Another question if u please
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12 
Yes. It is all artificial. A chemical affecting an area of the brain. So the "nice" them and the "nasty" them are just as fake although we like to think the "nice" version is the real version of the person we love.
My AH is dying from his alcoholism.
It is a horrible, fatal disease. Horrendous to those with it and those around them. Indeed crazy.
My AH is dying from his alcoholism.
It is a horrible, fatal disease. Horrendous to those with it and those around them. Indeed crazy.
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It is mental illness.
Looking back to when my alcoholism was active, I can now see how utterly crazy my thinking and behaviour was. At the time, I could not see that. I thought other people were the crazy, unreasonable ones.
Looking back to when my alcoholism was active, I can now see how utterly crazy my thinking and behaviour was. At the time, I could not see that. I thought other people were the crazy, unreasonable ones.
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
just yesterday I told him, I don’t think I really know who you are. He said does anyone really know another? I told him yes! People get to know each other, that’s normal! Once again I felt like the crazy one.
He doesn't have the capacity. You are only ever going to get the sort of answer he gave.
As you say, trying to communicate with him makes you feel like you are crazy so is best not to do it.
You need support from people who have been where you are, not from drunk people who are defending their right to drink.
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
To be honest, there is no point saying things like this to him. You are never going to get a sane, rational answer that will make you feel validated and better.
He doesn't have the capacity. You are only ever going to get the sort of answer he gave.
As you say, trying to communicate with him makes you feel like you are crazy so is best not to do it.
You need support from people who have been where you are, not from drunk people who are defending their right to drink.
He doesn't have the capacity. You are only ever going to get the sort of answer he gave.
As you say, trying to communicate with him makes you feel like you are crazy so is best not to do it.
You need support from people who have been where you are, not from drunk people who are defending their right to drink.
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Originally Posted by CRRHCC
Here is my take: If you are like most people, there is probably some theme in your life that always makes you feel helpless or powerless, and it is this theme that appears just before you DECIDE to drink.
All addictions are caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, helplessness (When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control). Compulsive drinking always serves an emotional purpose.
Reasons for drinking or any compulsive behavior are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes one feel overwhelmingly trapped).
The antidote is to regain control of your feelings, empower yourself with some, "other," high value behavior. The only way you will stop desiring substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using. You must reach that conclusion yourself because, as Aristotle said, “We desire in accordance with our deliberation.”
When your values trump your desire to get drunk you won't get drunk.
All addictions are caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, helplessness (When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control). Compulsive drinking always serves an emotional purpose.
Reasons for drinking or any compulsive behavior are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes one feel overwhelmingly trapped).
The antidote is to regain control of your feelings, empower yourself with some, "other," high value behavior. The only way you will stop desiring substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using. You must reach that conclusion yourself because, as Aristotle said, “We desire in accordance with our deliberation.”
When your values trump your desire to get drunk you won't get drunk.
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When being around Krazy makes you feel Krazy….the thing to do is to step away from Krazy……
A saying that I have heard around recovery circles is this: Two sickies don't make one wellie"...….meaning that two people not in recovery, don't add up to anything healthy.....
A saying that I have heard around recovery circles is this: Two sickies don't make one wellie"...….meaning that two people not in recovery, don't add up to anything healthy.....
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Originally Posted by dandylion
When being around Krazy makes you feel Krazy….the thing to do is to step away from Krazy……
A saying that I have heard around recovery circles is this: Two sickies don't make one wellie"...….meaning that two people not in recovery, don't add up to anything healthy.....
A saying that I have heard around recovery circles is this: Two sickies don't make one wellie"...….meaning that two people not in recovery, don't add up to anything healthy.....
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Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
You would be better to detach from what he says. He is just plain old BS'ing!
It would be far more helpful to you to focus on yourself and your recovery and future.
It would be far more helpful to you to focus on yourself and your recovery and future.
