The saga continues
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The saga continues
I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. Numb is probably the best word to describe it. My thoughts, like clothes wrapped around a ringer, are wadded and tightly in place. Why did I pick a sick man?? Why do I believe I am the owner of the kind of love and answers that can cure this man or anyone? I am not the mother of the earth. Hero complex? Self righteousness? Too much altruism? The AH says I’m a man hater. My counselor is an alcoholic hater. That I’m stubborn. This morning he has his headphones in and is singing songs as he drinks his coffee and walks around the house. Happy as can be with a scowl on his face. Oxymoronic, or just moronic?? He isn’t speaking to me. Again, he’s mad. Heavy sigh. He looked over the papers but hasn’t addressed them yet. He has a little less than 4 weeks to be out. To be honest, I am looking forward to that. Seriously.
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Considering he isn’t paying anything to be here anymore...he stopped contributing to his expenses. He’s free loading and acting like I’m the bad guy. This just gets more surreal as the days goes by. Alice in the looking glass doesn’t have anything on me. Cue* twilight zone theme music...
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Ok I’m detaching now. I do not have to react to his behavior. I do not have to carry the burden of his choices. I am not a man hater and his words do not define my reality. His lack of feeling for what’s going on here is on him. My feelings of loss and pain are a normal part of grief for a relationship and a man I loved. I will recover. I will continue to love and laugh. I will be ok. His loss. And he knows it. Have a wonderful day....❤️
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is there some outing or event you could head to? get out of the toxic stew for a bit? farmers market. art walk. movie. bookstore. take the pupppers and go find new trails/parks to stroll thru? go check out paint/wallpaper for some room in the house you want to refresh?
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
is there some outing or event you could head to? get out of the toxic stew for a bit? farmers market. art walk. movie. bookstore. take the pupppers and go find new trails/parks to stroll thru? go check out paint/wallpaper for some room in the house you want to refresh?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Hi D&C
Early on after detaching from her I was surviving at times minute to minute. I had to find small things to focus on - even if I could only do it for short periods of time. She wasn't in the same house as I was so not exactly sure how I would have handled that situation. I think I would have found somewhere else to stay - probably anywhere.
Get away from him. Stay in another room. Go somewhere - anywhere. Distance yourself from him. By staying in close proximity to him you are simply feeding into more of his BS. I think it will only get worse until he finally moves out.
I don't think he is much of a man because he is deliberately mentally abusing you. What decent man would do this to a woman?
Take deep breaths. Calm yourself. Go outside day or night. Look up at the sky. See the sun, clouds, moon or stars. Feel the breeze. There is an entire universe out there. He is only one little part of what's out there for you & your life.
If you have decided to end your relationship with him then end it. Change those stuck thoughts in your mind. Don't dwell in bad unrealistic places. Be aware of when you start to dwell & change that channel if only for a little bit.
You may need to talk to a professional to help sort this out. If you feel that is needed then just do it. It helped me greatly.
I too was once where you are now. I know it just sucks. You are not alone & if you take the right steps to protect yourself it will get better over time.
Early on after detaching from her I was surviving at times minute to minute. I had to find small things to focus on - even if I could only do it for short periods of time. She wasn't in the same house as I was so not exactly sure how I would have handled that situation. I think I would have found somewhere else to stay - probably anywhere.
Get away from him. Stay in another room. Go somewhere - anywhere. Distance yourself from him. By staying in close proximity to him you are simply feeding into more of his BS. I think it will only get worse until he finally moves out.
I don't think he is much of a man because he is deliberately mentally abusing you. What decent man would do this to a woman?
Take deep breaths. Calm yourself. Go outside day or night. Look up at the sky. See the sun, clouds, moon or stars. Feel the breeze. There is an entire universe out there. He is only one little part of what's out there for you & your life.
If you have decided to end your relationship with him then end it. Change those stuck thoughts in your mind. Don't dwell in bad unrealistic places. Be aware of when you start to dwell & change that channel if only for a little bit.
You may need to talk to a professional to help sort this out. If you feel that is needed then just do it. It helped me greatly.
