This is not fun
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
This is not fun
In fact it is heartbreaking.
I had to go to a funeral today. AH and i both went to meetings this morning (AA and alanon respectively) at same location. We had a pleasant evening last night. He was sober or at least seemed sober. We just ate dinner and watched a movie. We planned to go on a date tonight - out to eat. I told him this morning that we can’t go if he drinks today. That i am not telling him what to do but simply that i do not wish to be around him if he is not clear and sober.
Just walked in with breathalyzer that arrived while i was out. He wanted to set it up before we go out. I walk in and he is like hey just so u know I'm drinking today. And he is sitting there watching football with his bottle mostly gone. It makes me so sick. I said to him ok no date. It’s cancelled. He was like why not. Is he kidding? I said you promised me we would have a date and you would be sober. It was more. important for you to drink. So we no longer have a date.
In any case he will still set up and start his bac monitoring. But honestly i know that is not going to change anything at all. If his mindset is still alcoholic thinking there is no magic device to stop that.
I am well aware of what i am dealing with. It just sucks. Plan remains the same. But it doesn’t mean i am not sad. I feel awful and know i deserve better.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.
I had to go to a funeral today. AH and i both went to meetings this morning (AA and alanon respectively) at same location. We had a pleasant evening last night. He was sober or at least seemed sober. We just ate dinner and watched a movie. We planned to go on a date tonight - out to eat. I told him this morning that we can’t go if he drinks today. That i am not telling him what to do but simply that i do not wish to be around him if he is not clear and sober.
Just walked in with breathalyzer that arrived while i was out. He wanted to set it up before we go out. I walk in and he is like hey just so u know I'm drinking today. And he is sitting there watching football with his bottle mostly gone. It makes me so sick. I said to him ok no date. It’s cancelled. He was like why not. Is he kidding? I said you promised me we would have a date and you would be sober. It was more. important for you to drink. So we no longer have a date.
In any case he will still set up and start his bac monitoring. But honestly i know that is not going to change anything at all. If his mindset is still alcoholic thinking there is no magic device to stop that.
I am well aware of what i am dealing with. It just sucks. Plan remains the same. But it doesn’t mean i am not sad. I feel awful and know i deserve better.
This sucks. Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
No, you're right, it doesn't change anything.
This is just more of the same. I totally don't understand buying a breathalyzer if he's drinking. But that is alcoholic thinking I suppose, doesn't have to make sense.
I'm sorry you keep getting disappointed Laur, unfortunately that is what to expect.
Detaching will help you. I hope tonight you go out anyway, do you have a friend or family member you could meet for dinner?
This is just more of the same. I totally don't understand buying a breathalyzer if he's drinking. But that is alcoholic thinking I suppose, doesn't have to make sense.
I'm sorry you keep getting disappointed Laur, unfortunately that is what to expect.
Detaching will help you. I hope tonight you go out anyway, do you have a friend or family member you could meet for dinner?
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by trailmix 
No, you're right, it doesn't change anything.
This is just more of the same. I totally don't understand buying a breathalyzer if he's drinking. But that is alcoholic thinking I suppose, doesn't have to make sense.
I'm sorry you keep getting disappointed Laur, unfortunately that is what to expect.
Detaching will help you. I hope tonight you go out anyway, do you have a friend or family member you could meet for dinner?
This is just more of the same. I totally don't understand buying a breathalyzer if he's drinking. But that is alcoholic thinking I suppose, doesn't have to make sense.
I'm sorry you keep getting disappointed Laur, unfortunately that is what to expect.
Detaching will help you. I hope tonight you go out anyway, do you have a friend or family member you could meet for dinner?
tomorrow i work all day in city. Tues i work at home in morning and then hair color yay. Leaving for bus trip wed morning and not back till Saturday. So i will be just fine!
he can set that thing up on his own. If i start getting sober reading on Tuesday and going forward. Great. I have zero expectations.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
Laur12,
Go out and have a good time. You deserve it. You only put in one rule if the date was going to happen and he thought alcohol was more important then you. That is his loss. You are not being childish. You are being a responsible adult. Have a good time and try not to sell on the alcoholic but focus on your joy tonight.
Go out and have a good time. You deserve it. You only put in one rule if the date was going to happen and he thought alcohol was more important then you. That is his loss. You are not being childish. You are being a responsible adult. Have a good time and try not to sell on the alcoholic but focus on your joy tonight.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
That's great you're going to dinner anyway! I hope you have a great time and great food.
Probably also good that you are shuffling off to buffalo for a few days. If he stays sober over that period it will be a miracle.
What shines through in your posts is your connection to yourself and how you do have strength and self-esteem. Those are things that can go by the wayside after living within an alcoholic's range (or an abuser etc).
Probably also good that you are shuffling off to buffalo for a few days. If he stays sober over that period it will be a miracle.
What shines through in your posts is your connection to yourself and how you do have strength and self-esteem. Those are things that can go by the wayside after living within an alcoholic's range (or an abuser etc).
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
Laur, your title kind of made me laugh . . . .I know. It really isn't that funny but "this is not fun" is such a great understatement.
Sigh. . . . .kudos to you for having something else to do. I hope you have some kind of plan if the drinking goes south quickly. Ugh.
Sigh. . . . .kudos to you for having something else to do. I hope you have some kind of plan if the drinking goes south quickly. Ugh.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ya almost wonder, did he think the breathalyzer would act like an asthma inhaler? as in FIX the problem??
as it is, he IS drinking and yet still wanted to set up the breathalyzer before you two go out. knowing that it would register a BAC. only in HIS mind does this somehow make sense.
i am sorry the plans changed, but really impressed with how smoothly you adopted NEW plan. love it when the Universe steps in and rings the phone!!!
as it is, he IS drinking and yet still wanted to set up the breathalyzer before you two go out. knowing that it would register a BAC. only in HIS mind does this somehow make sense.
i am sorry the plans changed, but really impressed with how smoothly you adopted NEW plan. love it when the Universe steps in and rings the phone!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Laur, your title kind of made me laugh . . . .I know. It really isn't that funny but "this is not fun" is such a great understatement.
Sigh. . . . .kudos to you for having something else to do. I hope you have some kind of plan if the drinking goes south quickly. Ugh.
Sigh. . . . .kudos to you for having something else to do. I hope you have some kind of plan if the drinking goes south quickly. Ugh.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by trailmix
That's great you're going to dinner anyway! I hope you have a great time and great food.
Probably also good that you are shuffling off to buffalo for a few days. If he stays sober over that period it will be a miracle.
What shines through in your posts is your connection to yourself and how you do have strength and self-esteem. Those are things that can go by the wayside after living within an alcoholic's range (or an abuser etc).
Probably also good that you are shuffling off to buffalo for a few days. If he stays sober over that period it will be a miracle.
What shines through in your posts is your connection to yourself and how you do have strength and self-esteem. Those are things that can go by the wayside after living within an alcoholic's range (or an abuser etc).
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