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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus 
I’m the one kicking him out and I feel rejected. How sick is that??
There is a good country song in this somewhere Dazed.
One of my issues is expecting others to react as I do
Unless you want to translate each reaction, emotion, action or inaction, you carry on as normal and they are kind of functioning and it's been 20 years, I mean you have your life to live, you can't micro-manage all this thoughts. Plus, alcoholism is progressive, it is ever-changing, his thinking now is not what it was 10 years ago when he was more reliable?
So, yeah, as I mentioned before, he is not stupid, he has seen the writing on the wall. How long will she put up with this?
As for his "recovery" well you aren't going to be there looking out for him are you? Rather than think this is about you, it's probably more about him and this is a wake up call. Now whether that sticks or not remains to be seen, 6 weeks ago his life was all about police and ambulances etc etc.
As much as he was probably anticipating this, it's a shock, so he needs something to cling to and in this case it's AA.
When I divorced my first Husband he went back to the church he hated.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
I wouldn't say it's "sick", it seems kind of normal to me. You throw down the divorce and he goes - meh, that's why I bought my truck.
There is a good country song in this somewhere Dazed.
This right here and really, haven't you done that all along? For right or wrong, doesn't matter, it's REALLY hard, unless you are a mind-reader, to understand alcoholic thinking (I think).
Unless you want to translate each reaction, emotion, action or inaction, you carry on as normal and they are kind of functioning and it's been 20 years, I mean you have your life to live, you can't micro-manage all this thoughts. Plus, alcoholism is progressive, it is ever-changing, his thinking now is not what it was 10 years ago when he was more reliable?
So, yeah, as I mentioned before, he is not stupid, he has seen the writing on the wall. How long will she put up with this?
As for his "recovery" well you aren't going to be there looking out for him are you? Rather than think this is about you, it's probably more about him and this is a wake up call. Now whether that sticks or not remains to be seen, 6 weeks ago his life was all about police and ambulances etc etc.
As much as he was probably anticipating this, it's a shock, so he needs something to cling to and in this case it's AA.
When I divorced my first Husband he went back to the church he hated.
There is a good country song in this somewhere Dazed.
This right here and really, haven't you done that all along? For right or wrong, doesn't matter, it's REALLY hard, unless you are a mind-reader, to understand alcoholic thinking (I think).
Unless you want to translate each reaction, emotion, action or inaction, you carry on as normal and they are kind of functioning and it's been 20 years, I mean you have your life to live, you can't micro-manage all this thoughts. Plus, alcoholism is progressive, it is ever-changing, his thinking now is not what it was 10 years ago when he was more reliable?
So, yeah, as I mentioned before, he is not stupid, he has seen the writing on the wall. How long will she put up with this?
As for his "recovery" well you aren't going to be there looking out for him are you? Rather than think this is about you, it's probably more about him and this is a wake up call. Now whether that sticks or not remains to be seen, 6 weeks ago his life was all about police and ambulances etc etc.
As much as he was probably anticipating this, it's a shock, so he needs something to cling to and in this case it's AA.
When I divorced my first Husband he went back to the church he hated.
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Ah wanted changes in papers. The changes were made and when I told him they are ready he says “I’m glad”. Sheesh. I think I need to stop blaming a clown for being a clown and ask myself why I keep going to the circus!
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
Ah wanted changes in papers. The changes were made and when I told him they are ready he says “I’m glad”. Sheesh. I think I need to stop blaming a clown for being a clown and ask myself why I keep going to the circus!
People you know that are consistent in their reactions. Now, that doesn't mean we are all predictable and boring, it does mean if you call your friend and ask something or tell them something, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.
If you said, for instance, I can't go to the movie with you tonight, I am too tired, depending on the friend they might be put-out, happily understanding - whatever.
What doesn't happen is you say that and they start crying or berating you for being a poor friend when they really wanted to see that movie! Or just go - meh, that's good.
Your soon to be ex is so unpredictable at this point and that makes it extra hard for you. Not that alcoholics are known for being salt of the earth reliable lol - but this everchanging landscape is just annoying isn't it??
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Originally Posted by trailmix
You know, one great thing about being around people who are not in the throes of addiction or whatever, is consistency.
People you know that are consistent in their reactions. Now, that doesn't mean we are all predictable and boring, it does mean if you call your friend and ask something or tell them something, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.
If you said, for instance, I can't go to the movie with you tonight, I am too tired, depending on the friend they might be put-out, happily understanding - whatever.
What doesn't happen is you say that and they start crying or berating you for being a poor friend when they really wanted to see that movie! Or just go - meh, that's good.
