What more will it take? Where is Rock Bottom??
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
This cretin is basically holding you hostage!!
Please, please see an attorney! They can help you get your papers out of his trunk, and serve him with eviction papers. Since he has lived there for 4 years, it's probable that you will need to formally evict him if he refuses to leave.
Please, please see an attorney! They can help you get your papers out of his trunk, and serve him with eviction papers. Since he has lived there for 4 years, it's probable that you will need to formally evict him if he refuses to leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
Trailmix Suki and Anvil,
Thank you do much for your kind eye opening words. I know their is nothing to miss. It’s purely the help factor I guess that worries me. Day 1 I’m going to need to find someone to come help. In the 4 years, it’s grown well and no way can I and my son do this by ourselves. Right now it’s 3-4 of us and still we are exhausted and work never ends lol. It’s a GREAT thing, but has me nervous about him leaving.
I know I sound so stupid right now. I truly get that, but it’s that and just the fear of ALONE, that freaks me out. Even though I know I will be better off and healthier without this 200 pound weight hanging around here.
I think I realize this is the beginning of the end. I wouldn’t of made this step to post if I wasn’t thinking it needs to END. Now it’s a matter of growing strong enough to force him out.
Thank you do much for your kind eye opening words. I know their is nothing to miss. It’s purely the help factor I guess that worries me. Day 1 I’m going to need to find someone to come help. In the 4 years, it’s grown well and no way can I and my son do this by ourselves. Right now it’s 3-4 of us and still we are exhausted and work never ends lol. It’s a GREAT thing, but has me nervous about him leaving.
I know I sound so stupid right now. I truly get that, but it’s that and just the fear of ALONE, that freaks me out. Even though I know I will be better off and healthier without this 200 pound weight hanging around here.
I think I realize this is the beginning of the end. I wouldn’t of made this step to post if I wasn’t thinking it needs to END. Now it’s a matter of growing strong enough to force him out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
He usually hides his keys each night to prevent me from taking them. He has this idea that I might steal his stuff. That’s how he says it, you might take it. I’ve never taken anything from him, but his delusional mind thinks I would.
Come some mornings, he goes on a rampage bc he can’t remember where he put his keys... he either blames me for finding them and stealing them, or blames me for being the cause of him having to hide them. The odd part is, I have never taken anything from him. I don’t need and don’t want his stuff! In fact the car is mine. I traded it to him, it’s not the prettiest or newest thing, but it’s dependable and safe. It’s still in my name, I try to put it in his, so when he drives around it doesn’t come back on me, but he won’t.
Come some mornings, he goes on a rampage bc he can’t remember where he put his keys... he either blames me for finding them and stealing them, or blames me for being the cause of him having to hide them. The odd part is, I have never taken anything from him. I don’t need and don’t want his stuff! In fact the car is mine. I traded it to him, it’s not the prettiest or newest thing, but it’s dependable and safe. It’s still in my name, I try to put it in his, so when he drives around it doesn’t come back on me, but he won’t.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you have a busy active productive farm. your son works with you along with others (besides the cretin). you are NOT alone. you are actually MORE alone right now being in an abusive, demoralizing, pointless relationship with.......the cretin.
your life is so much more than who calls you honey buns. it's time to THRIVE!
your life is so much more than who calls you honey buns. it's time to THRIVE!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Midwest
Posts: 158
So sorry you are going through this. I would take his keys when he is passed out open the trunk and take the papers to a safe deposit box or your parents. I would get a lawyer and get him evicted and while doing that, you may need to get a temporary place to stay. It took me 3 years to get the strength to leave. My only regret was waiting.. well besides marrying him but life is too short and you deserve happiness. Sounds like you are alone now with him there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 63
Oh my goodness. If your name is on the car he’s driving drunk, you can be sued and lose everything if he injures someone. Hasn’t this man taken enough from you? Please get him out of your house, get your name off that car, and get him out of your life. This is a dangerous situation. And you can’t just hope and wish he gets pulled over while driving with his son. If you think turning him in could be bad for you, think about how bad it could be for the boy if you don’t. Get one tough lawyer and tell him/her everything. Your self esteem will rise exponentially when you defend yourself and his innocent child. That boost will propel you forward into a better life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Oh you own the car, well that's easy, a locksmith, getting the keys after he passes out - heck a crowbar, it's your car, do with it what you will.
Correct me if I'm wrong, you are scared to retrieve the papers.
Someone said you are being held hostage. You are.
I have read on this forum over and over - I'm not sure if I can do without him if he leaves (childcare, finances, housing etc).
Well people do it then they come back and post - you know what - my finances are better without him drinking them. Even though there is less money coming in - I have more money! Or I reached out for help, there are resources for me, I'm doing well, still struggling but the peace is worth it.
What is the cost of his drinking? Eating? All other expenses. I don't know what it costs to hire a helper but I guarantee you it won't be that much. If you can offer accommodation as well, that will also cut the cost dramatically and you will still probably be ahead!
I don't know what kind of farm you have but I'm guessing his small contribution will hardly be missed, if at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, you are scared to retrieve the papers.
Someone said you are being held hostage. You are.
I have read on this forum over and over - I'm not sure if I can do without him if he leaves (childcare, finances, housing etc).
Well people do it then they come back and post - you know what - my finances are better without him drinking them. Even though there is less money coming in - I have more money! Or I reached out for help, there are resources for me, I'm doing well, still struggling but the peace is worth it.
What is the cost of his drinking? Eating? All other expenses. I don't know what it costs to hire a helper but I guarantee you it won't be that much. If you can offer accommodation as well, that will also cut the cost dramatically and you will still probably be ahead!
