trailmix

My Mother did the same thing for us. In hindsight I'm absolutely sure she didn't want to hear our stories - but she listened.

She really hated him and wasn't afraid to say it. She never forgave him and I don't blame her. It didn't make her mean or bitter but she had no time or compassion for someone who abused her. I don't blame her at all.

dandylion

NewLife…...I suggest that you become aware of the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics".....
Your children qualify for membership...as well as anyone who has grown up in a dysfunctional family....and, yourself, if that applies. It is not just for children of alcoholics...but, anyone growing up in dysfunction.
You can check on the I nternet for meetings close to you. If there aren't any, you can check, online for interned forums.
You would, I believe, benefit enormously by reading their literature...and their "Big Book"....sort of like the big book for AA.
This valuable information can help you to know how to talk to your sons....as well as help you to understand the family dynamics that are at play as a result of living with your ex husband.
Knowledge is power.
Your sons could benefit from the meetings....or, even reading the material...it would probably open their eyes and validate their feelings like nothing else has. Now, I am realistic, and, I know that adult children will only do what they want to do...lol....But, at least, YOU could gain more understanding for yourself, and, indirectly, maybe, influence them....

You can get several books that are dedicated to "Adult Children of Alcoholics" on amazon.com. ….in the book section.....and, really cheap, if you will accept a used one....

Lol...I know that people, generally, dislike "suggestions"...but, what do you have to loose?

by the way, "Adult Children of Alcoholics is not in conflict with alanon or any counseling that you may get.....

dandylion

trailmix...I am curious...did you ever wish, even to yourself, that she didn't stay with him and keep you kids there?

trailmix

No. I'm actually glad she stayed, but only for one reason. I lived in a country in Asia most of the time I was growing up, including High School. When I was of kindergarten age, we lived in Australia.

If she had left him I wouldn't have had those experiences (all related to his work) and living in Asia, growing up, was amazing. So, it was worth it.

If that hadn't been the case my outlook on it might be different I imagine. Also his job took him away for usually 2 weeks at a time and he would come back for a week - so there were big breaks, thankfully.

Noodler

New life...so thankful for yr post and for the wisdom in all the replies. I can very much relate as my adult daughter has gone thru this lately with her daughter (my granddaughter) and her grandad my XAH) who she loves very much, it’s heartbreaking.
I have no advice...I’m a latecomer...and still learning avidly, but Wow, such affirmation of all our experiences being the same for Me. If I had any doubts......

thank u for sharing xxx