I didn’t believe it was possible...
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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I didn’t believe it was possible...
I remember crying day/night about my ex girlfriend’s alcoholism and our traumatic 5 year relationship. After I walked out this past May and went NC... I seriously came to this forum every 15 minutes craving some kind of support and validation that I wasn’t going crazy (even though... trust me, I felt I was!).
You see, at the time... I didn’t believe it was possible NOT to feel the enormous weight of sadness I had been carrying for so long. I had been so deeply consumed by my ex’s addiction... I had completely lost every bit of my own life and all my own thoughts. For she was on my mind 24/7. Looking back... I can’t even believe how obsessed I had been... obsessed with worry, guilt, sadness, loneliness, control or lack of. That relationship left me 100% drained.
For the past 6 months, I’ve sadly started having severe nerve damage in both my legs (shooting pains, pins & needles, heat, spasms) so much that I’ve had to quit 3 jobs ... all that became too physical (standing 8 hours hurts too much). I don’t know the origin of all this yet. But I spent 2 nights in the ER a few days ago... and one word that each doctor would tell me: TRAUMA!
Trauma, trauma, trauma. What trauma does to the body (both emotionally & physically) is enormous! Living with an active alcoholic is utter trauma!! And what all that pain, fear, loneliness and sadness does to your body is detrimental. (Not directly connecting my nerve pain to my past relationship but it certainly didn’t help!)
I’m still not out of the woods. I’m still taking things day by day. I’m still lonely and in my own recovery. But there is good news: I feel better! Even with pain. Every single day I’m amazed that I haven’t obsessed about my ex. I am focused on my own life... dreams... and getting healthy.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me in my recovery. This forum truly saved my life... and continues to.
And if someone reading this (I know you’re out there!) is crying over the alcoholic they love... and feeling utterly drained... I’ve been there. There is hope — but you’ve got to take a painful step to save your life and your OWN health!
You see, at the time... I didn’t believe it was possible NOT to feel the enormous weight of sadness I had been carrying for so long. I had been so deeply consumed by my ex’s addiction... I had completely lost every bit of my own life and all my own thoughts. For she was on my mind 24/7. Looking back... I can’t even believe how obsessed I had been... obsessed with worry, guilt, sadness, loneliness, control or lack of. That relationship left me 100% drained.
For the past 6 months, I’ve sadly started having severe nerve damage in both my legs (shooting pains, pins & needles, heat, spasms) so much that I’ve had to quit 3 jobs ... all that became too physical (standing 8 hours hurts too much). I don’t know the origin of all this yet. But I spent 2 nights in the ER a few days ago... and one word that each doctor would tell me: TRAUMA!
Trauma, trauma, trauma. What trauma does to the body (both emotionally & physically) is enormous! Living with an active alcoholic is utter trauma!! And what all that pain, fear, loneliness and sadness does to your body is detrimental. (Not directly connecting my nerve pain to my past relationship but it certainly didn’t help!)
I’m still not out of the woods. I’m still taking things day by day. I’m still lonely and in my own recovery. But there is good news: I feel better! Even with pain. Every single day I’m amazed that I haven’t obsessed about my ex. I am focused on my own life... dreams... and getting healthy.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me in my recovery. This forum truly saved my life... and continues to.
And if someone reading this (I know you’re out there!) is crying over the alcoholic they love... and feeling utterly drained... I’ve been there. There is hope — but you’ve got to take a painful step to save your life and your OWN health!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
Regarding your leg pain, I highly recommend seeing a neurologist. What you describe is how my pain originally started, although mine was only in one leg. I didn't seek medical attention until it became neuropathy in both hands and feet.
While trama could be a cause, it would be best to see a neurologist to find the definitive cause. This is what we have been trying to do for the past few months. In the meantime, I take 3600mg of Gabapentin daily to help with the pain.
While trama could be a cause, it would be best to see a neurologist to find the definitive cause. This is what we have been trying to do for the past few months. In the meantime, I take 3600mg of Gabapentin daily to help with the pain.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Remarkable NYC, I am so happy for you!
I'm sorry about your problems with your legs though, trauma from living within the realm of the tornado that is alcoholism is traumatic, I certainly agree with that.
I hope you find solutions soon for your nerve problems in your legs. Rest, relaxation, plenty of fluids and SR : )
I'm sorry about your problems with your legs though, trauma from living within the realm of the tornado that is alcoholism is traumatic, I certainly agree with that.
