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What hurts is he just doesn’t care. He came in during my wallowing yesterday and said “ I know so many emotions it’s sad. And then tried to hug me. Ugh. Then on his merry way. Im hurting still and he’s happy as a clam. Maybe it WAS my fault.
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So it was your fault when you were in the throes of his addiction, in and out of hospitals, police, he was a holy terror. There is no possible way that was your fault my friend. You know this.
Huge hugs.
Huge hugs.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
So it was your fault when you were in the throes of his addiction, in and out of hospitals, police, he was a holy terror. There is no possible way that was your fault my friend. You know this.
Huge hugs.
Huge hugs.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
It's not sick friend. It's what you have wanted for a long time, yet now too little too late. Just keep in mind, this is very SHORT term, and recovery is a long path to follow.
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That's the way! It's extra hard for you since you are still right there with him. It would be hard to take the focus off a situation that is in your own home all the time. However, you have been doing just that. You should expect yourself to grieve your marriage, but it does pass, I promise.
Go do kind things for yourself today friend!
Go do kind things for yourself today friend!
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
That's the way! It's extra hard for you since you are still right there with him. It would be hard to take the focus off a situation that is in your own home all the time. However, you have been doing just that. You should expect yourself to grieve your marriage, but it does pass, I promise.
Go do kind things for yourself today friend!
Go do kind things for yourself today friend!
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
He has admitted ...
He is understanding ....
He used to.....
He is trying to ......
he is trying to .....
his entire life is .....
he is keeping ......
he returns ......
he should be .....
He is understanding ....
He used to.....
He is trying to ......
he is trying to .....
his entire life is .....
he is keeping ......
he returns ......
he should be .....
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
he just doesn’t...
He came in....
he’s happy....
He came in....
he’s happy....
What are you focusing on?
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Dazed.....I will ask you to forgive my curiosity....as I follow your thread...I am wondering this: He has indicated that he doesn't want the divorce, and he is avoiding it in several ways...and, he doesn't want to leave....
What do you want his grieving to look like? What would his grieving "say" to you, that he hasn't already communicated?
(yes, I know, you wanted him to quit drinking and change a whole bundh of things about himself.....I'm not talking about that)…..
What do you want his grieving to look like? What would his grieving "say" to you, that he hasn't already communicated?
(yes, I know, you wanted him to quit drinking and change a whole bundh of things about himself.....I'm not talking about that)…..
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed.....I will ask you to forgive my curiosity....as I follow your thread...I am wondering this: He has indicated that he doesn't want the divorce, and he is avoiding it in several ways...and, he doesn't want to leave....
What do you want his grieving to look like? What would his grieving "say" to you, that he hasn't already communicated?
(yes, I know, you wanted him to quit drinking and change a whole bundh of things about himself.....I'm not talking about that)…..
What do you want his grieving to look like? What would his grieving "say" to you, that he hasn't already communicated?
(yes, I know, you wanted him to quit drinking and change a whole bundh of things about himself.....I'm not talking about that)…..
https://youtu.be/WaSy8yy-mr8
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Dazed.....Gotcha. Your marriage has come as far as it can....and, you are, naturally grieving it's loss....All of the grotesquely painful swirl of emotions that grieving entails.
.He is not who you wanted him to be, and, he is not behaving the way you want/need him to. I suspect that he wouldn't be all Alan Alda, even if he never drank....
Accepting the reality of all of this is probably one of the hardest things you have ever faced....and, grief will have it's own way. The shortest way to get around it is to go through it....which you will do...one way or another.
Grieving is the first step (gruesome) of healing...…
***If you were to unscrew the top of his head and look in....you would probably be apalled at what you would find, in there....his suffering isn't over, no matter what you think....
You might not actually be a mind reader...lol.....
.He is not who you wanted him to be, and, he is not behaving the way you want/need him to. I suspect that he wouldn't be all Alan Alda, even if he never drank....
Accepting the reality of all of this is probably one of the hardest things you have ever faced....and, grief will have it's own way. The shortest way to get around it is to go through it....which you will do...one way or another.
Grieving is the first step (gruesome) of healing...…
***If you were to unscrew the top of his head and look in....you would probably be apalled at what you would find, in there....his suffering isn't over, no matter what you think....
You might not actually be a mind reader...lol.....
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed.....Gotcha. Your marriage has come as far as it can....and, you are, naturally grieving it's loss....All of the grotesquely painful swirl of emotions that grieving entails.
.He is not who you wanted him to be, and, he is not behaving the way you want/need him to. I suspect that he wouldn't be all Alan Alda, even if he never drank....
