dawnrising

So got the initial report back and will be meeting with the expert tomorrow. AH now has 9 categories of felonies we can ask the DA to bring charges on, so bare minimum of 9 felonies (could be more if its by incident) and 7 misdemeanors (a few of which can be bumped to felonies because of the "quantity and willfulness" of it all. In my darkest thoughts I never thought this would happen, it's quite spectacular. His first attorney has 6 categories of felonies, 7 misdemeanors, and broke 8 disciplinary rules of professional conduct meaning they could suspend or take away the right to practice law in this state. The company AH works for has committed 4 felonies, 9 misdemeanors, all 4 felonies also break federal laws, which carry heavy penalties. Things have gone oddly silent and thats just fine by me. There is a ton of other information that is coming in about company "representation" of fraudulent information and so on. Most likely they will 1) try and pay me off or 2) totally abandon AH because of his risk to their company but I doubt it. As the expert said people who get this high in an organization don't do it by being good people. They now know his secrets and he knows theirs. I don't know what's going to happen but they all need to be held accountable for breaking the laws in my opinion. So until that happens I guess I continue to fight, the expert and attorneys have said this type of situation particularly at this time in history would be ripe for media coverage. I don't know, I do know the company has other federal lawsuits in other states dealing with similar issues. I also know that the felonies committed in the courtroom by AH can be considered for federal charges because it happened in the court. Federal charges bring an entirely new level of punitive damages/penalties. It feels like this is going to last forever.

Bekindalways

This does sound spectacularly horrific.

Through this all, I hope you can care for yourself and your kids. I'm sure this is not what you planned for your life.

trailmix

Yes, hope this will all be over soon, however based on the laundry list of charges that's probably not possible.

Hope you are taking good care of yourself. Hang in there!

ironwill

Dawnrising,

It dose not sound like you have a fun road ahead of you. I'm glad your looking after yourself and your needs. You can always come here for advice or just to vent some steam. Have a great day.

HardLessons

As I see it, seems like you are going to have some difficult decisions to make

1. Your attorneys share details of this info with husband and possibly company in hope of getting some type of worthwhile monetary settlement for you.

Certainly any settlement agreement especially from the company will include a strict confidentiality agreement which will restrict your future use of this info. They wont pay & leave any doors open.

2. Your attorneys turn all of this over to a local DA or US Attorney. If DA finds merit they will start an investigation. Based on result of that investigation they will determine if there is sufficient evidence to file an indictment against the company and / or husband. This will be a long process.

Even if all were found guilty (unless this is a whistle blower type situation) I don't see how you will personally benefit financially. Also the government Federal or State could end up wiping your husband out financially & also landing him in prison.

So even if you went after him separately in some type of civil court (money damages) he might not have the means to pay due to criminal ramifications.

Big companies react differently to this type of stuff. I don't know how big this company is but if its big they have political connections & clout. They can have numerous in house attorney's. They call in favors. It can be real world ugly stuff.

Certainly your legal team should know the ins & outs of these decisions.

From what I have read in your posts the simplest route to get what you want from your husband in the divorce is to only share sufficient info with his attorney to soften him up so you get what you are asking for now.

Opening this info up to either the company or law enforcement may create a can or worms.

biminiblue

You know, I think I'd go silent online...this forum is open to the public and even though you aren't sharing names and the company name...I'd be silent and not show my hand.

Needabreak

Agree w Hardlessons. If The legal issues crush him this would have an impact on whatever settlement you might get.

Being able to maintain plausible deniability is to your advantage in this situation. What you write on the internet can be tracked, even on anonymous message boards like this one, and sharing it here really isn't to your advantage. You might want to keep such information between you and your attorney.

hopeful4

Just sending support and many hugs!