I hope you find solutions soon for your nerve problems in your legs. Rest, relaxation, plenty of fluids and SR : )
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I have appointments in Sept with both a neurologist & orthopedic surgeon to begin trickling down the issue. It’s pretty scary. I had an MRI last week and my spine looks good... but this only leads to more questions. I’ve started gabapentin but it’s not doing much. Acupuncture & massage helps but is too expensive to remain consistent.
I’m thankful though to be able to finally focus on myself, my health and my healing.
I’m thankful though to be able to finally focus on myself, my health and my healing.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
I have nerve pain as well...its like a sharp needle that will hit me in my upper arms, my arch, and most recently, my big toe. Also, sometimes it feels like ice water is dripping on me. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I think it warrants attention.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
They started me on 300mg of Gabapentin, three times a day. Pffftt... It did nothing. They played around with the dosage until they raised it to 400mg, 3 pills three times a day and that actually helps. You may want to talk to your doctor about upping your dosage.
LPS...please do see your doctor. Untreated nerve pain will only get worse. You don't want to end up like me. Some days I can barely walk and some days the pain is so bad I just sit here and cry until it passes. Please seek medical attention.
LPS...please do see your doctor. Untreated nerve pain will only get worse. You don't want to end up like me. Some days I can barely walk and some days the pain is so bad I just sit here and cry until it passes. Please seek medical attention.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
I have had multiple tests, x-rays, and blood tests, and I think they are running out of reasons for the neuropathy. I will be having a CT scan in the next two weeks. Hopefully that will show something. Nerve pain is the worst.
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Oh Suki, I’m so sorry. It’s honestly my greatest fear. It’s gotten progressively worse in just 6 months... odd and unexplainable pain, spasms, twitching. I basically have RLS/pins & needles 24/7 but my nerve pain then shoots around my entire body... affecting my arms, shoulders, back. Random. I also experience numbness in my right foot & leg area, mostly at night. I did tell my doctor and she really is limited in terms of helping. I’m hoping more comes from my upcoming appointments. But sadly I’m learning that so many millions suffer extreme neuropathy without any clue as to it’s origins! I know it’s progressive... I am very concerned especially since I live in a walking city. My entire world depends on walking.
It’s overwhelming — but I’m hoping to find some answers! Trying to stay positive...
So surprised how many suffer with this...
It’s overwhelming — but I’m hoping to find some answers! Trying to stay positive...
So surprised how many suffer with this...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
I hope your neurologist is able to shed some light. You will probably need to go through several tests, both blood tests and physical tests to hopefully point to a cause. Unfortunately, those tests didn't do that for me. If the CT scan doesn't shed some light, I don't know what the next step will be. I just know I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.
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Ugh. Sadly I was hoping to see something on the MRI... a pinched nerve or disc issue but nope. I’ve had 16 surgeries (!) over the past 6 years for a lot of issues so who knows... could have been from a hidden complication or toxicity from a medication?
I’ve honestly been through hell & back while also living with an active alcoholic. Glad that’s over! Now my body needs time to heal.
I had an amazing interview yesterday for a desk job doing something interesting so fingers crossed with that!
Then I want to start yoga and go back to acupuncture.
But doctors did say answers are often limited. Blogs & forums for this really shed light on how isolated people suffering feel.
I’ve honestly been through hell & back while also living with an active alcoholic. Glad that’s over! Now my body needs time to heal.
I had an amazing interview yesterday for a desk job doing something interesting so fingers crossed with that!
Then I want to start yoga and go back to acupuncture.
But doctors did say answers are often limited. Blogs & forums for this really shed light on how isolated people suffering feel.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,628
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I have had multiple tests, x-rays, and blood tests, and I think they are running out of reasons for the neuropathy. I will be having a CT scan in the next two weeks. Hopefully that will show something. Nerve pain is the worst.
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Lifechange, I'm sorry to hear about your leg pain, but happy you are taking care of yourself!
As an aside to all, remember, we are not doctors and we cannot diagnose or suggest medications or medication doses to anyone over the internet.
As an aside to all, remember, we are not doctors and we cannot diagnose or suggest medications or medication doses to anyone over the internet.