I don't know what kind of farm you have but I'm guessing his small contribution will hardly be missed, if at all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
your papers are your property. call the cops. he can keep the trunk locked for them.
lost, something wise to do would be to talk to your parents about the help, get that lined up, then boot his ass to the ditch.
im certain the folks here can give advise on how to get yer ducks in a row for when that time comes, now all thats necessary is making the decision you are done and ready to get into action to make that happen. the sooner that decision is made the sooner you can get back to being happy and loving yourself
you dont deserve this asshat using and abusing you.
lost, something wise to do would be to talk to your parents about the help, get that lined up, then boot his ass to the ditch.
im certain the folks here can give advise on how to get yer ducks in a row for when that time comes, now all thats necessary is making the decision you are done and ready to get into action to make that happen. the sooner that decision is made the sooner you can get back to being happy and loving yourself
you dont deserve this asshat using and abusing you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
wait- the cars in your name??? i
if the cars in your name, he has no choice but to give you access to YOUR property and the popo will be glad to help.
is your address on his drivers license?
if the cars in your name, he has no choice but to give you access to YOUR property and the popo will be glad to help.
is your address on his drivers license?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
I’m worried about him getting involved in something with the car and me getting in trouble for it, but I don’t know how to make him take me off as the owner. I can sign it over and have, but until he signs it and takes it to the BMV, their is no way. The only other thing I can do is revoke the car and leave him without, but that’s hard to do too.
Im going to go to BMV tomorrow and explain situation and maybe they can tell me what to do next.
I just tried to reason with him to get my papers and car keys that he took out of my purse when I wasn’t looking, and he won’t. I got my keys back but not the papers. I don’t understand this. It’s like a horrible temper tantrum you’d expect from a 5 year old and actually I’ve never met a child who would be this vindictive!
I told him id call police to open MY trunk and he started fake crying and said you’re a baby, go ahead and call them he said. Well... I’m trying to not have to do this. I don’t need the broadcast of that with neighbors who may see, etc!!
This is getting ridiculous
Im going to go to BMV tomorrow and explain situation and maybe they can tell me what to do next.
I just tried to reason with him to get my papers and car keys that he took out of my purse when I wasn’t looking, and he won’t. I got my keys back but not the papers. I don’t understand this. It’s like a horrible temper tantrum you’d expect from a 5 year old and actually I’ve never met a child who would be this vindictive!
I told him id call police to open MY trunk and he started fake crying and said you’re a baby, go ahead and call them he said. Well... I’m trying to not have to do this. I don’t need the broadcast of that with neighbors who may see, etc!!
This is getting ridiculous
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Fake crying and taunting you, what is he 10 years old?
It is ridiculous indeed.
So you have the keys, great, get the papers!
Is the car insured? I hope it is not insured in your name. If it is, you should cancel that right away - let him know too.
Lost4Now, has he ever shown any physical violence toward you at all?
It is ridiculous indeed.
So you have the keys, great, get the papers!
Is the car insured? I hope it is not insured in your name. If it is, you should cancel that right away - let him know too.
Lost4Now, has he ever shown any physical violence toward you at all?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 63
By the number of responses you’re getting from people who’ve seen and experienced almost everything, it should be obvious we’re all worried about you and believe you are in a very bad situation. (Heck...I’m sitting in a plane writing this.) This guy is a manipulative SOB. Kick him out. The DMV will just send you to the police.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 46
Oh he taunts me all the time, that’s nothing new. That’s his favorite thing to do to me. Then when it happens enough, or that with other things and I finally get upset and either get truly mad and cause a ruckus, or cry. One or the other, then suddenly I’m the bad one, the reason for all this, and the crazy one who needs psychiatric help.
I’m even starting to wonder if it’s true... is it me and do I make things worse.
In my head though, I feel like I’m pushed to a breaking point and that’s when I get upset, some days it’s faster than others depending on his subject matter.
I’m even starting to wonder if it’s true... is it me and do I make things worse.
In my head though, I feel like I’m pushed to a breaking point and that’s when I get upset, some days it’s faster than others depending on his subject matter.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
How much are you spending on his beer, transportation, food and medical bills?
I bet you could hire some far stronger, more reliable help for less money and certainly less emotional damage than what you’re experiencing now, yes?
He sounds cruel and horrible. Is this what you want your son to think is how to treat a woman?
You’re the boss. Fire him.
I bet you could hire some far stronger, more reliable help for less money and certainly less emotional damage than what you’re experiencing now, yes?
He sounds cruel and horrible. Is this what you want your son to think is how to treat a woman?
You’re the boss. Fire him.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Lost4Now 
Yes the car is in my name, even though I don’t want it in my name.
No his address is that of his family he lived with prior to me, he has not lived with me the entire 4 years.
No his address is that of his family he lived with prior to me, he has not lived with me the entire 4 years.
revoke the car- he is the only person that put him in this predicament.he is an adult and time for him be one for the first time in his life. time for him to face the consequences for his actions, which people enabling him is how he got to where he is.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Originally Posted by Lost4Now
I’m even starting to wonder if it’s true... is it me and do I make things worse.
You are being abused, I don't know if you truly realize that? He may have never laid a hand on you but he is controlling you. Insulting you and making fun of your etc etc - these are manipulations (abuse) to keep you under control.
As long as he keeps the upper hand as long as he emotionally beats you in to submission - he is in charge.
It's abuse and you don't deserve it and it's not your fault.
If you are now thinking, well trailmix doesn't know us. He knows me, maybe she just doesn't realize.
Well all I can say is that I do know and it's not you and I hope those words stick and replace your self doubt.
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