They’re convinced

Old 08-22-2019, 05:33 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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So we’ve scheduled mediation and it might have been good that it happens a month from now bc my financing won’t go through for the house for a month. Boo.
His stepdad is coming up this weekend. I don’t know why- but I said it’s ok. We can choose to provide narratives to the mediator for background so he is busily getting his family to provide lots of information about how great a dad he was and how much time he’d spent with kiddo when kiddo was younger. He said he’d ask my mom who lives in town with us for a narrative as well. I don’t know if he knows how she will say she’d seen him under the influence many times when we were all together.

And that’s the state of things. I’m pretty sure that any expenses after we submitted our financial statements will not be considered as part of the settlement.

he always takes out money and pays for booze in cash. He’s always done that. So clever him.

he also took the parenting course online. Or is partway through it. I registered but haven’t sat down to participate yet.
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:50 PM
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i'm not sure that in the midst of mediation and divorce, now is the best time to try and secure a home loan? just seems awfully wiggly. since you are not separated OR divorced, acquiring more debt, such as a home with a deed seems a very risky. acquiring more assets at THIS time just to ME seems like a bad bad plan.

you don't even truly know what the state of your finances ARE at this point. he keeps draining the account but is not putting anything IN.

i am not an accountant nor a financial planner, but i have managed my finances quite successfully. you need to preserve funds, protect them, get them as far out of his reach as possible.

with mediation a month away now, he has plenty of opportunity to do great damage. while not a legal person either, it is possible that prior to any final dissolution, they may ask for a refresh on the financial statements. he will make sure to stay unemployed. possibly angle for spousal support.

we had a member here whose husband took her to the cleaners.....including taking half of her retirement. and the house. and spousal maintenance. and he had no remorse for doing so.

assume the WORST. act as if he is a thief entering your home and taking absolutely everything he can find and carry out. hunker down, up the defense shield, take no prisoners.
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Old 08-22-2019, 06:54 PM
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Noted. The refinance is actually for me to get the house and mortgage in my name only.
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Old 08-22-2019, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Thursdays View Post
Noted. The refinance is actually for me to get the house and mortgage in my name only.
Not to be nosy (and you don't have to answer this of course), this is to buy him out I take it and it will be agreed that this is outside of community property, assuming you are in a community property jurisdiction.

I'm sure you know but I'm mentioning it anyway that even if the house and mortgage are in your name, it's still community property, legally, until such time as he legally releases you from that.

And unless you have agreed on a cash payout, legally, there is nothing to force him to take X amount of dollars as a buyout. He could claim that market value is higher and insist on that amount or sell the house.

Anyway, you probably already know all this and I'm sure your lawyer has already advised you, just thought it was worth mentioning.
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Old 08-23-2019, 04:41 AM
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Hi trail mix- yes, our original agreement was that I would buy him out at a certain price and he would sign a quit claim on the deed. I don’t know if he’s going to agree to that now- maybe he will- maybe we will have to negotiate. Maybe it will be so spiteful and contentious that we will have to go to arbitration and get a ruling from the courts. Maybe the courts will force us to sell the house and we will split the proceeds. I really hope the last one doesn’t happen, but I don’t know. I’ve thought about all the possibilities (I think, but I could be wrong). Now it’s just more sitting around and waiting and deep breathing.
I’ve also thought about him possibly aiming for alimony and I really really hope that, since he’s educated and skilled and has worked before that a court would not agree to that. He can’t touch my investments as they were premarital and I don’t have much in my jobs 401k, but who knows. I’m taking a risk but I really want him to prove his sobriety so maybe that was a big mistake. I don’t know.
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Old 08-23-2019, 08:10 AM
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Oh my goodness! DO NOT obtain a loan in your own name without him signing a quit claim deed first. Please, please get some financial advise on this. You really, really do not want to do that without quit claim deed in hand, SIGNED.
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