I too was once where you are now. I know it just sucks. You are not alone & if you take the right steps to protect yourself it will get better over time.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 530
What I finally realized is this behavior is not normal nor is it typical of loving relationships. Love looks like love. If he can keep you off balance and questioning yourself, he's got you where he wants you. It took me very long time to trust myself again. I asked myself the same questions. What made me pick him? What made me stay? But just stop a minute and think about it- you are recognizing something isn't right. if you had to start a relationship with him as he is now- would you do it? of course not. But you have been in love, and he has changed, and you recognize something is off. hard to trust reality- is this really happening? Why won't he go back to being the man i fell in love with? I think one of the things that was a tipping point is i was looking at old photos- of the man I fell in love with- and I remembered he wasn't like that back then- i remembered a totally different man.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
As Hardlessons said, what man, purposefully, abuses a woman?
You know that is exactly what he is doing. He wanders around singing like he hasn't a care in the world. Well he does - getting at you.
He's not paying his way, he is not going to be staying there.
What can you do to get him out of the house sooner? Have you attempted to insist he move now?
If that doesn't or didn't work, is there a legal avenue you can take to evict him.
Time to fight for yourself dazed, you don't have to take this (fighting methodically and legally of course).
You know that is exactly what he is doing. He wanders around singing like he hasn't a care in the world. Well he does - getting at you.
He's not paying his way, he is not going to be staying there.
What can you do to get him out of the house sooner? Have you attempted to insist he move now?
If that doesn't or didn't work, is there a legal avenue you can take to evict him.
Time to fight for yourself dazed, you don't have to take this (fighting methodically and legally of course).
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by HardLessons
Hi D&C
Early on after detaching from her I was surviving at times minute to minute. I had to find small things to focus on - even if I could only do it for short periods of time. She wasn't in the same house as I was so not exactly sure how I would have handled that situation. I think I would have found somewhere else to stay - probably anywhere.
Get away from him. Stay in another room. Go somewhere - anywhere. Distance yourself from him. By staying in close proximity to him you are simply feeding into more of his BS. I think it will only get worse until he finally moves out.
I don't think he is much of a man because he is deliberately mentally abusing you. What decent man would do this to a woman?
Take deep breaths. Calm yourself. Go outside day or night. Look up at the sky. See the sun, clouds, moon or stars. Feel the breeze. There is an entire universe out there. He is only one little part of what's out there for you & your life.
If you have decided to end your relationship with him then end it. Change those stuck thoughts in your mind. Don't dwell in bad unrealistic places. Be aware of when you start to dwell & change that channel if only for a little bit.
You may need to talk to a professional to help sort this out. If you feel that is needed then just do it. It helped me greatly.
I too was once where you are now. I know it just sucks. You are not alone & if you take the right steps to protect yourself it will get better over time.
Early on after detaching from her I was surviving at times minute to minute. I had to find small things to focus on - even if I could only do it for short periods of time. She wasn't in the same house as I was so not exactly sure how I would have handled that situation. I think I would have found somewhere else to stay - probably anywhere.
Get away from him. Stay in another room. Go somewhere - anywhere. Distance yourself from him. By staying in close proximity to him you are simply feeding into more of his BS. I think it will only get worse until he finally moves out.
I don't think he is much of a man because he is deliberately mentally abusing you. What decent man would do this to a woman?
Take deep breaths. Calm yourself. Go outside day or night. Look up at the sky. See the sun, clouds, moon or stars. Feel the breeze. There is an entire universe out there. He is only one little part of what's out there for you & your life.
If you have decided to end your relationship with him then end it. Change those stuck thoughts in your mind. Don't dwell in bad unrealistic places. Be aware of when you start to dwell & change that channel if only for a little bit.
You may need to talk to a professional to help sort this out. If you feel that is needed then just do it. It helped me greatly.
