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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
It's going to be like this as long as you are living together, DC. Anything you can do to hasten the physical separation?
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Believe it. He shows you his truth everyday. Once you accept that this is how he sees things, you will stop being blind-sided.
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Actually it’s already ugly. It’s hard to see when you are in the middle of it but what you describe dealing with everyday is miserable-making.
Have a plan for when it is time for him to go. Have real life support in place.
Have a plan for when it is time for him to go. Have real life support in place.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Actually it’s already ugly. It’s hard to see when you are in the middle of it but what you describe dealing with everyday is miserable-making.
Have a plan for when it is time for him to go. Have real life support in place.
Have a plan for when it is time for him to go. Have real life support in place.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Again (and I think this bears repeating), you have been living in this dysfunction so long, sometimes it's hard to see how dysfunctional.
In a "normal" relationship, when a man is trying to have his wife/SO reconcile, he doesn't dance with her, when it may or may not be unwanted and start talking about how the relationship should continue and how the wife is throwing him away like trash.
This is serious stuff. Dancing in the kitchen is fun! this is not fun, this is not romantic, this is dysfunctional thinking.
In a "normal" relationship, when a man is trying to have his wife/SO reconcile, he doesn't dance with her, when it may or may not be unwanted and start talking about how the relationship should continue and how the wife is throwing him away like trash.
This is serious stuff. Dancing in the kitchen is fun! this is not fun, this is not romantic, this is dysfunctional thinking.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Again (and I think this bears repeating), you have been living in this dysfunction so long, sometimes it's hard to see how dysfunctional.
In a "normal" relationship, when a man is trying to have his wife/SO reconcile, he doesn't dance with her, when it may or may not be unwanted and start talking about how the relationship should continue and how the wife is throwing him away like trash.
This is serious stuff. Dancing in the kitchen is fun! this is not fun, this is not romantic, this is dysfunctional thinking.
In a "normal" relationship, when a man is trying to have his wife/SO reconcile, he doesn't dance with her, when it may or may not be unwanted and start talking about how the relationship should continue and how the wife is throwing him away like trash.
This is serious stuff. Dancing in the kitchen is fun! this is not fun, this is not romantic, this is dysfunctional thinking.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
So how big of teeth does this deadline have?
Is it official eviction notice where law enforcement can back you up?
Is it official eviction notice where law enforcement can back you up?
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So what are you saying, you weren't perfect!?!? You lived with an alcoholic for 20 years and you were mean sometimes.
Geez Dazed!
Yes, I hope you do turn this thinking around.
None of us is perfect. All of us hurt people sometimes, by mistake, in the course of an argument, when we are on our last straw of patience for the day. That's life. Then we apologize and move along.
Does the guy who stormed out blaming you for the end of the marriage look like he is all wrapped up in remorse? Feeling bad? No, you didn't react as he wanted you to so he stormed out.
Geez Dazed!
Yes, I hope you do turn this thinking around.
None of us is perfect. All of us hurt people sometimes, by mistake, in the course of an argument, when we are on our last straw of patience for the day. That's life. Then we apologize and move along.
Does the guy who stormed out blaming you for the end of the marriage look like he is all wrapped up in remorse? Feeling bad? No, you didn't react as he wanted you to so he stormed out.
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What I see is a desperate addict seeing his comfy situation slipping away applying good cop bad cop tactics to upset your equilibrium so he can get past your boundary and stay.
Simple as that really.
Show him chinks in the armor and he’ll just double-down on the pressure.
I think telling him you want him out early may be in order at this point.
Check costs of residential hotels and offer to pay two weeks but remember he has to use his own credit card in case he lapses.
Simple as that really.
Show him chinks in the armor and he’ll just double-down on the pressure.
I think telling him you want him out early may be in order at this point.
Check costs of residential hotels and offer to pay two weeks but remember he has to use his own credit card in case he lapses.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
So what are you saying, you weren't perfect!?!? You lived with an alcoholic for 20 years and you were mean sometimes.
Geez Dazed!
Yes, I hope you do turn this thinking around.
