Yes, this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Yes, this!
I didn’t cause it.
I can’t control it.
But I won’t condone it.
I didn’t cause it. This one is really hard to accept, because I knew I was in a toxic relationship. And maybe if my partner had been happier, he wouldn’t have wanted to drink. Maybe I am making him unhappy, maybe this started with me.
As much credit as I’d like to give myself, I don’t think I’m capable of that. I didn’t cause his disease.
I can’t control it. I can’t be better. I can’t be quieter. I can’t care less about being mistreated and lied to. I can’t control this person, I could hardly control myself.
I won’t condone it. And me being there means that i do. And as much as I want to help — as much I cherish this person’s life, it isn’t mine to save.
A good friend told me once that you cannot hurry someone to their rock bottom. And you can’t assume that what WOULD be your rock bottom, will be theirs.
Are you dealing with an addict right now? You may not know, because they may not label themselves as such. That’s going to be one of many things you have to accept.
I have to accept that boundaries are the distance at which I can love myself and that person simultaneously. Because I did, so much. And I’m sure you do, too.
I also had to accept that the only life I could save was my own.
I can’t control it.
But I won’t condone it.
I didn’t cause it. This one is really hard to accept, because I knew I was in a toxic relationship. And maybe if my partner had been happier, he wouldn’t have wanted to drink. Maybe I am making him unhappy, maybe this started with me.
As much credit as I’d like to give myself, I don’t think I’m capable of that. I didn’t cause his disease.
I can’t control it. I can’t be better. I can’t be quieter. I can’t care less about being mistreated and lied to. I can’t control this person, I could hardly control myself.
I won’t condone it. And me being there means that i do. And as much as I want to help — as much I cherish this person’s life, it isn’t mine to save.
A good friend told me once that you cannot hurry someone to their rock bottom. And you can’t assume that what WOULD be your rock bottom, will be theirs.
Are you dealing with an addict right now? You may not know, because they may not label themselves as such. That’s going to be one of many things you have to accept.
I have to accept that boundaries are the distance at which I can love myself and that person simultaneously. Because I did, so much. And I’m sure you do, too.
I also had to accept that the only life I could save was my own.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Oh Laur12, yes you are right.
if you weighed less or more, were taller or shorter, would they love you more, drink less, get sober?
No.
My counsellor told me straight this week: stop focussing on what consequences there may be for others (of me leaving my relationship), and focus on what you want (in a relationship).
We can't control anything but how we react. Good on you for thinking about your boundaries.
if you weighed less or more, were taller or shorter, would they love you more, drink less, get sober?
No.
My counsellor told me straight this week: stop focussing on what consequences there may be for others (of me leaving my relationship), and focus on what you want (in a relationship).
We can't control anything but how we react. Good on you for thinking about your boundaries.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by Wombaticus 
Oh Laur12, yes you are right.
if you weighed less or more, were taller or shorter, would they love you more, drink less, get sober?
No.
My counsellor told me straight this week: stop focussing on what consequences there may be for others (of me leaving my relationship), and focus on what you want (in a relationship).
We can't control anything but how we react. Good on you for thinking about your boundaries.
if you weighed less or more, were taller or shorter, would they love you more, drink less, get sober?
No.
My counsellor told me straight this week: stop focussing on what consequences there may be for others (of me leaving my relationship), and focus on what you want (in a relationship).
We can't control anything but how we react. Good on you for thinking about your boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 62
Ahhhhh, you can't hurry someone to their rock bottom and their rock bottom wouldn't match yours.
Wow, reading that, I realized I've had that hope for a very long time. Just get to the bottom so we can rebuild. So many bottoms and no change. Eye opening.
Wow, reading that, I realized I've had that hope for a very long time. Just get to the bottom so we can rebuild. So many bottoms and no change. Eye opening.
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