Do alcoholics fear family therapy..
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Join Date: May 2018
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Do alcoholics fear family therapy..
I've just had some more quacking from EXAH about our son needing discipline. As soon as I mentioned (again), that SON really needs to see a play therapist the quacking stopped...INSTANTLY. I have found the magic formula. Its called a psychological spotlight.
It's funny, I've seen a trauma Councillor for 4 months, talked to addiction specialists, Al anon. I'm jumping into any self help, self care.. Crack me open and make me better for me AND my kids. And the addicts runs for the shadows.
It's funny, I've seen a trauma Councillor for 4 months, talked to addiction specialists, Al anon. I'm jumping into any self help, self care.. Crack me open and make me better for me AND my kids. And the addicts runs for the shadows.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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Hi Milano,
Allowing inner questions to change, with guidance and awareness, from "what's up with him/her" to "what's up with me?" creates healing and new actions that come easier with practice.
In Al-Anon the three A's bring a framework to this process. Awareness, Acceptance, Action.
Whether an alcoholic fears family therapy or not can be individual. Different stages of the disease; differences in personal approaches, etc.
Our own recovery from this family disease becomes a loop, a circle of healing.
Allowing inner questions to change, with guidance and awareness, from "what's up with him/her" to "what's up with me?" creates healing and new actions that come easier with practice.
In Al-Anon the three A's bring a framework to this process. Awareness, Acceptance, Action.
Whether an alcoholic fears family therapy or not can be individual. Different stages of the disease; differences in personal approaches, etc.
Our own recovery from this family disease becomes a loop, a circle of healing.
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I don't really know if there is anything universal about addiction and a far of counseling. But, based on my own experience, anything that shines a spotlight on the addiction will cause a reaction in an active alcoholic.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Originally Posted by Seren 
I don't really know if there is anything universal about addiction and a far of counseling. But, based on my own experience, anything that shines a spotlight on the addiction will cause a reaction in an active alcoholic.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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My XAH maintains that he's "tried EVERYTHING" to quit drinking and nothing has worked, so why should he continue to try?
In his case, "EVERYTHING" has consisted of AA meetings (which he did attend for quite a length of time, but as far as I can tell, only in the sense of being physically present and not actually doing the work) and a handful of counseling sessions. Oh, and many, MANY "I'm going to just QUIT" attempts, w/no plan, no support, no nothing, which worked as well as you might expect.
His father was also an alcoholic who never found any prolonged sobriety, and the whole family will quote you this section from the AA Big Book at the drop of a hat:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
Apparently XAH has decided he's going to follow in his father's footsteps, and after all, it says right there that he's not at fault, so really, what do people expect of him? End of story.
In my earlier days, I used to spend all kinds of time finding alternatives for him--LifeRing, Smart Recovery, counseling, etc. I've finally, finally learned my lesson. He is NOT interested in getting sober, and that is entirely his choice to make. MY choice is whether and to what degree I remain in contact w/him.
In his case, "EVERYTHING" has consisted of AA meetings (which he did attend for quite a length of time, but as far as I can tell, only in the sense of being physically present and not actually doing the work) and a handful of counseling sessions. Oh, and many, MANY "I'm going to just QUIT" attempts, w/no plan, no support, no nothing, which worked as well as you might expect.
His father was also an alcoholic who never found any prolonged sobriety, and the whole family will quote you this section from the AA Big Book at the drop of a hat:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
Apparently XAH has decided he's going to follow in his father's footsteps, and after all, it says right there that he's not at fault, so really, what do people expect of him? End of story.
In my earlier days, I used to spend all kinds of time finding alternatives for him--LifeRing, Smart Recovery, counseling, etc. I've finally, finally learned my lesson. He is NOT interested in getting sober, and that is entirely his choice to make. MY choice is whether and to what degree I remain in contact w/him.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
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Originally Posted by honeypig
He is NOT interested in getting sober, and that is entirely his choice to make. MY choice is whether and to what degree I remain in contact w/him.
Well said, honeypig!
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Join Date: May 2010
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The A bragged/boasted how he got out of additional dui counseling. He had to talk the mandatory program management out of referring/advising him that he needed counseling. He talked just as much about that as what on in the program. And of course he drinking more with more regularity. But you could tell before he actually got of out of counseling he was un-nerved, rattled scared what ever you want to call.
As mentioned yet counseling is a threat to drinking and denial. Especially when they have a contrived image that has to be maintained.
As mentioned yet counseling is a threat to drinking and denial. Especially when they have a contrived image that has to be maintained.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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I was engaged, which ended at the end of May. The main issue with the relationship was my bad attitude, which was directly 100% caused by her full blown addiction to alcohol. She was in such denial about it that she blamed me for everything despite my constant statements about my feeling all these endless and wide ranging emotions caused by her drinking, both while she was actively doing it, as well as the constant "pondering" of the bad situation as well as thinking about the future. She mentioned we needed couples therapy, at first I didn't agree to it due to thinking it wouldn't matter or help. A month later I agreed, she set up an appointment. A couple of days later, and a few days before the meeting was to happen, she broke things off with me. I'd say alot of that had to do with the fact that she knew she would get "exposed" and hear that is was an actual problem from a professional. Seems pretty spot on, your assessment here--
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I have proposed relationship therapy for us three times. Three times it has been rejected. Given he is still drinking, I doubt we would get far anyway.
Meanwhile, I have done it by myself, and as a result feel much, much happier.
Meanwhile, I have done it by myself, and as a result feel much, much happier.
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