This is weird
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
This is weird
when AH cam home from treatment he hugged me and said he was going to miss me. I didn’t hug him back. He asked if I was afraid of my feelings. I said I was. He then left without another word and hasn’t returned. It’s been 5 hours. I hope to god he’s not somewhere drinking himself to death. All his stuff is still here and his phone is off. Ugh.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by trailmix 
He did this the other day didn't he, said something then just left.
I remember you hoping he wasn't on his way out to drink?
I remember you hoping he wasn't on his way out to drink?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Yes, you are still sitting in that front seat in the roller coaster,
sometimes. At least now you can see it and get busy distracting
yourself, reading literature, going to meetings (yes!) talking to
sponsor. It's like our default mode and we have to stay aware
and take care
sometimes. At least now you can see it and get busy distracting
yourself, reading literature, going to meetings (yes!) talking to
sponsor. It's like our default mode and we have to stay aware
and take care
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Englewood
Posts: 76
Yep. Every time X gets ****** (usually aided by some kind of drug), I wind up getting wound up. I hope that I’m giving him a game face, and I wind up texting my support system wildly while they talk me down. It sucks the amount of energy I’m pouring into the futility. I know detaching is a skill that gets better with practice.
So, thanks for all the opportunities to strengthen my core, Qualifier!
So, thanks for all the opportunities to strengthen my core, Qualifier!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Dazed, I would not express any vunerabilities to him - like when
he asked if you were afraid of your feelings. It is not helpful to
you to share any of your weaknesses while you are going through
this- not with him- none!
he asked if you were afraid of your feelings. It is not helpful to
you to share any of your weaknesses while you are going through
this- not with him- none!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Im doing just that. He just said I have no choice but to leave. Cant get an apt if I dont have a job. He thought I would back down, but I just said, I understand, this disease is the worse. Silence on his end...
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I remember being invested in everything that my stepson did. Every day I was affected by what he said, what he did, wondering what he meant or what he was thinking. It had me on pins and needles all the time.
Frankly, none of it was any of my business. My stepsons recovery or lack thereof was all on him. All of my anxious hovering and wondering did me absolutely no good, and it certainly didn't make any difference in what *he* was doing.
My late husband and I finally gave up that front-row, hovering seat, and our lives became much better for it!
Frankly, none of it was any of my business. My stepsons recovery or lack thereof was all on him. All of my anxious hovering and wondering did me absolutely no good, and it certainly didn't make any difference in what *he* was doing.
My late husband and I finally gave up that front-row, hovering seat, and our lives became much better for it!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Seren
I remember being invested in everything that my stepson did. Every day I was affected by what he said, what he did, wondering what he meant or what he was thinking. It had me on pins and needles all the time.
Frankly, none of it was any of my business. My stepsons recovery or lack thereof was all on him. All of my anxious hovering and wondering did me absolutely no good, and it certainly didn't make any difference in what *he* was doing.
My late husband and I finally gave up that front-row, hovering seat, and our lives became much better for it!
Frankly, none of it was any of my business. My stepsons recovery or lack thereof was all on him. All of my anxious hovering and wondering did me absolutely no good, and it certainly didn't make any difference in what *he* was doing.
My late husband and I finally gave up that front-row, hovering seat, and our lives became much better for it!
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Are you hoping he'll recover and be the husband and man you thought you had married? I ask this because his constant questions may be because you are unconsciously sending him mixed signals about your future together.
In other words, if he did everything right from this moment on--went to meetings, saw a counselor, worked hard, contributed to the household, was open, honest, and humble about his recovery--would you trust him enough to stay married to him? Or, has all trust been broken at this point?
These are questions I had to answer for myself when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was important that I absolutely knew my own mind--which was a painful journey but well worth it in the end.
In other words, if he did everything right from this moment on--went to meetings, saw a counselor, worked hard, contributed to the household, was open, honest, and humble about his recovery--would you trust him enough to stay married to him? Or, has all trust been broken at this point?
These are questions I had to answer for myself when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was important that I absolutely knew my own mind--which was a painful journey but well worth it in the end.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Seren
Are you hoping he'll recover and be the husband and man you thought you had married? I ask this because his constant questions may be because you are unconsciously sending him mixed signals about your future together.
In other words, if he did everything right from this moment on--went to meetings, saw a counselor, worked hard, contributed to the household, was open, honest, and humble about his recovery--would you trust him enough to stay married to him? Or, has all trust been broken at this point?
These are questions I had to answer for myself when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was important that I absolutely knew my own mind--which was a painful journey but well worth it in the end.
In other words, if he did everything right from this moment on--went to meetings, saw a counselor, worked hard, contributed to the household, was open, honest, and humble about his recovery--would you trust him enough to stay married to him? Or, has all trust been broken at this point?
These are questions I had to answer for myself when my ex-husband cheated on me. It was important that I absolutely knew my own mind--which was a painful journey but well worth it in the end.
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