Alcoholic Husband Will Not Stop

Old 08-16-2019, 08:00 PM
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Alcoholic Husband Will Not Stop

My AH just finished rehab less than 2 weeks ago. He has been drinking our whole marriage (almost 11 years). He lies constantly and drinks in an isolated way straight from the vodka bottle. It got worse and worse and the last year and a half was a nightmare. He finally checked himself into a rehab. The 3 to 4 weeks he was there he was like a different person. The person i loved. He came home and started drinking again immediately behind my back. So disappointing. It is now worse than ever. He is drinking and lying. But the big thing is he has convinced his family that i am crazy and he is sober. Bank account transactions at the liquor store don’t lie! He blames me for everything and his mother told me it is all my fault. This is a woman with an alcoholic husband and two alcoholic sons. She told me her son is trying to get sober and i am “ridiculous” for questioning him. I realize it is time to go. But i am so sad. Because he is going to die. The dr told him a year and a half ago that if he doesn’t stop he will die. I go to al anon and it helps a lot. I understand I cannot control him. And i know i need to leave. I just can’t understand it. He sat there in rehab telling me he couldn’t wait to get home and start our new life together. That lasted a couple hours Just worried about him dying. Thanks for letting me vent. Any thoughts?
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:08 PM
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Hi Laur and welcome.

Have you read around the forums a bit? Probably the most important thing is learning as much as you can about alcoholism. Not for your Husband, for yourself, to help give you peace of mind.

It's hurtful, yes, that his family has been lied to and they believe him and blame you, but as with this whole thing, you have no control over him and certainly no control over them.

You say you know you need to leave, does that mean that is your plan? If so, have you actually got a plan?
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:20 PM
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So i have learned more about alcoholism than i ever expected. Been going to alanon for almost a year. And we also went to a couples in recovery group for a while which didn’t work well since he was still actively drinking.

Re my plan? I am very financially stable. I just need to find a new place and move. The big thing is that i need to get him to sign an agreement to each keep what we have. We have no joint property and no children together (he has 3). Just feeling really angry and having given him so much already praying he does not try to take more. And in spite of everything still heartbroken that it is like this - i loved him and he loved and still loves the bottle.
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Old 08-16-2019, 09:04 PM
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Sorry to hear of your situation Laura. Its hard to let go of someone you love, and of course it makes you sad, but after some time I hope you will become more detached and glad you made the right decision.
It's great that you have the ability to move and support yourself. Eventually he'll have no choice but to finalise things, whether he does it willingly or kicking and screaming.
All the best in moving forward. Its a pity he can't move with you, but you can't force the pace.
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Old 08-16-2019, 09:23 PM
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It's great you have been going to Al-Anon. It's not surprising you are angry, I mean you are grieving the end of this relationship or at the very least with you separating, a huge change.

Whether he comes back around to recovery is, of course, up to him.

All you can do is detach the best you can.

There is nothing good or right about it. Having an alcoholic partner is brutal in many cases, their addiction runs their lives and all you can do really is get out of the way or accept it (which is very hard to do).

I don't know if you have seen this post, but you might find it helpful. It's from the classic reading section of the stickies at the top of the forum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (Letting go of those not in recovery)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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Old 08-23-2019, 07:09 PM
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So here is the update - for the last 10 days AH will not speak to me. Will not even answer a generic question. Is telling everyone he knows how great he is doing. Lying to his sponsor i assume. No idea if he is going to meetings or anything else except that i know he has purchased 10 bottles in as many days. It is so sad. Just focusing on me and getting out of this and moving forward.
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