Papers
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Papers
The divorce papers came. We just sign and it’s done. This wasn’t suppose to happen to us, we were suppose to make it. He tells me all he can promise me is one day at a time and the big book says he doesn’t have to drink again, I want to believe him with all my heart....but I just don’t trust it anymore. He says he doesn’t blame me. So now I can’t stop crying.
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Why should he blame you? Past actions are pretty good predictors.
Have a good cry. I often cry in the shower or in a hot bath. Get some sleep and I suggest you have him sign those papers first thing and you too. Get them in the mail right away.
If he does manage to really wit and get into active recovery, in a year or so you can see where you both are and reevaluate then.
Now he needs to do him and you need to do you. You can heal individually but not together at this point.
Have a good cry. I often cry in the shower or in a hot bath. Get some sleep and I suggest you have him sign those papers first thing and you too. Get them in the mail right away.
If he does manage to really wit and get into active recovery, in a year or so you can see where you both are and reevaluate then.
Now he needs to do him and you need to do you. You can heal individually but not together at this point.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Why should he blame you?
Have a good cry. I often cry in the shower or in a hot bath. Get some sleep and I suggest you have him sign those papers first thing and you too. Get them in the mail right away.
If he does manage to really wit and get into active recovery, in a year or so you can see where you both are and reevaluate then.
Now he needs to do him and you need to do you. You can heal individually but not together at this point.
Have a good cry. I often cry in the shower or in a hot bath. Get some sleep and I suggest you have him sign those papers first thing and you too. Get them in the mail right away.
If he does manage to really wit and get into active recovery, in a year or so you can see where you both are and reevaluate then.
Now he needs to do him and you need to do you. You can heal individually but not together at this point.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
Wait a minute, this is the same guy with the morning mocking sessions to my comments....I am glad I listened to anvil and went to bed. It’s chaos in proximity to him!
Yes, get them in the mail. Honestly, in reading your posts, this is like being on the addiction roller-coaster at full speed, it's horrible and take everything with a grain of salt. He's up one minute and down the next.
Remember those priorities. That hasn't changed in this short a time.
Marriage is a legal contract really, nothing more. You can love someone and not be married to them. As Hawkeye said, see where you are in a year, see where he is in a year. If he is well in to recovery and you see something there, there is no reason you can't date and see where you go.
But that's off a way and it's important to focus on the here and now (and your upcoming trip!). Keep moving forward.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
You are coming out of the fog and can see this much more clearly now.
Yes, get them in the mail. Honestly, in reading your posts, this is like being on the addiction roller-coaster at full speed, it's horrible and take everything with a grain of salt. He's up one minute and down the next.
Remember those priorities. That hasn't changed in this short a time.
Marriage is a legal contract really, nothing more. You can love someone and not be married to them. As Hawkeye said, see where you are in a year, see where he is in a year. If he is well in to recovery and you see something there, there is no reason you can't date and see where you go.
But that's off a way and it's important to focus on the here and now (and your upcoming trip!). Keep moving forward.
Yes, get them in the mail. Honestly, in reading your posts, this is like being on the addiction roller-coaster at full speed, it's horrible and take everything with a grain of salt. He's up one minute and down the next.
Remember those priorities. That hasn't changed in this short a time.
Marriage is a legal contract really, nothing more. You can love someone and not be married to them. As Hawkeye said, see where you are in a year, see where he is in a year. If he is well in to recovery and you see something there, there is no reason you can't date and see where you go.
But that's off a way and it's important to focus on the here and now (and your upcoming trip!). Keep moving forward.
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Looked over the papers. Just a few corrections and it’s done. I’m devastated. AH seems to not give a damn, doing ok about it. What he says and how it acts about it doesn’t jive. It’s very ok just moving ahead, it is what it is, I’m in recovery now, it doesn’t have to be this way, I’m done drinking, I’m spiritually dead and sad, but if that’s what you want...blah blah blah...This picture continues to be wrong and hurtful to me.
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What he says and how it acts about it doesn’t jive.