AnvilheadII

yeah, just my opinion, but you did everything but post the name of the company here. i understand this whole "AH did bad things" is a big deal, but where and how does that affect your divorce proceedings?? there seems to be a bit of a thrill going on as i read your update on how things are stacking up against the AH. i assume that after many years of marriage, that it isn't a complete shock that he is less than a completely open, upstanding citizen??

dawnrising

Actually it was a complete shock to me. My own therapist called me naive and frustrating because I just kept hoping for the best and thinking that this behavior comes from an injured man and it wasn't his fault. I believed the image he portrayed and believed that he wanted to be that person when he fell short. I spent my entire adult life with someone I thought respected people, to find out he considers me, our children, and everyone else tools to use to support himself. I told AH my most vulnerable thoughts and felt safe. Our children trusted AH and now refuse to see him or share pictures with him because they don't want their successes/pictures used to boost the image he portrays. Everyday that passes and the more I find out the more it feels like a black hole with no end. I didn't think human beings were capable of things like this. I just want to move on with my life, but because of the constant lying, the consequences of his actions, I can't seem to get there and it is very hard to keep fighting. AH constantly threatens our children's education and uses those threats to control them/hold them hostage(their words). I asked for an educational trust so it would keep the children out of it but he won't agree. It is so hard to continue not saying negative things and hiding my emotions in front of the kids, it feels like I am covering for him like I did about his drinking. I cannot talk to anyone other than here or my attorneys at this point. I am not sharing anything that my lawyers haven't said is okay, and the earlier posts written in the midst of living with AH paint an accurate timeline, according to my attorneys. This truly is my only outlet outside of therapy. The gluttony of AH's behavior makes me sick, I accepted that behavior for years because I thought it was about me and I deserved it somehow. Now that I don't allow myself to be a target AH has turned his bullying on our children and I won't let that continue. I just want this to come to an end. One of my attorneys said "In my 40 years of practice I have never seen anyone as bad as your husband." My confidence in myself has never been strong, it took everything I had to leave. To hear a statement like that from my attorneys and I actually didn't see it, and still can't wrap my brain around it even as things get exponentially worse, makes me feel like I have no life skills at all, even after all the therapy, alanon, and hard work. I desperately want to return to the peaceful state I was in living alone before the divorce proceedings started. I go from moments of peace, to meeting with 4 separate attorneys all with immediate needs, all sharing new disturbing information and their personal opinions about it/him. I am exhausted. Any assumptions about how I feel/my mental state/and anyone's opinion of me are really none of my business. I deserve to feel the way I am feeling, and I deserve a place to workout those feelings. I am exhausted, dumbfounded, struggling, and losing my naive positivity (which has always been one of my favorite attributes about myself), if you are tired of it feel free to read someone else's posts, these aren't for you, they are for me.

tomsteve

Actually it was a complete shock to me.
this is one of the consequences of denial. the red flags were there from the beginning.
a year and a half ago, under your old user name, ya typed:
So before anyone responds please know that my AH is reading this as we speak. Thats right my privacy and boundaries I have in place have been crossed again.

everything here is probably followed by lawyers for hubby.

niave positivity??? darlin, im a 52 year old single man never married been through cancer that tried to kill me still have it plus a few health problems on disability cant own a house drive a 10 year old car balding more refuse to be niave and walked on and STILL maintain a positive attitude.

niave positivity is denial.

Seren

Hello dawnrising:

It's breathtaking, I'm sure, to keep learning new and more nefarious information about your husband's behavior and actions. Please don't hesitate to reach out here for support and as a way to work out all that has happened and continues to happen. It sounds as though you trust the attorneys you are working with, and that's great news!

You are not worthless.
You are worthy of a peaceful and joy-filled life.
This will not go on forever--trust the process.

Hang in there!
S

velma929

If all you say is accurate, I see a very real possibility that your STBX is fired and any pension he would have had lost as the company covers it's rear. People can and do lose their pensions over stuff this serious. The educational trust X sets up with his earnings from the prison laundry might equal a couple meals a week at Mickey D's, if the kids eat off the dollar menu. However profitable "the company" is, IT wasn't married to you, or owe you anything.