10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC
Trauma, trauma, trauma. What trauma does to the body (both emotionally & physically) is enormous! Living with an active alcoholic is utter trauma!! And what all that pain, fear, loneliness and sadness does to your body is detrimental.
And if someone reading this (I know you’re out there!) is crying over the alcoholic they love... and feeling utterly drained... I’ve been there. There is hope — but you’ve got to take a painful step to save your life and your OWN health!
You can see as many doctors or specialists as necessary but from now on your priority needs to be your health. I neglected my health for so long... recently I spent almost a grand on blood tests and various types of scans or x-rays and I'm still not in the clear. Since leaving my addict ex there are only four things I worry about: food, sleep, exercise, and money to keep those things going... and worrying about those things take up all my energy.
You can do this!
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Thank you so much everyone!
This post was less about my nerve damage — and more about how I’m finally on the path to taking better care of myself. Even with pain, I’m happier!
I really wanted to make a point how putting 100% on your alcoholic partner can obviously ruin your life, emotionally & physically. I think the price many of us paid (& continue to pay) is enormous. And honestly you don’t even realize all this until you’ve often walked away completely from the relationship.
This post was less about my nerve damage — and more about how I’m finally on the path to taking better care of myself. Even with pain, I’m happier!
I really wanted to make a point how putting 100% on your alcoholic partner can obviously ruin your life, emotionally & physically. I think the price many of us paid (& continue to pay) is enormous. And honestly you don’t even realize all this until you’ve often walked away completely from the relationship.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC
Thank you so much everyone!
This post was less about my nerve damage — and more about how I’m finally on the path to taking better care of myself. Even with pain, I’m happier!
I really wanted to make a point how putting 100% on your alcoholic partner can obviously ruin your life, emotionally & physically. I think the price many of us paid (& continue to pay) is enormous. And honestly you don’t even realize all this until you’ve often walked away completely from the relationship.
This post was less about my nerve damage — and more about how I’m finally on the path to taking better care of myself. Even with pain, I’m happier!
I really wanted to make a point how putting 100% on your alcoholic partner can obviously ruin your life, emotionally & physically. I think the price many of us paid (& continue to pay) is enormous. And honestly you don’t even realize all this until you’ve often walked away completely from the relationship.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 108
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm really glad you're finally feeling some relief from the relationship.
I can very much relate to the physical side effects of being in a toxic relationship. My face even started to look different when I looked in the mirror. Sadness, anger, pain, and trauma will absolutely manifest itself physically.
I've had some bad exes but nothing comes close to the physical and mental trauma I've experienced dating an alcoholic. Their sickness becomes your sickness and it takes an immense effort to rid it from your system.
Keep taking care of yourself!
I can very much relate to the physical side effects of being in a toxic relationship. My face even started to look different when I looked in the mirror. Sadness, anger, pain, and trauma will absolutely manifest itself physically.
I've had some bad exes but nothing comes close to the physical and mental trauma I've experienced dating an alcoholic. Their sickness becomes your sickness and it takes an immense effort to rid it from your system.
Keep taking care of yourself!
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Agree, JJ! When you’re “in it”... you’re just trying to survive... stay afloat... but your mind/body is suffering such immense pain!
Myself, you & so many others on here were/are devoting all their energy/love/focus onto the alcoholics in their life... so much that their own health and well-being gets kicked to the curb!!!
It’s really heart breaking. Gets me pretty angry now... looking back on things.
And yes... agree... living & loving an alcoholic was (by far!) the greatest trauma I have ever experienced.
Myself, you & so many others on here were/are devoting all their energy/love/focus onto the alcoholics in their life... so much that their own health and well-being gets kicked to the curb!!!
It’s really heart breaking. Gets me pretty angry now... looking back on things.
And yes... agree... living & loving an alcoholic was (by far!) the greatest trauma I have ever experienced.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
I don’t come back here often because reading about active As makes me triggered at times, so I have to tell you that I was so happy to see the progress you have made. It was a good read.
I know I told you before about traumatic (trauma) bonding and abuse. If I didn’t recommend the book “The Body Keeps Score” I’m going to do that now. It is eye opening about what trauma does to us.
Keep moving forward; it’s the only direction we can go.
I know I told you before about traumatic (trauma) bonding and abuse. If I didn’t recommend the book “The Body Keeps Score” I’m going to do that now. It is eye opening about what trauma does to us.
Keep moving forward; it’s the only direction we can go.
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