Your soon to be ex is so unpredictable at this point and that makes it extra hard for you. Not that alcoholics are known for being salt of the earth reliable lol - but this everchanging landscape is just annoying isn't it??
People you know that are consistent in their reactions. Now, that doesn't mean we are all predictable and boring, it does mean if you call your friend and ask something or tell them something, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.
If you said, for instance, I can't go to the movie with you tonight, I am too tired, depending on the friend they might be put-out, happily understanding - whatever.
What doesn't happen is you say that and they start crying or berating you for being a poor friend when they really wanted to see that movie! Or just go - meh, that's good.
Your soon to be ex is so unpredictable at this point and that makes it extra hard for you. Not that alcoholics are known for being salt of the earth reliable lol - but this everchanging landscape is just annoying isn't it??
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
yes, especially since he came into the room yesterday upon return from treatment held me tight and said I love you, I will always love you...🤪🤪🤪. I just don’t understand!!!
He has been demonstrably All Over the Place for weeks now. It's not going to change any time soon.
If you focus on acceptance rather than understanding, you might be able to find peace within yourself.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Maybe look at your expectation that it is somehow possible to understand a person whose life is inside out right now because of his addiction and the consequences thereof.
He has been demonstrably All Over the Place for weeks now. It's not going to change any time soon.
If you focus on acceptance rather than understanding, you might be able to find peace within yourself.
He has been demonstrably All Over the Place for weeks now. It's not going to change any time soon.
If you focus on acceptance rather than understanding, you might be able to find peace within yourself.
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Dazed....if you wait until you completely Understand all of this,,,,and try to understand and mind read an alcoholics mind......you will need to get to that olive tree with a walker and orthopedic shoes.....
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i imagine if one were to ask him, you aren't behaving "normally" either.
that is why it is so critical that you stay out of each other's way as much as possible. go to your corners, go to your rooms. not watch each other like lab rats in a maze...........
less him.
more you.
that is why it is so critical that you stay out of each other's way as much as possible. go to your corners, go to your rooms. not watch each other like lab rats in a maze...........
less him.
more you.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed....if you wait until you completely Understand all of this,,,,and try to understand and mind read an alcoholics mind......you will need to get to that olive tree with a walker and orthopedic shoes.....
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
i imagine if one were to ask him, you aren't behaving "normally" either.
that is why it is so critical that you stay out of each other's way as much as possible. go to your corners, go to your rooms. not watch each other like lab rats in a maze...........
less him.
more you.
that is why it is so critical that you stay out of each other's way as much as possible. go to your corners, go to your rooms. not watch each other like lab rats in a maze...........
less him.
more you.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Hey DC, what's happening in your lane these days?
Hope you are detached, well, and happy
Hope you are detached, well, and happy
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Work on this one--it sounds promising
– Grazie tesoro mio, la collana è bellissima! Sei così premuroso/a.
– Thank you my treasure, the necklace is beautiful! You’re so thoughtful.
– Grazie tesoro mio, la collana è bellissima! Sei così premuroso/a.
– Thank you my treasure, the necklace is beautiful! You’re so thoughtful.
hello Marcelo it’s nice to meet you! 😈
Buorgiorno Marcelo piacere di Fare la sua conoscenza. Lol.
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only fluent in pasta and cannoli, I'm afraid.
Actually, my Latin was most useful when I was in Italy since Italian is pretty much a dialect derived from Latin. I got by--poorly, but managed. No Marcelo for me, unfortunately. . . pillow talk is the fastest way to learn they say.
Actually, my Latin was most useful when I was in Italy since Italian is pretty much a dialect derived from Latin. I got by--poorly, but managed. No Marcelo for me, unfortunately. . . pillow talk is the fastest way to learn they say.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
only fluent in pasta and cannoli, I'm afraid.
Actually, my Latin was most useful when I was in Italy since Italian is pretty much a dialect derived from Latin. I got by--poorly, but managed. No Marcelo for me, unfortunately. . . pillow talk is the fastest way to learn they say.
Actually, my Latin was most useful when I was in Italy since Italian is pretty much a dialect derived from Latin. I got by--poorly, but managed. No Marcelo for me, unfortunately. . . pillow talk is the fastest way to learn they say.
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Oh my god. AH tried to dance with me this morning g. He says this is love and people can change. I explain once again, I cannot live like this. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, he says he can change. I say it could take years. He says isn’t it worth years? I say perhaps but not together....I explain his choices put everything at risk. So now, he says I’m throwing him out like trash, now I’m discarding him, now I’m the bad guy again then he storms out again..I was minding my own business in my own corner just listening to music and making breakfast!
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