Alcoholics every where I look...

Old 09-07-2019, 04:33 PM
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Angry Alcoholics every where I look...

All my life I have been surrounded by Alcoholics, living in Pubs, Alcoholic Family Members, Friends with Alcohol Issues, random Alcoholics trying to cause drama for me to make their life more entertaining, random Drunk males on Fb messaging me for sex and forgetting the next day, etc.

This time, it's not my mother, as I ran away from her 7 years ago, but seem to be attracted to closet Alcoholics. They can be great for months, years even and pretend to be a good friend, then sh*t hits the fan and I am left to suffer, while they move on with their lives and carry on their drinking and denial.
I was friends with a Guy for over 10 years as I used to date his Cousin, almost married and had babies with his Cousin, so my Friend was more like Family.
After I broke up with his Cousin due to his cheating, I remained Friends with his Family, as they really liked me, but after a couple of years my friends feelings toward me changed, and he asked me out while we were drinking one night. I told him open and honestly how I felt about him and that I was still recovering from all the bad things his cousin put me through, that I didn't think of him like that and we would only ever be friends.
A year later, he asked me out again, though I had previously told him how I felt and that we could only be Friends, nothing more. He doesn't remember this as he was drinking.
He asked me a couple more times and every time I was open and honest with him and every time he forgot about it the next day due to the Alcohol, my Curse is I remember EVERYTHING!!! Drunk or not.

3 weeks ago, he started sending me nasty drunken, jealous messages as I have made Friends with a Gentleman neighbour, every time I make a new friend, he gets Jealous though he has no reason to be.
So I told him off for the nasty guilt tripping texts to which he got nastier, as he was drinking, so I turned off my phone, The next day he apologized, but I told him he has done it too many times and I will not tolerate it anymore.
Well then it all turned on me and he started abusing me, lying about or not remembering what I have previously told him. He said he was fine with just being friend but that he also loved me and wanted to ask me out...Huge Contradiction.
So I told him to leave me alone and move on. Since then he caused trouble with my Neighbor who I just met 6 months ago, and really liked, but knew it would hurt my friend if I got with him, so didn't do anything about it.

Eventually, we ended up getting close, my neighbor and I, and I asked him to take things slowly with me and give me time to get over the lies and issues my ex friend had caused me.
He promised he would but them kept pushing and pushing me, I was open and honest with him from the start but now he thinks, I am rude, judgmental and a liar as my ex friend told him he had no feelings for me. So I told him we should just be Friends/Neighbors, but for some reason after our huge argument he thinks it's ok to ask me for a kiss, make up sex and if we can be friends with benefits.... I told him Friends do NOT kiss, and ignored the other comments.

My neighbor pushed and pushed and in the end disrespected me so much, I went psycho, punched my metal gate, back door etc and started bawling, I tried to explain to him that I needed time to myself after having my ex friend in my life, lying to me for so long, restricting who I can be friends with and what I can do, where I can go, he apologized but then took it back and denied it, apologized and denied it again, so I gave up on him, used car salesmen will tell you what you want to hear and not care about your feelings, thoughts or needs.

I told him I wanted a relationship of Love not convenience, as I am Disabled and cannot drive so he wanted to help me there and he wanted a Mother for his 11 year old Son. Which would have been great, if he had of given me the time and understanding I needed to adapt to my new situation.
Life is now very hard without my ex friend in it, as we used to help each other out, as Friends.
Now I am alone, and they are the best of Friends, they are Welcome to each other, but I am also a little jealous as I am totally alone now, with no one to help me get food shopping, sheep food or get to the Doctors which does not help my Heart Condition, let alone have a Social Life and get out of the house.
I have never been allowed to drive due to my Heart Condition, so do sometimes need to rely on others, but I refuse to use people and always try to pay my way, but men say "no I don't want money", but they don't say how they want paying back, until it's too late.
Only I can fix my issues, with time, patience and understanding. After years of abuse and being used, I know it will take a long time to get back to being half normal.
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Old 09-07-2019, 07:28 PM
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Brokeheart, you ARE normal.
You have put boundaries in place, and stuck to them. That is great. Being abused in any way is completely unacceptable and not a great start to a relationship.
Are you meeting these people via drinking?
I know that in the past I got to meet people in pubs and clubs. I look back and realise that wasn't my best move.
I think you know exactly what you don't want - being a friend with benefits - ughhh. Whar is it you do want for your life? What things make you happy? For me its the forest, nature. Keep being you.
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Old 09-08-2019, 03:03 AM
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Codependents will find alcoholics everywhere we look. Its familiar to us.
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Old 09-08-2019, 03:05 PM
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Thank you Wombaticus for saying I am normal. I feel far from it though. I live in the Country in Australia, and do not go to Pubs, Clubs anymore, I have a serious Heart Condition so I have never been allowed to drive and have to rely on others to help me get to town for supplies, the latest Alcoholics in my life are my neighbors, I try not to put myself in situations where I am around drinkers but out here that's all they do, work and come home to drink. So they are closet drinkers, sober in the daytime, wasted at night and cause drama's.
As I am 34 now, I would love to settle down with the right person and start a little family, but it is hard to find someone who can put up with me Dying daily when my Heart stops and I lose consciousness. So I got a couple of Sheep, already had my two Dogs, who keep me going, and I am trying to grow Vegetables and be self sufficient as much as possible, but still I need to go shopping occasionally, as I cannot grow toilet paper etc. Thank you for your kind words and letting me know I am not the one in the wrong, I do not want to hurt anyone and getting into a relationship with an alcoholic will turn me into the codependant mess I was for my alcoholic mother. I know I have issues I am working on with my Adult Child of Alcoholics Book and I have rejoined this site to get a little more help, start a blog and vent on here as I cannot talk about my life issues on Facebook as my mother is still in Denial, but we are on speaking terms now, after 7 years.
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Old 09-08-2019, 03:07 PM
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Thanks Glenjo99, Yes I agree, we don't look for them but they find us everytime, I moved out to the Countryside in Australia to be away from People, but it does get lonely and with my Heart Condition I do need to rely on others to drive me places, so makes life hard, I am learning more about people now though and can see the warning signs early now, unless they are closet alcoholics who hide their drinking until you get to know them more.
Thank you for letting me know it's just something we all deal with and I am not going crazy.
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Old 09-08-2019, 07:37 PM
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Broke Heart are you sure you're in the right place with your medical condition and need for company? It might be better for you to be in a more populated area, closer to medical attention and support services, while learning to recognise and keep your distance from toxic people.
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Old 09-09-2019, 06:36 AM
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Brokenheart. Thanks for sharing this with us. It was very touching. I'm sorry that you have had to deal with men that don't treat women correctly. A good man friend should never ask for benefits. There are good men out there that know who to treat a women with respect and care about them. I'm glad you stuck to your boundaries.

