a credit score rating of over 800.
It took many years for me to let go of that "victim card", but I pushed myself each day, and I kept going.
I never thought I would let go out that foreclosed cabin that I bought, but I did, it was part of the healing process. The cabin needed help and so did I. After my healing and licking my wounds were done, I bought another house, this way I can be closer to my son, (we have a terrific relationship now).
I had a lot of growing up to do and I did it. The hardest part of my recovery was learning to be "me". I'll say I'm about 90% there. There's still some work that I need to do, but I'm only dependent on me for this.
A lesson that I learned today though from my talk with my son, was that I wasn't looking about his situation while I was going through my own.
Each day you learn something new, and you can learn more from each situation.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
That's not even the point of this post though.
My son called me about 2 hrs after I talked to my mom, my mom told him that me and DQ are speaking again. My mom was so happy about it. So, my son called me because he was happy about this but he was also worried about me.
So, the purpose of this thread is to talk about the conversation that I had with my son today.
For no reason at all my son started to talk to me about the years that we didn't talk, or when we did talk to each about the fights that we had.
He was apologizing to me because of the way he was thinking back then. That he was just learning how to get around in the world after college, and it was his first time alone, and if he could do it why can't I? He said he thought about things a lot now that he is married and has a son why it might have hurt me when he would scream at me to "just "get over it". He is married now for 9 years, and if his marriage broke up he knows that's not what he would want to hear.
I told him to stop that. I told him that at that time perhaps that is what I needed, so that I could be dependent on only me and to grow into the person that I am today.
I admit during the divorce and after the divorce I played a "victim". The only person that I was a "victim" of was myself.
My entire life I felt I was dependent on another person. First, when I was growing up, I was dependent on my parents, mostly my mom. Then when I got married I was dependent on my husband. I never handled financial records when I was married, never pd the mortgage, or a credit card bill, my ex took care of all that. (For the record, I did not say all of this to my son, no reason to). Suffice it say that I was starting out on my own when I was 55 and my son was starting out on his own at 23. We didn't need words for that, we understand each other.
At age 55, I didn't know how to do anything. My children had turned against me saying that I was using the "victim card", my whole life had changed. I'm really happy that I had a friend that was supportive of me.
I learned how to buy a cheap cabin, learned how to fix it up, learned how to get a mortgage, learned how to refinance a mortgage. I also learned how to get a credit score rating of over 800.
It took many years for me to let go of that "victim card", but I pushed myself each day, and I kept going.
I never thought I would let go out that foreclosed cabin that I bought, but I did, it was part of the healing process. The cabin needed help and so did I. After my healing and licking my wounds were done, I bought another house, this way I can be closer to my son, (we have a terrific relationship now).
I had a lot of growing up to do and I did it. The hardest part of my recovery was learning to be "me". I'll say I'm about 90% there. There's still some work that I need to do, but I'm only dependent on me for this.
A lesson that I learned today though from my talk with my son, was that I wasn't looking about his situation while I was going through my own.
Each day you learn something new, and you can learn more from each situation.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
What great things that are happening for you! Your son sounds
very kind & loving, real honesty in that conversation, and maybe drama queen will come around too
Good for you Amy, keep on going!
very kind & loving, real honesty in that conversation, and maybe drama queen will come around too
Good for you Amy, keep on going!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Amy,
I just read your post, after posting here.
I too, have not posted here, in a while. My situation with my son, a marijuana addict is a bit similar to yours. No phone contact in quite a while.
Now he is calling, and I don't want to return his calls.
Don't want to hijack your thread.
Just want to say I admire how you have handled "everything". Good job!
I just read your post, after posting here.
I too, have not posted here, in a while. My situation with my son, a marijuana addict is a bit similar to yours. No phone contact in quite a while.
Now he is calling, and I don't want to return his calls.
Don't want to hijack your thread.
Just want to say I admire how you have handled "everything". Good job!
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