As Hard Lessons points out, any windfall you might get will be accompanied by a non-disclosure agreement.

dandylion

dawnrising…...I can appreciate what an emotional impact this has had for you. I think it would put many of us into a fetal position, at times...…
It is not your fault for what he has done. Whether you were "naïve", or. had the eye of the tiger....doesn't matter....it has still brought enormous emotional impact to you.....

dawnrising...I know that you will find, that, walking through these dark and scary times, that you have m ore courage that you ever dreamed of....That is the way that it works...we never know how much strength is inside of us until we have to call it forth....at the last minute....It comes forth at the exact second that we need it....
Hang on to your faith. It will carry you...and, you will survive this, and you will emerge stronger, inside, than you ever knew you would.....

For today...I suggest that you strive to stay in the moment as much as you can and try not to future trip too much....
And, I encourage you to keep posting here for emotional support....

dawnrising

Tom(Steve) -Agree to disagree here. I am almost your age and fought cancer while living in this chaos of AH destruction. I had to keep a positive attitude because I couldn't count on AH and my kiddos were absolutely terrified as was I, but they needed one stable adult. I was absolutely in denial of the alcoholic behavior making excuses about it along the way, however things have gone on not disclosed that is well beyond alcoholism and have now been diagnosed by professionals. I didn't see any of it. I thought it was the alcohol doing its destruction not deep seeded mental illness/issues. I do not believe denial is believing what people present, say, and do. I do not believe denial is believing that people have the ability to change, as I have changed tremendously over the last several years. I do believe denial is experiencing a gap in what people present, say, do and reality. I was absolutely in denial about AH wanting or willingness to change and the excuses for his behavior, but not in denial about not seeing mental illness, people go through years and years of training for that, our professional is shocked (someone who has worked with our entire family for years). As far as my belief system which you may consider denial but the professionals in my life consider me healthy: I believe 90%+ of people are good people, I believe we all want to feel loved, seen, accepted, safe, and important. I believe we all make choices good and bad from our own experience/baggage. I believe inherently good people make huge mistakes ( I certainty know I have.) That doesn't mean I am in denial. If someone shows me something different and I refuse to see it then absolutely (and I did that for years), but not knowing that AH has mental issues making him incapable is not.

For the rest of you guys- I am also well aware that AH is reading as well as attorneys, they have already been served of all the issues here. There is not one thing I share without permission. Surely those of you know the isolation of living with an active AH, I feel as if I am living in isolation again but it is due to the court proceedings and I hate it. As far as the company there are very tight contracts in place. I fully expect a non disclosure stipulation and I struggle with that as well. I want to do what's right and healthy for me and the kids and I don't know that more silence is healthy for more money. I know you all are coming from a supportive place but know that there is so much more than I can share safely. Just got my first emergency phone call of the day to meet attorneys. Im just so tired of living in his mess.

Hawkeye13

I just want to send you support.

Please be careful as amoral people and companies will literally stop at nothing to preserve their “power”.

ironwill

Dawnrising,

You have been through more then one person should have to go through. I send my thought, prayers and strength your way. You need it. I am glad you are coming here to talk (type). It will helps to keep your mind focused and get some relief from the real world. We are here for you and stay strong and know that you are not alone.

trailmix

dawnrising, I totally get what you mean here. If there is something to hang on to with this just know that you can be positive. I understand that trusting people until they prove otherwise is kind of a joyful thing. With your experience the "until they prove otherwise" might just come a little sooner, doesn't mean you can't have the positivity about others.

I'm sure it doesn't feel that way right now, but you are in the storm, give it time.

clarity888

Sending you support as well. To have lawsuits and emergency meetings with attorneys in the midst of dealing with an AH across years sounds horrible. It's a horrible disease, just by itself.

Seren

Sending prayers for peace and comfort, dawnrising!