Hi my name is d&c and I’m a Codie
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So lets see if I understand this Your AH yesterday went from being an abusive A**hat in the morning to later texting you the holy grail of recovery?
Maybe he was struck by lightning on his way to the meeting?
Maybe he was struck by lightning on his way to the meeting?
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Originally Posted by HardLessons 
So lets see if I understand this Your AH yesterday went from being an abusive A**hat in the morning to later texting you the holy grail of recovery?
Maybe he was struck by lightning on his way to the meeting?
Maybe he was struck by lightning on his way to the meeting?
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One thing I don’t understand about AH is his propensity to live in the past. As long as I’ve known him he consistently relives his past. He watches cartoons and shows from his past, he tells the same stories about his past over and over, he reminisces ALL the time, this morning he is taking about high school year books and wanting to replace his and see mine. I understand an occasional trip down memory lane but this is something that he does constantly. Comfort in the known?
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many people, drunks or not, like to relive their perceived "glory days". this is especially "helpful" to the ego if the present days ain't all that. also if you are living in the past, you definitely are NOT living in the present. it's a form of denial, avoidance, self soothing.
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My mother was like that too. The good old days and all that. I have theories about why she was like this, but I stopped trying to understand her a long time ago in favor of understanding myself. How did it make me feel when she reminisced like that? Was that someone I wanted to be around?
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It is bothersome to me at times. This was something that caused me distress. Why weren’t we talking about the future? Our future? Making plans? Setting goals? When I tried to do those things his answer was usually do we have to do that right now? It was always wait.....I don’t know what he was waiting for...
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
many people, drunks or not, like to relive their perceived "glory days". this is especially "helpful" to the ego of the present days ain't all that. also if you are living in the past, you definitely are NOT living in the present. it's a form of denial, avoidance, self soothing.
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
It is bothersome to me at times. This was something that caused me distress. Why weren’t we talking about the future? Our future? Making plans? Setting goals? When I tried to do those things his answer was usually do we have to do that right now? It was always wait.....I don’t know what he was waiting for...
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
It is bothersome to me at times. This was something that caused me distress. Why weren’t we talking about the future? Our future? Making plans? Setting goals? When I tried to do those things his answer was usually do we have to do that right now? It was always wait.....I don’t know what he was waiting for...
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
This is good information for you to have about yourself. I don't know what he was waiting for either, but you know, not everyone is geared towards looking to the future and making plans. Now you know that that's something you really want in a relationship, and if someone doesn't have that, then maybe you're just incompatible. It's not a character flaw, not something you have to change about someone it's just...not what you're looking for, and you can move on. And that's okay.
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making plans requires thought and commitment. pffft. way to wreck a good high!
it was a very strong indicator that you each had completely different viewpoints, outlooks and goals. as sparklekitty said, that is not so much a character flaw in either party as it is a sign of incompatibility. which brings you to today as your paths truly begin to diverge and go their ways.
it was a very strong indicator that you each had completely different viewpoints, outlooks and goals. as sparklekitty said, that is not so much a character flaw in either party as it is a sign of incompatibility. which brings you to today as your paths truly begin to diverge and go their ways.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
making plans requires thought and commitment. pffft. way to wreck a good high!
it was a very strong indicator that you each had completely different viewpoints, outlooks and goals. as sparklekitty said, that is not so much a character flaw in either party as it is a sign of incompatibility. which brings you to today as your paths truly begin to diverge and go their ways.
it was a very strong indicator that you each had completely different viewpoints, outlooks and goals. as sparklekitty said, that is not so much a character flaw in either party as it is a sign of incompatibility. which brings you to today as your paths truly begin to diverge and go their ways.
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
yes. It just seems a natural thing a couple would do to my mind...thank you
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Originally Posted by FallenAngelina
I'm a fairy normal person and I'm not into that whole "making plans" thing unless it's travel or something requiring plans. Good point from SparkleKitty that if this is important quality in a person, to know about it and have a compatible partner.
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One of the main differences between my AXH and I was what we wanted to spend money on. It wasn't a big deal when we were starting out but it was HUGE by the time we split...
He wanted THINGS... tangible things he could hold, see, use etc.
I wanted EXPERIENCES...travel, adventure,exploration, education etc.
Neither of us was WRONG.. just fundamentally different in what kinds of things were important to each of us in this life.
It's an important thing to be aware of, I wish I had been as a younger woman. It's wisdom I have talked to my kids about as they are of an age to be partnering up. (My daughter and her BF of 3.5yrs recently split because of similar differences. At least they figured it out before marriage and kids...)
Happy to report my "new" husband and I share a healthy combination of wants, desires and compromises for life moving forward, and is a nice mix of things and experiences.
He wanted THINGS... tangible things he could hold, see, use etc.
I wanted EXPERIENCES...travel, adventure,exploration, education etc.
Neither of us was WRONG.. just fundamentally different in what kinds of things were important to each of us in this life.
It's an important thing to be aware of, I wish I had been as a younger woman. It's wisdom I have talked to my kids about as they are of an age to be partnering up. (My daughter and her BF of 3.5yrs recently split because of similar differences. At least they figured it out before marriage and kids...)
Happy to report my "new" husband and I share a healthy combination of wants, desires and compromises for life moving forward, and is a nice mix of things and experiences.
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
One of the main differences between my AXH and I was what we wanted to spend money on. It wasn't a big deal when we were starting out but it was HUGE by the time we split...
He wanted THINGS... tangible things he could hold, see, use etc.
I wanted EXPERIENCES...travel, adventure,exploration, education etc.
Neither of us was WRONG.. just fundamentally different in what kinds of things were important to each of us in this life.
It's an important thing to be aware of, I wish I had been as a younger woman. It's wisdom I have talked to my kids about as they are of an age to be partnering up. (My daughter and her BF of 3.5yrs recently split because of similar differences. At least they figured it out before marriage and kids...)
Happy to report my "new" husband and I share a healthy combination of wants, desires and compromises for life moving forward, and is a nice mix of things and experiences.
He wanted THINGS... tangible things he could hold, see, use etc.
I wanted EXPERIENCES...travel, adventure,exploration, education etc.
Neither of us was WRONG.. just fundamentally different in what kinds of things were important to each of us in this life.
It's an important thing to be aware of, I wish I had been as a younger woman. It's wisdom I have talked to my kids about as they are of an age to be partnering up. (My daughter and her BF of 3.5yrs recently split because of similar differences. At least they figured it out before marriage and kids...)
Happy to report my "new" husband and I share a healthy combination of wants, desires and compromises for life moving forward, and is a nice mix of things and experiences.
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Yeah, what about poor Marcelo DC?
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed......what about "under an olive tree with a tall drink and an Italian man named Marcelo"...….?
What was that about....?
What was that about....?
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Yeah, what about poor Marcelo DC?
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Yeah, what about poor Marcelo DC?
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
There he is, in Italy under the olive tree just waiting for you to show up and rock his world. . .
By the way, I noted you said "making small changes: to the divorce paperwork. Does this mean AH has signed or not signed? Stick to your boundary on this one.
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