Wombaticus

I've just driven off from the house in anger, and now sitting in the train station car park wondering what next. I dont want to go home. Just overwhelmed.

dandylion

Wombaticus….I can remember times, in my past, when I have done the very same thing.....ao I could "cool off" and get some kind of mental grip on a particular situation.....

Seren

If you have a few dollars, take yourself for a meal and some coffee. Breathe....call a friend if you have one up this early.

Think about what positive, forward-looking thing you can do for yourself today.

Wombaticus

Thanks Seren.
Ive come home. Youngest came to hug me and said he was glad I came back. Essentially after crying for over an hour i realised i was sad and angry about telling AH how i felt rejected in a fight we had last monday, and there has been no acknowledgement of this for a week.
He will now be thinking i am mentally ill, depressed, menopausal, working too much , had an affair... you name it. Anything to ensure he has to take no responsibility at all for how i feel.
I don't feel depressed, just really ticked off and really sad. Life is just not meant to be like this.

dandylion

Wombaticus...I think that, in an intimate relationship, we have a need to feel "seen" and "heard"....to know that we matter...that we have feelings and emotions that are important.....I think that is really what makes a relationship an intimate one.
I felt like that in my first m arriage...and that, combined with extraordinary amounts of criticism, lobbed at me....drove me away from him...to divorce.
I felt like I was just taking up a space...that I was just an unpaid and unappreciated housekeeper.
I have never regretted that decision....

Seren

Now What? is a good question...

Now what are you going to do today to improve how you feel about yourself? It's like the whole Ruby Slippers scene from the Wizard of Oz--you had the power all along!
Now what will you do just for you today?

You have the power to change your life and make it a peaceful and happy one whether or not your alcoholic loved one is drinking. You may have some big decisions to make in the future, but just for today, make some sunshine for yourself.

Sending hugs!! Hang in there, I hope the day gets better

Mango212

Kids deserve at least one healthy parent. Taking care of ourselves can provide emotional stability within a very difficult illness -- this family disease of alcoholism that affects all the close family members, as well as the alcoholic.

The alcoholic may or may not go to AA or recovery centers. May or may not work a recovery program.

The same goes for us. We have this choice of recovery. Take things simply a moment at a time. Give yourself credit for stepping up, being alive, feeling feelings and doing new things.

Ditto what Seren said.

Are there Al-Anon and Alateen meetings available in your area? My first one was an hour drive, and my home group was two hours each way, once a week to start. It was a great investment. Having a sponsor and in person connections can make a big difference.

SmallButMighty

Wombaticus, Sorry you had such a moment of anger and frustration. I know that can feel overwhelming and all consuming. It's good you removed yourself from the situation and gave yourself the time to re-group. We all need to do that sometimes.

So, you don't have to tell me, but what kind of simple things bring you enjoyment? A walk in the woods or at the beach? Feeding the ducks at the park? A good book and a steaming cup of tea? A big bowl of buttery popcorn and a movie? Retail therapy if the budget allows? Lock yourself in the bathroom (with your ear buds in) and have a bubble bath or give yourself a pedicure? Take a long drive with the music blaring? There must be something you can do that makes you happy (or at least relaxed) and puts the focus solely on yourself for a couple hours. You deserve to do something kind for yourself, yourself deserves it.

hopeful4

Sending you huge hugs and lots of support!

trailmix

No, it's not meant to be like this.

I'm glad you are angry. Not because it's a great feeling for you or anyone else but because when you feel "invisible" to your partner you should be angry. The alternatives, apathy, feeling down about yourself, accepting that you are invisible - well those are much worse.

At least you are fighting back (if not externally, then internally).

This is stressful though, it's hard on you and it's important to be mindful of that. I bet if you did some kind of relaxation technique you would be surprised at how tense you are, once you start to relax a bit. Not just today but every day.

I hope you have others that are available to spend time with you today, friends, family or go out and have your nails done and relax. I don't know if you do meditation or other activities that help you to relax but even go for a nature walk (even at your local park).

You're not invisible. You're not "too sensitive" you're not over-reacting and you're not crazy.

Wombaticus

thanks all. Its been a rough week. Lots of second guessing myself as he is being nice. LOL - feeling uncomfortable because someone is being nice ??? Ridiculous!!!
I can see now that I have been angry for a long time now - at various people in my life who make it all about them, and dont listen or hear me.
That is at the heart of my unhappiness, when it all gets too much.
A friend vented about a colleague a few days ago, thanked me and then sent a note later to thank me again. I said...you are most welcome. This is what life is about. Kindness. Its very simple. Not power struggles, jealousy, resentment. Life is just too short to waste it on negativity.
Bought myself some flowers on the way to work.
Thanks for listening. You people may have saved me, yet again. X

ironwill

Wombaticus, Good for you for picking up flowers for yourself. Things that can bring you happiness are always good for the heart. Your view on kindness is point on. I wish more people took that point of view. "Life" is too short to deal with all the negative stuff. Anytime you need to talk or vent we are all here for you. Have a great day and don't forget to "stop and smell the flowers"