Just Dodged Another Bullet
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Just Dodged Another Bullet
I think it's easier to dodge bullets in Sweetwater, Texas than it is in Afghanistan. Even so, anyone who spent time in Afghanistan would eventually get pretty good at it.
I have read that the twelve step programs have claimed that recovery is higher and relapse lower in areas that have a population with greater education. Our town is known for its high addiction rates and fewer college degrees per capita.
I have had trouble plugging into a church home here.
I keep encountering codependent firestorms I have to avoid. In my travels around town to different Catholic parishes, the latest has a Sacristan who I believe is an active alcoholic. Every time the guy talks to me, the conversation includes how much he had to drink that week. He got the bright idea that I "go out" with him, or better yet, take him on an out of town trip. Keep in mind I've only known this guy a few months. Oh, BY THE WAY, he is "afraid" to drive..... Translated into English, this means he is looking for a chauffeur so he can drink. I have successfully dodged going anywhere with this guy.
Two of our other parishes here currently have their pastors on suspension while they are being investigated for clerical sexual abuse. The larger of the two has seen attendance diminish by 30% since the pastor was put on suspension, with some of that group publicly protesting that they will boycott the Church until the pastor is re-instated.
I have resigned myself to attend mass anywhere the mood strikes me, much as a visitor would from out of town. I sit in the back and don't get involved.
My goal for this coming year, recovery wise, is to erase the "flaming codependent" sign from my forehead that seems to attract addicts.
I have read that the twelve step programs have claimed that recovery is higher and relapse lower in areas that have a population with greater education. Our town is known for its high addiction rates and fewer college degrees per capita.
I have had trouble plugging into a church home here.
I keep encountering codependent firestorms I have to avoid. In my travels around town to different Catholic parishes, the latest has a Sacristan who I believe is an active alcoholic. Every time the guy talks to me, the conversation includes how much he had to drink that week. He got the bright idea that I "go out" with him, or better yet, take him on an out of town trip. Keep in mind I've only known this guy a few months. Oh, BY THE WAY, he is "afraid" to drive..... Translated into English, this means he is looking for a chauffeur so he can drink. I have successfully dodged going anywhere with this guy.
Two of our other parishes here currently have their pastors on suspension while they are being investigated for clerical sexual abuse. The larger of the two has seen attendance diminish by 30% since the pastor was put on suspension, with some of that group publicly protesting that they will boycott the Church until the pastor is re-instated.
I have resigned myself to attend mass anywhere the mood strikes me, much as a visitor would from out of town. I sit in the back and don't get involved.
My goal for this coming year, recovery wise, is to erase the "flaming codependent" sign from my forehead that seems to attract addicts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Ok he sounds creepy lol
Good for you for sorting all that out and all the rest too.
I have come to the conclusion that what they see is kindness. Yes, it's up to you to protect yourself, but I hope you never erase the kindness.
Good for you for sorting all that out and all the rest too.
My goal for this coming year, recovery wise, is to erase the "flaming codependent" sign from my forehead that seems to attract addicts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
Originally Posted by Eauchiche 
I have read that the twelve step programs have claimed that recovery is higher and relapse lower in areas that have a population with greater education.
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
Every time the guy talks to me, the conversation includes how much he had to drink that week. He got the bright idea that I "go out" with him, or better yet, take him on an out of town trip. ..he is "afraid" to drive.... he is looking for a chauffeur so he can drink. I have successfully dodged going anywhere with this guy.
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
My goal for this coming year, recovery wise, is to erase the "flaming codependent" sign from my forehead that seems to attract addicts.
If you meet alcoholics or other troubled folk, but your secure boundaries and shiny firm spine prevent unhealthy involvement, that's the best you can hope for.
Your seem to think that in recovery, you won't meet damaged people. I think that assumption is flawed. They're everywhere.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by velma929
I wonder if the well-educated have better skills at concealing addiction, or their families perceive their social standing more at risk
Also, you cant buy your way out of addiction but money helps not have to experience it publicly. We never became destitute despite the depth of the issue because we were doing well financially. And if I’d had a full time nanny I’d never have had to tell anyone when it all went to hell.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
LOL.....I have always wondered about "wine tastings"......it, maybe, it can be another way to give an aura of respectability to a bunch of wine guzzlers.....
An example might be my brother in law....he went to a wine tasting...a rather large gathering.....and, on the way out of the venue---he made a sarcastic remark to a policeman who was directing traffic....the cop had him pulled over and tested...and, my brother in law received a DUI....lol...he had gotten as drunk as a skunk at a "wine tasting"...….
An example might be my brother in law....he went to a wine tasting...a rather large gathering.....and, on the way out of the venue---he made a sarcastic remark to a policeman who was directing traffic....the cop had him pulled over and tested...and, my brother in law received a DUI....lol...he had gotten as drunk as a skunk at a "wine tasting"...….
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
I didn't know this until I saw it on Oprah, but you're not supposed to swallow the wine. You're supposed to spit it out.
Which explains why a friend of mine, a little less cultured, thought he'd invite himself to an old frat brother's wine tasting, and the old friend had to tell him that that well, the guest list was set and a wine tasting wasn't about getting drunk.
"We all know lawyers have huge alcoholic rates..." Around here, the term "ruddy-faced lawyer" covers that.
The county to the south of me has very high arrest rates for DWI, and very low conviction rates. Money can buy experts and such to explain away and plea bargain down an awful lot of things. Experience with the legal system helps. A gubernatorial candidate was pulled over for suspicion of DWI, and even pulled a "Do you know who I am?" act with the police. She simply refused the breathalyzer test. There was nothing they could do. She even had the officer prosecuted for arresting her, though he was found not guilty.
Which explains why a friend of mine, a little less cultured, thought he'd invite himself to an old frat brother's wine tasting, and the old friend had to tell him that that well, the guest list was set and a wine tasting wasn't about getting drunk.
"We all know lawyers have huge alcoholic rates..." Around here, the term "ruddy-faced lawyer" covers that.
The county to the south of me has very high arrest rates for DWI, and very low conviction rates. Money can buy experts and such to explain away and plea bargain down an awful lot of things. Experience with the legal system helps. A gubernatorial candidate was pulled over for suspicion of DWI, and even pulled a "Do you know who I am?" act with the police. She simply refused the breathalyzer test. There was nothing they could do. She even had the officer prosecuted for arresting her, though he was found not guilty.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
Thanks to all you folks who posted.
Meanwhile I just got home from mass at a different parish where I am unknown and there was no drama.
Meanwhile I just got home from mass at a different parish where I am unknown and there was no drama.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
My goal for this coming year, recovery wise, is to erase the "flaming codependent" sign from my forehead that seems to attract addicts.
I do hope that you find a place to feed your spiritual needs. I know how hard that can be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by oddsunflower
My AH, Catholic as well, would "use" church as a sort of purge of all his wrongdoings for the week. Like it excused his behavior because he confessed and received communion. I developed a little bit of resentment towards the practices of the Church in general. That this "forgiveness" was supposed to mean that I forgave him too just because he went to church.
.
.
Thanks for your kind comments. Of course, your husband bought into an error. Confession means we are to avoid the near occasion of sin in the future. It isn't a pass to keep repeating them.
All the best to you and yours!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I have been thinking about you friend!
I hope you find a church home that puts you at ease. You deserve that!
I hope you find a church home that puts you at ease. You deserve that!
Churches are like the rest of society, in that they are also tainted by addictive trends.
I guess we just have to "kiss a few frogs" sometimes!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
