How do you watch?

Old 09-02-2019, 05:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 1
How do you watch?

Been dating someone for the past three years very long distance. Recently discovered her problem with alcohol. She done very well at hiding it. Health finally took a turn and couldn't hid it any more. She made it a month before she drank again. Of coarse I got the I don't want to be like this speech and the guilt trip for being upset with her. Gave her another chance and that lasted all of 3 weeks.

Question is, How do you decide to stay and watch the lies and relapses or decide to go?
javier is offline  
Old 09-02-2019, 06:07 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,885
Hi Javier, welcome to Soberrecovery and so sorry for what brings you.

There is an old saying that "When the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving, you leave."

There were a few things that my qualifier (qualifier = alcoholic with whom you have a relationship) said over a short time period that convinced me that 1) he was not going to get help and 2) he wasn't really open to what was required to make a relationship work.

Also I really thought he was going to die and if I stayed I would die too . . . .hmmm . . . .maybe not die but my life would not be good as it would be chained to a dying person.

Really tough stuff.
Bekindalways is offline  
Old 09-02-2019, 06:19 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,565
Originally Posted by javier View Post
Question is, How do you decide to stay and watch the lies and relapses or decide to go?
I think you have kind of answered your own question?

You can stay if you like. So she lies too? Do you want to be in a relationship with an addict that lies?

Or do you cut ties and move on to other things in your life.

That's entirely your call.

Now breaking up with someone is hurtful. Do you stay and be hurt or break up and be REALLY hurt? It's not a great choice! The difference is if you choose the first option then the pain is just ongoing. If you choose the second one you free yourself to move along to something else, something happier after you recover from the pain (or short term pain for long term gain as another member here says).

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.

What are you inclined to do at this point?
trailmix is online now  
Old 09-02-2019, 06:52 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I think an important factor... you’re ALREADY having concerns & issues living separately/long distance. Try LIVING directly in that chaos!

Am I correct with this? That you both don’t or haven’t lived together?

So honestly that’s all you have to ask yourself... do you want that rollercoaster in your life 24/7? Not saying, she doesn’t have redeeming qualities or ambitions... it’s just the truth to say that her addiction will override 100% of anything good... and I’m talking about the good in YOU.

I wish I had truly understood alcoholism 6 years ago. Thankfully I walked away but still paying the price.
LifeChangeNYC is offline  
Old 09-03-2019, 02:59 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Javier...….we have thousands...thousands....of real life stories, here on this forum. I don't know how long you have been reading...but, I suggest that you KEEP reading....read through all of the stories...this will give you real life experiences of those who (most) stayed for the long haul. Right from the horses' mouths...…
Also, we have an extensive library of articles, in the sticky section----at the top of the main page, above the threads. I am going to give you a direct link to the stickies...…
These articles----more than 100...are about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones.....
Learn all you can....Now.
Knowledge is power.

Here is that link...…
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

In addition...if you are willing to read a book---the most frequently recommended book on this forum is "Co-dependent No More".....you can get it at the library or on amazon.com. cheaper, if you get a used one....
dandylion is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:54 PM.