Yes, there are alcoholics every were. Up until i read a lot more information, I had no clue how many of my friends might also be Alcoholics.

Please come back her to talk to people. You are not alone here. We are here to support you. You say you have a heart condition, But it sounds to me like you have a beautiful heart to give to someone. Have a great day.
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
Broke Heart are you sure you're in the right place with your medical condition and need for company? It might be better for you to be in a more populated area, closer to medical attention and support services, while learning to recognise and keep your distance from toxic people.
Hospitals and Dr's cannot help me, so why live closer to them, so I am stuck in a town, where I cannot have my Dogs and Sheep for company. When I pass out in the street, I either get robbed, raped or people just step over me, thinking I am a drunk or on drugs, no one checks for a Medical Bracelet or Necklace, of which I wear both. I am now in the bush, so I can safely walk my dogs without fear of smashing my face on concrete, or people attacking me. People in towns try to make me go the the pubs and clubs, they make up "special occasions" so I feel guilty if I don't go for a drink with them and I don't really drink much, but when I do, I turn into my mother. So try to limit my friends and how often I have to explain my heart condition, as everyone thinks they know what is best for me, when they really have no clue.
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Old 09-12-2019, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by ironwill View Post
Brokenheart. Thanks for sharing this with us. It was very touching. I'm sorry that you have had to deal with men that don't treat women correctly. A good man friend should never ask for benefits. There are good men out there that know who to treat a women with respect and care about them. I'm glad you stuck to your boundaries.

Yes, there are alcoholics every were. Up until i read a lot more information, I had no clue how many of my friends might also be Alcoholics.

Please come back her to talk to people. You are not alone here. We are here to support you. You say you have a heart condition, But it sounds to me like you have a beautiful heart to give to someone. Have a great day.
Thank you. Men these days make me sick, they see a single female and instantly assume they want a man. I have been pressured by so many guys lately to be with them and when I say no, I am working on a better me for now, so one day I can be in a happy, healthy relationship, then I am called rude, and many other nasty things. Most people would appreciate my honesty and that I am working on my issues, the rest are just thinking of themselves. :'(
I know there are still good men and women out there, but they are very rare these days and you have to sift through the idiots, who pretend to be so nice, but this doesn't last long, their true colors come out eventually. I am learning to take things slowly, try not to rely on people so much and I will always pay my way with money, not my body. :-) I make all this very clear from the first point of meeting someone, some don't like it or understand, but the ones who continue to talk to me are the ones who I try to befriend.
Thank you
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Old 09-13-2019, 07:06 AM
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BrokenHeart.

We live in a society where lots of people only think of themselves. It is very sad. If they would only think about others first, it would be a much nicer world. Those people seem few and far between.

I'm glad your sticking to your boundaries and being honest with people. They should respect that you are not trying to be someone you are not just to please them. You should have to compromise to have a fulfilling life.

On a side note you, I was rereading your post and i noticed you said you have sheep. I think that is cool. Are they hard to take care of? Do they following you around like a dog does? How many do you have? Sorry for the sheep question, just never knew anyone who had them, but have lots of farms around me that have a few. Keep coming back here you are not alone. Have a great day.
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Old 09-13-2019, 03:57 PM
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Just remember not all men are bad, just as not all women are good. I know some fabulous Aussie blokes. What else is there to do where you live? Landcare? Show organising committee? Film society? So many things so much more interesting than dealing with a whole lot of pi**ed blokes at the pub.
I'd like some alpacas. Keep the grass down, and guard the house!
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