This is typical with alcoholism. It can affect us as friends and family members in very similar wars, of words and actions not meeting up.
edit/ I meant to type "ways" yet the wording is fine. I'll leave it the way it showed up today.
Congratulations on your own recovery. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
Self-care is much needed, especially today. What does yours look like?
This is typical with alcoholism. It can affect us as friends and family members in very similar wars, of words and actions not meeting up.
edit/ I meant to type "ways" yet the wording is fine. I'll leave it the way it showed up today.
Congratulations on your own recovery. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
Self-care is much needed, especially today. What does yours look like?
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Originally Posted by Mango212
What he says and how it acts about it doesn’t jive.
This is typical with alcoholism. It can affect us as friends and family members in very similar wars, of words and actions not meeting up.
edit/ I meant to type "ways" yet the wording is fine. I'll leave it the way it showed up today.
Congratulations on your own recovery. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
Self-care is much needed, especially today. What does yours look like?
This is typical with alcoholism. It can affect us as friends and family members in very similar wars, of words and actions not meeting up.
edit/ I meant to type "ways" yet the wording is fine. I'll leave it the way it showed up today.
Congratulations on your own recovery. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
Self-care is much needed, especially today. What does yours look like?
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
This picture continues to be wrong and hurtful to me.
what did you want or hope to see?
my AA sponsor always kept me grounded with:
It is what it IS, isn't it.
what did you want or hope to see?
my AA sponsor always kept me grounded with:
It is what it IS, isn't it.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Dazed......yes, it does hurt.....like nothing else....
We understand.....
It won't always feel like this......hang on to that knowledge....
Reach out for some human contact....that helps a bit...
We understand.....
It won't always feel like this......hang on to that knowledge....
Reach out for some human contact....that helps a bit...
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Besides if he can do this to me after 20 years of giving my ALL what else can others do? I’m just not feeling any trust towards humanity right now. He says, there were a lot of good times, all I feel right now is betrayal.
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I know I’m no angel but I was willing to work thru problems, listen, adjust to make it work. My problems were discussable, I was open to compromise. There is no fixing this, this horror that I’ve lived thru. And I did it stone. Cold. Sober. He doesn’t even remember the horror or begin to understand d the pain. That’s what I wanted to see, EMPATHY
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Understandably. Addiction has your Husband.
He was an addict when you met him. He has always been, it never goes away. One can hope that it will never take hold of them again, but it's just a hope and not always what happens.
It's also not a lesson of any sort. This is just crappy, you aren't being punished (although I'm sure it feels like it).
I'll say it again, please don't take this personally. It is not about you. It affects you greatly, but it is not personal.
He was an addict when you met him. He has always been, it never goes away. One can hope that it will never take hold of them again, but it's just a hope and not always what happens.
It's also not a lesson of any sort. This is just crappy, you aren't being punished (although I'm sure it feels like it).
I'll say it again, please don't take this personally. It is not about you. It affects you greatly, but it is not personal.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Understandably. Addiction has your Husband.
He was an addict when you met him. He has always been, it never goes away. One can hope that it will never take hold of them again, but it's just a hope and not always what happens.
It's also not a lesson of any sort. This is just crappy, you aren't being punished (although I'm sure it feels like it).
I'll say it again, please don't take this personally. It is not about you. It affects you greatly, but it is not personal.
He was an addict when you met him. He has always been, it never goes away. One can hope that it will never take hold of them again, but it's just a hope and not always what happens.
It's also not a lesson of any sort. This is just crappy, you aren't being punished (although I'm sure it feels like it).
I'll say it again, please don't take this personally. It is not about you. It affects you greatly, but it is not personal.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Gotcha.
O.k.....no humans, then.
If you had a dog or cat.....it helped me to hold my animals and cry....they couldn't DO anything, either...but, it seemed the instinctive thing to do....
O.k.....no humans, then.
If you had a dog or cat.....it helped me to hold my animals and cry....they couldn't DO anything, either...but, it seemed the instinctive thing to do....
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