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I do believe Alanon is saving my life along with SR. Today we talked about value. What we value and why. And keep the focus on yourself. It was healing. AH left before me and wasn’t here when I got back and I didn’t care. 😁. I put on some good ol dean martin mambo italiano and worked in the yard. Upon his return he was pouting. Who knows? At any rate, I’m make pizza! Ciao Bella’s!
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How does one build up to a drink? What does that look like, and why is that happening?
i call it a pre meditated drunk. it looks like drunken behavior(words and actions) without alcohol being involved.
why it happens can have many reasons. for myself when i was on a pre meditated drunk where i cam dam close to drinking- i let up on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
ive heard other say they forgot where they came from.
i call it a pre meditated drunk. it looks like drunken behavior(words and actions) without alcohol being involved.
why it happens can have many reasons. for myself when i was on a pre meditated drunk where i cam dam close to drinking- i let up on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
ive heard other say they forgot where they came from.
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
How does one build up to a drink? What does that look like, and why is that happening?
i call it a pre meditated drunk. it looks like drunken behavior(words and actions) without alcohol being involved.
why it happens can have many reasons. for myself when i was on a pre meditated drunk where i cam dam close to drinking- i let up on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
ive heard other say they forgot where they came from.
i call it a pre meditated drunk. it looks like drunken behavior(words and actions) without alcohol being involved.
why it happens can have many reasons. for myself when i was on a pre meditated drunk where i cam dam close to drinking- i let up on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
ive heard other say they forgot where they came from.
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
oh my gosh yes . Whenever AH has a drink it’s like the switch was turned on. Whenever he is too happy I know he’s drinking. It’s an artificial happy but still. During this last binge, when he was tapering, he had a beer on the patio, I went out there and he was so communicative, pleasant, happy, talking like all was right in the world as if he and I were out on the town. This after police, paramedics, hospitals....it’s crazy!
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12
Yes. It is all artificial. A chemical affecting an area of the brain. So the "nice" them and the "nasty" them are just as fake although we like to think the "nice" version is the real version of the person we love.
My AH is dying from his alcoholism.
It is a horrible, fatal disease. Horrendous to those with it and those around them. Indeed crazy.
My AH is dying from his alcoholism.
It is a horrible, fatal disease. Horrendous to those with it and those around them. Indeed crazy.
This is helped me tremendously. Thank you.
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Found in Chapter 6 of the Big Book - Into Action
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf
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Originally Posted by Beachn
I don’t mean to hijack, but this nailed my experience. Without alcohol in her she is an emotionless mute with a constant scowl. When she drinks she becomes freaking Oprah. It’s baffling. Thank you for posting this. It’s a huge tell.
The confusing thing is how kind and articulate my AW is with strangers or those that haven’t witnessed their shenanigans.
This is helped me tremendously. Thank you.
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Beachn and Dazed.....whenever I have seen someone who "flips the switch" toward that happy place SO Dramatically, I always wonder if there is a co-occurring disorder at play, also...…
I have observed this same thing in SOME alcoholics, myself......but, not all.
I'm talking about such a marked change...because, I think that everyone who enters alcohol into their blood can have some subtle mood changes, as they become relaxed and disinhibited, etc....
I have, also, seen this same effect with SOME who are smoking weed, also....
It is pretty much accepted that some people get on the road to alcoholism by using it to, in the beginning, as self medication for some condition....
It is my personal feeling that all persons who are evaluated for alcoholism should, also, be evaluated for co-occurring conditions....because, if both are not recognized and treated...then, constant relapse is likely to occur.
I always wonder about this when I hear of someone who goes to many rehabs, but, relapses, time and time again......
I have observed this same thing in SOME alcoholics, myself......but, not all.
I'm talking about such a marked change...because, I think that everyone who enters alcohol into their blood can have some subtle mood changes, as they become relaxed and disinhibited, etc....
I have, also, seen this same effect with SOME who are smoking weed, also....
It is pretty much accepted that some people get on the road to alcoholism by using it to, in the beginning, as self medication for some condition....