Accepting the reality of all of this is probably one of the hardest things you have ever faced....and, grief will have it's own way. The shortest way to get around it is to go through it....which you will do...one way or another.
Grieving is the first step (gruesome) of healing...…
***If you were to unscrew the top of his head and look in....you would probably be apalled at what you would find, in there....his suffering isn't over, no matter what you think....
You might not actually be a mind reader...lol.....
.He is not who you wanted him to be, and, he is not behaving the way you want/need him to. I suspect that he wouldn't be all Alan Alda, even if he never drank....
Accepting the reality of all of this is probably one of the hardest things you have ever faced....and, grief will have it's own way. The shortest way to get around it is to go through it....which you will do...one way or another.
Grieving is the first step (gruesome) of healing...…
***If you were to unscrew the top of his head and look in....you would probably be apalled at what you would find, in there....his suffering isn't over, no matter what you think....
You might not actually be a mind reader...lol.....
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I want to hear him have REMORSE for what he put me thru
whoa now. unless you were in restraints with a gun to your head, he didn't PUT YOU through anything. that sounds very victim-y. you were a willing participant, were you not? yes his drinking did get way out of hand, with lots of drama and stress, but he didn't to that TO you or even AT you.
you told him you wanted a divorce. you are the one that filed the paperwork. you are the one that made changes to the paperwork and returned it to the attorney.
but now you don't like how he is behaving about it. you want to micro-manage how he responds so that you feel better. it doesn't work that way. if playing the divorce card was really an attempt to manipulate him to change and you don't really want to divorce, then drop it. your choice. but if you are going to proceed, then you really need to stay in your lane and let him do him.
whoa now. unless you were in restraints with a gun to your head, he didn't PUT YOU through anything. that sounds very victim-y. you were a willing participant, were you not? yes his drinking did get way out of hand, with lots of drama and stress, but he didn't to that TO you or even AT you.
you told him you wanted a divorce. you are the one that filed the paperwork. you are the one that made changes to the paperwork and returned it to the attorney.
but now you don't like how he is behaving about it. you want to micro-manage how he responds so that you feel better. it doesn't work that way. if playing the divorce card was really an attempt to manipulate him to change and you don't really want to divorce, then drop it. your choice. but if you are going to proceed, then you really need to stay in your lane and let him do him.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I want to hear him have REMORSE for what he put me thru
whoa now. unless you were in restraints with a gun to your head, he didn't PUT YOU through anything. that sounds very victim-y. you were a willing participant, were you not? yes his drinking did get way out of hand, with lots of drama and stress, but he didn't to that TO you or even AT you.
you told him you wanted a divorce. you are the one that filed the paperwork. you are the one that made changes to the paperwork and returned it to the attorney.
but now you don't like how he is behaving about it. you want to micro-manage how he responds so that you feel better. it doesn't work that way. if playing the divorce card was really an attempt to manipulate him to change and you don't really want to divorce, then drop it. your choice. but if you are going to proceed, then you really need to stay in your lane and let him do him.
whoa now. unless you were in restraints with a gun to your head, he didn't PUT YOU through anything. that sounds very victim-y. you were a willing participant, were you not? yes his drinking did get way out of hand, with lots of drama and stress, but he didn't to that TO you or even AT you.
you told him you wanted a divorce. you are the one that filed the paperwork. you are the one that made changes to the paperwork and returned it to the attorney.
but now you don't like how he is behaving about it. you want to micro-manage how he responds so that you feel better. it doesn't work that way. if playing the divorce card was really an attempt to manipulate him to change and you don't really want to divorce, then drop it. your choice. but if you are going to proceed, then you really need to stay in your lane and let him do him.
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Dazed.....the Carrie Underwood song is delightfully revengeful!! I love it.
However, if you would like to do some Big League wallowing.....the next song is one of my favorites.....
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
However, if you would like to do some Big League wallowing.....the next song is one of my favorites.....
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed.....the Carrie Underwood song is delightfully revengeful!! I love it.
However, if you would like to do some Big League wallowing.....the next song is one of my favorites.....
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
However, if you would like to do some Big League wallowing.....the next song is one of my favorites.....
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
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Dazed.....here is another Ronnie Milsap that is uber wallow worthy!
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
***Please note correction...
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
***Please note correction...
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed.....here is another Ronnie Milsap that is uber wallow worthy!
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
***Please note correction...
https://www.bing.com/search?q=youtub...A&pc=EUPP_UE04
***Please note correction...
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