I know, not my lane
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 223
I know, not my lane
But I have to ask because I still feel like I want a crystal ball to know how long I should be thinking my kid has a dad.
he’s on sober link so I know his BAC is zero when he picks up our little one for visits. He rescheduled twice and then flaked out last weekend. For the second time in two weeks when he’s come to pick her up he is visibly shaking. He always talks like he isn’t drinking -talking about “his recovery“ despite never having admitted he fell off the wagon even when I was testing him myself for pick ups and he would be three and four times the legal limit. So of course he always acts like he doesn’t drink anymore when I see him.
is there anything other than withdrawl that would cause such trembling hands? Last time it was 4 o’clock in the afternoon and today it’s 9 AM. He had decompensated cirrhosis as of a year ago and was doing better after several months dry, but I don’t think the shaking is from that. The only time I saw his hands shake even when he was sick was when he hadn’t had a drink yet before he realized that he shook when he didn’t drink.
The five-year mortality rate is about 80% for where he was at and his liver disease for those who don’t quit. I always assume he is drunk all but the 12 hours a week that he is required by the court not to be, but I feel like this is confirmation that is probably true.
he’s on sober link so I know his BAC is zero when he picks up our little one for visits. He rescheduled twice and then flaked out last weekend. For the second time in two weeks when he’s come to pick her up he is visibly shaking. He always talks like he isn’t drinking -talking about “his recovery“ despite never having admitted he fell off the wagon even when I was testing him myself for pick ups and he would be three and four times the legal limit. So of course he always acts like he doesn’t drink anymore when I see him.
is there anything other than withdrawl that would cause such trembling hands? Last time it was 4 o’clock in the afternoon and today it’s 9 AM. He had decompensated cirrhosis as of a year ago and was doing better after several months dry, but I don’t think the shaking is from that. The only time I saw his hands shake even when he was sick was when he hadn’t had a drink yet before he realized that he shook when he didn’t drink.
The five-year mortality rate is about 80% for where he was at and his liver disease for those who don’t quit. I always assume he is drunk all but the 12 hours a week that he is required by the court not to be, but I feel like this is confirmation that is probably true.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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A gentle reminder, Soberlink and other devices are simply a tool in protection from intoxication in that moment. It's a huge thing. Yet it means nothing in terms of recovery. One step at a time. One moment at a time. Trust your gut instincts. Kudos on posting here about this! 
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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You can get shakes like that in early withdrawal.
He doesn’t drink to pass soberlink but is in withdrawal when pick up occurs.
The big question is if he “tops up” to stop the shakes after pickups.
I’m not saying any of the above is true but when I quit cold turkey years ago, or after a big binge my hands also shook.
He doesn’t drink to pass soberlink but is in withdrawal when pick up occurs.
The big question is if he “tops up” to stop the shakes after pickups.
I’m not saying any of the above is true but when I quit cold turkey years ago, or after a big binge my hands also shook.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
You can get shakes like that in early withdrawal.
He doesn’t drink to pass soberlink but is in withdrawal when pick up occurs.
The big question is if he “tops up” to stop the shakes after pickups.
I’m not saying any of the above is true but when I quit cold turkey years ago, or after a big binge my hands also shook.
He doesn’t drink to pass soberlink but is in withdrawal when pick up occurs.
The big question is if he “tops up” to stop the shakes after pickups.
I’m not saying any of the above is true but when I quit cold turkey years ago, or after a big binge my hands also shook.
he has to test at pickup, halfway through and dropoff. Thank you, best family law judge on planet.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Originally Posted by DiggingForFire
But I have to ask because I still feel like I want a crystal ball to know how long I should be thinking my kid has a dad.
The five-year mortality rate is about 80% for where he was at and his liver disease for those who don’t quit. I always assume he is drunk all but the 12 hours a week that he is required by the court not to be, but I feel like this is confirmation that is probably true.
The five-year mortality rate is about 80% for where he was at and his liver disease for those who don’t quit. I always assume he is drunk all but the 12 hours a week that he is required by the court not to be, but I feel like this is confirmation that is probably true.
I don't think you are crossing from your side of the street to ask this. It would be helpful to be able to make plans for yourself and kid.
So happy for you that you had a judge that got it. Also glad you can use soberlink to keep kid safe.
Watching addicts decline sure is like watching the tangent of a thrown object. Perhaps not quite as predictable but there is still the downward path . . . sigh.
I hope someone with more knowledge pipes in here.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I could have written your post word for word ... for the last couple of years of his life, my ex was on SoberLink for visits, and he too had visible tremors (mainly hands and face). I knew from SL that his BAC was zero while with Kid, so I'm guessing the tremors were because he was a couple of hours away from a drink, but they can also be a sign of brain damage (google "alcohol-related cerebellar dysfunction" or "cerebellar ataxia"). As long as he wasn't drinking while with Kid, his physical condition wasn't my business.
In hindsight, though, it was the beginning of the end. About a year after the tremors became noticeable and persistent, he started having seizures (which may or may not have been related to withdrawal), and then a year after that, he had a "massive cardiac event", probably triggered by an arrhythmia and died on the spot. His heart showed enlargement (probably alcohol, possibly also cocaine) and damage from an earlier heart attack.
So - no way to know for certain, but be prepared for the worst and thank God for SoberLink!
In hindsight, though, it was the beginning of the end. About a year after the tremors became noticeable and persistent, he started having seizures (which may or may not have been related to withdrawal), and then a year after that, he had a "massive cardiac event", probably triggered by an arrhythmia and died on the spot. His heart showed enlargement (probably alcohol, possibly also cocaine) and damage from an earlier heart attack.
So - no way to know for certain, but be prepared for the worst and thank God for SoberLink!
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