It is my personal feeling that all persons who are evaluated for alcoholism should, also, be evaluated for co-occurring conditions....because, if both are not recognized and treated...then, constant relapse is likely to occur.
I always wonder about this when I hear of someone who goes to many rehabs, but, relapses, time and time again......
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Beachn and Dazed.....whenever I have seen someone who "flips the switch" toward that happy place SO Dramatically, I always wonder if there is a co-occurring disorder at play, also...…
I have observed this same thing in SOME alcoholics, myself......but, not all.
I'm talking about such a marked change...because, I think that everyone who enters alcohol into their blood can have some subtle mood changes, as they become relaxed and disinhibited, etc....
I have, also, seen this same effect with SOME who are smoking weed, also....
It is pretty much accepted that some people get on the road to alcoholism by using it to, in the beginning, as self medication for some condition....
It is my personal feeling that all persons who are evaluated for alcoholism should, also, be evaluated for co-occurring conditions....because, if both are not recognized and treated...then, constant relapse is likely to occur.
I always wonder about this when I hear of someone who goes to many rehabs, but, relapses, time and time again......
I have observed this same thing in SOME alcoholics, myself......but, not all.
I'm talking about such a marked change...because, I think that everyone who enters alcohol into their blood can have some subtle mood changes, as they become relaxed and disinhibited, etc....
I have, also, seen this same effect with SOME who are smoking weed, also....
It is pretty much accepted that some people get on the road to alcoholism by using it to, in the beginning, as self medication for some condition....
It is my personal feeling that all persons who are evaluated for alcoholism should, also, be evaluated for co-occurring conditions....because, if both are not recognized and treated...then, constant relapse is likely to occur.
I always wonder about this when I hear of someone who goes to many rehabs, but, relapses, time and time again......
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Persuant to my above comments about sharp personality changes with alcohol......my dear husband had a SIL who had a sour and unsavory personality, in general...and, whenever we had to go to their ouse for a family gathering, he would say, "I sure hope that she has had a couple of glasses of wine, before we get there..."
Same with one of my sisters....my husband hoped that she would have a drink or two, by the time we got there....
I had one sister who had sworn off of alcohol...nd, my husband said "She is one person who I think could benefit from drinking".....lol.....
When I think about all three of the above women, in whose presence, my dear husband did not thrive.....I think that they all existed in some sort of low depressive/negative state, most of the time....
Same with one of my sisters....my husband hoped that she would have a drink or two, by the time we got there....
I had one sister who had sworn off of alcohol...nd, my husband said "She is one person who I think could benefit from drinking".....lol.....
When I think about all three of the above women, in whose presence, my dear husband did not thrive.....I think that they all existed in some sort of low depressive/negative state, most of the time....
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[QUOTE=dandylion;7254565]Persuant to my above comments about sharp personality changes with alcohol......my dear husband had a SIL who had a sour and unsavory personality, in general...and, whenever we had to go to their ouse for a family gathering, he would say, "I sure hope that she has had a couple of glasses of wine, before we get there..."
Same with one of my sisters....my husband hoped that she would have a drink or two, by the time we got there....
I had one sister who had sworn off of alcohol...nd, my husband said "She is one person who I think could benefit from drinking".....lol.....
When I think about all three of the above women, in whose presence, my dear husband did not thrive.....I think that they all existed in some sort of low depressive/negative state, most of the time....[/QUOTE
interesting. AH too depressed and very negative. Every morning he would begin with bad news of some sort. I always prepared myself for morning bad news report whether real or embellished.
Same with one of my sisters....my husband hoped that she would have a drink or two, by the time we got there....
I had one sister who had sworn off of alcohol...nd, my husband said "She is one person who I think could benefit from drinking".....lol.....
When I think about all three of the above women, in whose presence, my dear husband did not thrive.....I think that they all existed in some sort of low depressive/negative state, most of the time....[/QUOTE
interesting. AH too depressed and very negative. Every morning he would begin with bad news of some sort. I always prepared myself for morning bad news report whether real or embellished.
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