39 days!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
39 days!!!
*Mushy Warning*
It's been 39 days booze free today. D only suggested drinking once in the first week but soon changed his mind for a cup of tea. He went to sign on to a new doctors and they asked him how much he drinks, he said he hasn't had a drink in 6 weeks so SHE wrote down t-total, it was the first thing he told me when he got back that SHE wrote him down as t-total. I think it must have felt a bit like someone saying - 'you've done it, you're t-total'.
We talked about it last night, he still wants a beer with his father but has said if he starts drinking again after that he'll stop with no exceptions. He's earned a great deal of trust from me with that because he stopped this time long before it became a problem and for the last 6 years has been getting better and better. He's said it's much easier for him to stop than try to drink a little, or keep it to just a day or two a week (no surprises there!!).
We talked about the years we lost touch - I told him how lonely I'd been and I thanked him for getting well and coming to look for me. He hadn't come to find a wife, he thought I'd be married. He looked for me to let me know he was ok and to say sorry, now it just feels like he came home. He said he'd needed the years to straighten himself out without dragging me down, for me that was never the case. He was a kind and very gentle drunk and he never dragged me down - BUT him stopping has given us our tomorrows, taken away my fear he'd just be dead one morning. I loved him drunk too, I loved HIM but the drinking was so frightening and his self hatred that went with it just made it so painful to watch. I could never get my mind round how the world could afford to lose such a gentle and fascinating person, and THEN it certainly looked like he would be lost.
Over the last six weeks I've seen the resolve that dug him out of that pit. He's not once complained, although I know sometimes it's been hard. His mother describes him as vulnerable and in some ways he is, but I'm watching a core of steel strength that runs right through him and that I can't come close to.
Last night when we chatted, it sunk in - we have our tomorrows, my D came home. I feel so lucky and so much in love with my iron strong vulnerable man.
OK sorry to those of you who've just puked on your keyboard!!!
It's been 39 days booze free today. D only suggested drinking once in the first week but soon changed his mind for a cup of tea. He went to sign on to a new doctors and they asked him how much he drinks, he said he hasn't had a drink in 6 weeks so SHE wrote down t-total, it was the first thing he told me when he got back that SHE wrote him down as t-total. I think it must have felt a bit like someone saying - 'you've done it, you're t-total'.
We talked about it last night, he still wants a beer with his father but has said if he starts drinking again after that he'll stop with no exceptions. He's earned a great deal of trust from me with that because he stopped this time long before it became a problem and for the last 6 years has been getting better and better. He's said it's much easier for him to stop than try to drink a little, or keep it to just a day or two a week (no surprises there!!).
We talked about the years we lost touch - I told him how lonely I'd been and I thanked him for getting well and coming to look for me. He hadn't come to find a wife, he thought I'd be married. He looked for me to let me know he was ok and to say sorry, now it just feels like he came home. He said he'd needed the years to straighten himself out without dragging me down, for me that was never the case. He was a kind and very gentle drunk and he never dragged me down - BUT him stopping has given us our tomorrows, taken away my fear he'd just be dead one morning. I loved him drunk too, I loved HIM but the drinking was so frightening and his self hatred that went with it just made it so painful to watch. I could never get my mind round how the world could afford to lose such a gentle and fascinating person, and THEN it certainly looked like he would be lost.
Over the last six weeks I've seen the resolve that dug him out of that pit. He's not once complained, although I know sometimes it's been hard. His mother describes him as vulnerable and in some ways he is, but I'm watching a core of steel strength that runs right through him and that I can't come close to.
Last night when we chatted, it sunk in - we have our tomorrows, my D came home. I feel so lucky and so much in love with my iron strong vulnerable man.
OK sorry to those of you who've just puked on your keyboard!!!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I am happy for you equus. At the core of all of us is the desire to have a happy relationship with the person we love. Learning to see the good in the person despite their weaknesses is a a gift that you have. It can pull us through some tough times and help us to rejoice in the good. Hugs, Magic
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 184
Sorry doesn't make my keyboard any less sticky and gross equus...lol Actually I'm really happy for you and I must say it's nice to read some of the pukey love stuff from a real life not just a fairy tale.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Thanks Magic and sweeks - I'm glad it didn't churn your stomachs tooooo much!!
After 9 years of being alone, after coming to the conclusion that's how it would stay, it still feels a little fairy tale like to me. I didn't wait for him, I never thought I'd see him again, but very time I went to date another fella I felt like a 12 yr old opening a christmas present they DON'T want, just frustrated and so disappointed I'd want to cry. In all those years I never got passed a single date, there was no way I could be with anyone else. My friends dispaired, argued with me to 'give them a chance', 'go out to meet more men', 'what the hell are you looking for?' etc etc, but I didn't want anyone - even if they would have 'been ok' I just wanted to get them out my hair. (I might have seen good in them but I definately didn't want them!!).
I married him while he was still drinking but not getting drunk, when I didn't know if it would come back as bad as it had been. It was still the easiest decision I've ever made and to get a more secure future on top of that IS a bloody fairy tale!! That's why I feel so bloody lucky - how can anyone be this lucky?
After 9 years of being alone, after coming to the conclusion that's how it would stay, it still feels a little fairy tale like to me. I didn't wait for him, I never thought I'd see him again, but very time I went to date another fella I felt like a 12 yr old opening a christmas present they DON'T want, just frustrated and so disappointed I'd want to cry. In all those years I never got passed a single date, there was no way I could be with anyone else. My friends dispaired, argued with me to 'give them a chance', 'go out to meet more men', 'what the hell are you looking for?' etc etc, but I didn't want anyone - even if they would have 'been ok' I just wanted to get them out my hair. (I might have seen good in them but I definately didn't want them!!).
I married him while he was still drinking but not getting drunk, when I didn't know if it would come back as bad as it had been. It was still the easiest decision I've ever made and to get a more secure future on top of that IS a bloody fairy tale!! That's why I feel so bloody lucky - how can anyone be this lucky?
I am so happy for you:
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