Feeling weak
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 13
Feeling weak
Today is my 30th birthday. I have had my alcoholic boyfriend blocked for 3 weeks now since he broke up with me. the only way that he could contact me is if you physically showed up at my apartment, wrote me a letter, or sent me an e-mail. But I know none of those things are going to happen. I dated this person for 11 years and they just threw me away like a piece of trash. I'm so tempted to unblock him I want him to care about me and love me the way that I needed but I know that I won't just having a moment of weakness but I know unblocking him will produce nothing good. I have no idea whether he has reached out to me or not and if I unblock him and he didn't it will make me feel worse and if he did I'll be tempted to answer back and that will be good either. I have to remember no contact equals no new hurt.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
If you have any contact, sooner or later you’re going to get to re-live the last three weeks all over again, except even worse. Don’t do that to yourself, right?
This is a watershed day for you...a day that will mark your new life as a confident, capable woman who takes **** from no one.
Buy yourself something fabulous and know that better days lie ahead!
This is a watershed day for you...a day that will mark your new life as a confident, capable woman who takes **** from no one.
Buy yourself something fabulous and know that better days lie ahead!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
First of all, happy birthday to you. I hope today begins a time of happiness for you.
So probably timely to review.
Have you made a list of every terrible thing he has said and done and keep that list handy - as in hand written with you all the time to refer to? No matter how you try, he is who he is and is comfortable with that and what he is, is an addict. An addict cannot be in a relationship, that's a fact.
Well they can be there, physically, just not mentally.
Well that's all pretty negative stuff for a day of celebration.
Maybe make a list of all the positive things you have in your life, like your new career and how you achieved that. Things you would like to try and then research how you can do that. Have you always wanted to holiday in Cancun? How about researching that holiday today?
What about pottery or glass blowing or soap making or any number of hobbies, whatever interests you, book a class.
You are still hurting, this takes a while. He can't help, in fact contacting him would hurt you more. Even if he welcomed you with open arms it would just be more of the same.
The whole thing about if you unblocked him and didn't see any messages, that's one of the things. You cannot trust your feelings to someone who is untrustworthy with them, or at least you shouldn't, protect yourself.
While this may not be the happiest birthday you have ever had (you are still grieving), try to look forward at least a bit and maybe plan out that trip or book that class?
So probably timely to review.
Have you made a list of every terrible thing he has said and done and keep that list handy - as in hand written with you all the time to refer to? No matter how you try, he is who he is and is comfortable with that and what he is, is an addict. An addict cannot be in a relationship, that's a fact.
Well they can be there, physically, just not mentally.
Well that's all pretty negative stuff for a day of celebration.
Maybe make a list of all the positive things you have in your life, like your new career and how you achieved that. Things you would like to try and then research how you can do that. Have you always wanted to holiday in Cancun? How about researching that holiday today?
What about pottery or glass blowing or soap making or any number of hobbies, whatever interests you, book a class.
You are still hurting, this takes a while. He can't help, in fact contacting him would hurt you more. Even if he welcomed you with open arms it would just be more of the same.
The whole thing about if you unblocked him and didn't see any messages, that's one of the things. You cannot trust your feelings to someone who is untrustworthy with them, or at least you shouldn't, protect yourself.
While this may not be the happiest birthday you have ever had (you are still grieving), try to look forward at least a bit and maybe plan out that trip or book that class?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 190
Every time I broke no contact and let AXBF back into my life, I paid the price. I always had these wonderful yet small moments of strength and clarity every time we broke up, but I know how hard they are to sustain.
You are worthy of so much more than a man who makes you feel like trash. My favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don't let him have that power over you.
I am SO sorry you're feeling this way on your birthday. Take solace in the fact that you are doing the right thing and that you won't always feel this way.
*Big hugs*
You are worthy of so much more than a man who makes you feel like trash. My favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Don't let him have that power over you.
I am SO sorry you're feeling this way on your birthday. Take solace in the fact that you are doing the right thing and that you won't always feel this way.
*Big hugs*
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You know, on my 30th birthday I had just broken up with AB2. It was not a great day.
Five months later I met my husband...we’ve been married now for 26 years.
Better things await, sweetie. I promise.
Five months later I met my husband...we’ve been married now for 26 years.
Better things await, sweetie. I promise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Stay no contact. I know precisely how you feel -- dumped, I wanted to call up and scream at him. Thank God I didn't give in, life got so much better. It takes a while to feel free (one step forward, two steps back), but it's so worth the effort. Big hug!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 296
Please, please back away. Honestly he's done you a kindness letting you go (unknowingly). I know it feels like hell but you got out!! Immerse yourself in anything, everything. Distract, distract. Move cities if you can. Be with real people who can support you.
You did the right thing.. It just hurts. The pain will go away and you'll never look at a relationship in the same way. You might find you'll inspire others to take a stand too. You can do this.
Big squeeze, if I was there I'd be taking you out for cake, the zoo, panto.. Chipendales.. Are they still a thing?
You did the right thing.. It just hurts. The pain will go away and you'll never look at a relationship in the same way. You might find you'll inspire others to take a stand too. You can do this.
Big squeeze, if I was there I'd be taking you out for cake, the zoo, panto.. Chipendales.. Are they still a thing?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
During the first year I was apart from her, we had a handful of interactions. Every single one was pure hell for me. She was as I can only describe in full addict mode. Nothing good came from it.
I always felt much worse about not talking to her on her birthday than she not talking to me on mine.
I am sorry for your situation & happy 30th birthday.
I always felt much worse about not talking to her on her birthday than she not talking to me on mine.
I am sorry for your situation & happy 30th birthday.
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