None of us is perfect. All of us hurt people sometimes, by mistake, in the course of an argument, when we are on our last straw of patience for the day. That's life. Then we apologize and move along.
Does the guy who stormed out blaming you for the end of the marriage look like he is all wrapped up in remorse? Feeling bad? No, you didn't react as he wanted you to so he stormed out.
Geez Dazed!
Yes, I hope you do turn this thinking around.
None of us is perfect. All of us hurt people sometimes, by mistake, in the course of an argument, when we are on our last straw of patience for the day. That's life. Then we apologize and move along.
Does the guy who stormed out blaming you for the end of the marriage look like he is all wrapped up in remorse? Feeling bad? No, you didn't react as he wanted you to so he stormed out.
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It occurs to me that maybe what happened here was he felt guilt when I explained why I couldn’t stay. How he had put everything at risk ...so what better way to get rid of that guilt than by accusing me of throwing him out like trash. Giving me HIS guilt. I may be entirely wrong but that’s how I see it.
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I don't suppose he has done anything to secure living quarters, has he? He has been busy trying to convince you to give him another chance..so sure it would work that he hasn't seen the need to make other living arrangements.
That is why he is angry. He sees his little plan isn't working and you aren't backing down. Now things are beginning to look real. He doesn't like that. Chances are pretty good that he's going to put up a fight. Get ready.
That is why he is angry. He sees his little plan isn't working and you aren't backing down. Now things are beginning to look real. He doesn't like that. Chances are pretty good that he's going to put up a fight. Get ready.
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It's hard to know where he is at. He was a drinker for many, many years. How that has affected him no one really knows.
What his personality defects are or his go-to defenses are, no one really knows.
All you can do is stay on your sane side of the street. These types of things need to be dismissed and focusing on yourself is part of that.
"Ok this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it"
"What, she didn't go along with that"
WELL ***** you!
These are not the actions of a person that is capable of being in a relationship.
Have you asked him to leave lately?
What his personality defects are or his go-to defenses are, no one really knows.
All you can do is stay on your sane side of the street. These types of things need to be dismissed and focusing on yourself is part of that.
"Ok this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it"
"What, she didn't go along with that"
WELL ***** you!
These are not the actions of a person that is capable of being in a relationship.
Have you asked him to leave lately?
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Location: W Washington
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yeah, say that NO word to an addict and watch 'em blow!
remember D&C, he says something different every 3 hours or so. a couple days ago you said he was packing in earnest, happy as a lark. same guy who said it was good that the papers had been changed and are ready to sign. same guy who tossed out some AA speak. same guy who just got all pouty.
we are allowed to end a relationship or a marriage at any time we want. for whatever reasons make sense to US. however the person we are splitting from is allowed to react and respond as best makes sense to them. they don't have to play fair. they don't have to concede gracefully. it's be nice, but not always how it works.
remember D&C, he says something different every 3 hours or so. a couple days ago you said he was packing in earnest, happy as a lark. same guy who said it was good that the papers had been changed and are ready to sign. same guy who tossed out some AA speak. same guy who just got all pouty.
we are allowed to end a relationship or a marriage at any time we want. for whatever reasons make sense to US. however the person we are splitting from is allowed to react and respond as best makes sense to them. they don't have to play fair. they don't have to concede gracefully. it's be nice, but not always how it works.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
It's hard to know where he is at. He was a drinker for many, many years. How that has affected him no one really knows.
What his personality defects are or his go-to defenses are, no one really knows.
All you can do is stay on your sane side of the street. These types of things need to be dismissed and focusing on yourself is part of that.
"Ok this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it"
"What, she didn't go along with that"
WELL ***** you!
These are not the actions of a person that is capable of being in a relationship.
Have you asked him to leave lately?
What his personality defects are or his go-to defenses are, no one really knows.
All you can do is stay on your sane side of the street. These types of things need to be dismissed and focusing on yourself is part of that.
"Ok this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it"
"What, she didn't go along with that"
WELL ***** you!
These are not the actions of a person that is capable of being in a relationship.
Have you asked him to leave lately?
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