I too was once where you are now. I know it just sucks. You are not alone & if you take the right steps to protect yourself it will get better over time.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by qtpi
What I finally realized is this behavior is not normal nor is it typical of loving relationships. Love looks like love. If he can keep you off balance and questioning yourself, he's got you where he wants you. It took me very long time to trust myself again. I asked myself the same questions. What made me pick him? What made me stay? But just stop a minute and think about it- you are recognizing something isn't right. if you had to start a relationship with him as he is now- would you do it? of course not. But you have been in love, and he has changed, and you recognize something is off. hard to trust reality- is this really happening? Why won't he go back to being the man i fell in love with? I think one of the things that was a tipping point is i was looking at old photos- of the man I fell in love with- and I remembered he wasn't like that back then- i remembered a totally different man.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Originally Posted by trailmix
As Hardlessons said, what man, purposefully, abuses a woman?
You know that is exactly what he is doing. He wanders around singing like he hasn't a care in the world. Well he does - getting at you.
He's not paying his way, he is not going to be staying there.
What can you do to get him out of the house sooner? Have you attempted to insist he move now?
If that doesn't or didn't work, is there a legal avenue you can take to evict him.
Time to fight for yourself dazed, you don't have to take this (fighting methodically and legally of course).
You know that is exactly what he is doing. He wanders around singing like he hasn't a care in the world. Well he does - getting at you.
He's not paying his way, he is not going to be staying there.
What can you do to get him out of the house sooner? Have you attempted to insist he move now?
If that doesn't or didn't work, is there a legal avenue you can take to evict him.
Time to fight for yourself dazed, you don't have to take this (fighting methodically and legally of course).
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
So I spent the morning in church. Haven’t been there in years. There was a christening going on. Beautiful children dressed in beautiful white and gold brocade gowns. Family smiling. People hugging and Kissinger. Embracing. I went there hoping, that like a movie, a priest would see my pain and ask daughter what troubles you?” Well that didn’t happen. But I was surrounded by love, I felt safe and I prayed. I then bought myself a vanilla ice cream cone! Yum! Just like the ones my dad used to get me when I was a kid, the vanilla swirling soft kind. Thank you all for your insights. Those farther down this road than I am are certainty my eyes right now.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
Do you have access to a library to get a good book or audiobook? Im listening to "becoming the narcissist's nightmare". It's really helped me.
my main bit of advice: remove yourself from his nonsense - take his audience away.
That will confuse him, and give you back some control. Go for a walk whenever you feel him getting to you. Imagine how fit you will become!
my main bit of advice: remove yourself from his nonsense - take his audience away.
That will confuse him, and give you back some control. Go for a walk whenever you feel him getting to you. Imagine how fit you will become!
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Wombaticus
Do you have access to a library to get a good book or audiobook? Im listening to "becoming the narcissist's nightmare". It's really helped me.
my main bit of advice: remove yourself from his nonsense - take his audience away.
That will confuse him, and give you back some control. Go for a walk whenever you feel him getting to you. Imagine how fit you will become!
my main bit of advice: remove yourself from his nonsense - take his audience away.
That will confuse him, and give you back some control. Go for a walk whenever you feel him getting to you. Imagine how fit you will become!
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Dazed......I think you taking refuge inside the church....just being around the other people....and their energy.....is a perfect example of what I mean when I am always preaching that being around other humans is a very healing/soothing thing when one is grieving.....
We are pack animals...we need connection to others....
LOl...when we were still out on the grasslands...those who stayed closest to the pack, did better....they are the ones that survived the predators....
We are pack animals...we need connection to others....
LOl...when we were still out on the grasslands...those who stayed closest to the pack, did better....they are the ones that survived the predators....
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed......I think you taking refuge inside the church....just being around the other people....and their energy.....is a perfect example of what I mean when I am always preaching that being around other humans is a very healing/soothing thing when one is grieving.....
We are pack animals...we need connection to others....
LOl...when we were still out on the grasslands...those who stayed closest to the pack, did better....they are the ones that survived the predators....
We are pack animals...we need connection to others....
LOl...when we were still out on the grasslands...those who stayed closest to the pack, did better....they are the ones that survived the predators....
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