Still trapped and losing my mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
Still trapped and losing my mind.
I've posted on here many times, mostly when things hit rock bottom as they have once again. I don't even know what im
here for. I read people stories and it recomfims I'm not just simply going crazy. Living on this rollercoaster with my ABF, although now I have set a boundary that has officially made him my Ex-BF. I don't know where to turn as real help seems limited. Since the last time I was on here back in March when he had two wknds in a row of drunk all nighters and coming home drunk saying the worst things in the world to me , that prompted me to stay at a hotel for a few nights. Then he decided he was not going to drink for two months., and admitted his need for help. Although he refuses to seek professional help. Those two months of him being sober was "Nice", but his unwillingness to have conversations that would perhaps help resolve the issues and maybe help evolve into positive patterns is what set him/ us back. And when the two months were up he went right back to where he started... the bar. Now once again after i made an attempt to talk to him about "our future " and the state of things, which I did so in an upbeat proper manner, he made yet another excuse to not talk about anything. This upset me and in turn what he chose to do was ignore me for a few days then leave work at noon and go to the bar and continue to drink into the night when he finally came home at 1:30am drunk and trying to be close to me. I had to go sit out in my car at 2am and wait for him to pass out before going back in the house. The next day (Saturday) he left in the afternoon and never came home until Sunday night,. Drunk. When he sobered up I told him I want to end this relationship once and for all, and that I want him to move out as the place is in my name. He told me he will not move out and that this is his home and he will live here. He then sent me text saying he wants to go see a therapist together and fix things. Thing is last month I asked him to go to councling with me and he called me a princess amoung other names and told me to F off that I'm trying to get my way. I summed him up as a Lost cause and have been doing my best to remain civil in such an uncivilized union. On Monday I went to the courthouse (Again) and told them of my situation. I want him out - what do I need to do? They said I can't just kick him out I need Give him a 60day notice and possibly hire an attorney to deal with this in court, AND I would have to attend a meeting at the courthouse on a weekday morning to learn about my rights. Which is impossible for me to do as I have a job during those hours. So apparently if you live in a toxic environment and your name is on the lease there is no immediate action that can be taken. I've been in flight or fight mode for too many years and although many times I jumped back on the crazy train for another round THIS time I am not. His weak attempts of trying the rectify the situation disgust me. As of now when I come home and if he is there he acts like nothing is wrong and has asked me if i want dinner. I told him this behavior is just as disrespectful as him staying out all night on his wknd Benders. I gave him a written and emailed 30day notice with option of taking care of this in court if he chooses not to comply with the notice. He basically told me to F off again and said he will fight me in court. I'm trying to keep my sanity even though I feel like I'm about to go off the edge any min. Even though I've been stuck in this mess for so long the thing that has triggered my anger to really do something about it and stick to my boundaries is that beginning of July I found out my cat of 14yrs has a cancerous tumor ( she stays with my parents close by where I live ). The day I found out about the diagnosis I was by all means hysterical and sick with sadness I told the Bf I was going to go spend the night at my parents to be with her that night. I left at 9:30pm came home at 4:30am to get ready for work. He was in bed and reeked of alcohol. I found out that after I left that night he contacted one of his buddies and had him come over to hang out and drink! I thought what an inconsiderate Ahole! Then he proceeded to do the other stuff I mentioned above. I'm sick of this nightmare, sick of the negativity. I want so badly to live a simple happy life without the heartache of substance abuse. But for now by law I am trapped for 60days more of hell. Unbelievable!
here for. I read people stories and it recomfims I'm not just simply going crazy. Living on this rollercoaster with my ABF, although now I have set a boundary that has officially made him my Ex-BF. I don't know where to turn as real help seems limited. Since the last time I was on here back in March when he had two wknds in a row of drunk all nighters and coming home drunk saying the worst things in the world to me , that prompted me to stay at a hotel for a few nights. Then he decided he was not going to drink for two months., and admitted his need for help. Although he refuses to seek professional help. Those two months of him being sober was "Nice", but his unwillingness to have conversations that would perhaps help resolve the issues and maybe help evolve into positive patterns is what set him/ us back. And when the two months were up he went right back to where he started... the bar. Now once again after i made an attempt to talk to him about "our future " and the state of things, which I did so in an upbeat proper manner, he made yet another excuse to not talk about anything. This upset me and in turn what he chose to do was ignore me for a few days then leave work at noon and go to the bar and continue to drink into the night when he finally came home at 1:30am drunk and trying to be close to me. I had to go sit out in my car at 2am and wait for him to pass out before going back in the house. The next day (Saturday) he left in the afternoon and never came home until Sunday night,. Drunk. When he sobered up I told him I want to end this relationship once and for all, and that I want him to move out as the place is in my name. He told me he will not move out and that this is his home and he will live here. He then sent me text saying he wants to go see a therapist together and fix things. Thing is last month I asked him to go to councling with me and he called me a princess amoung other names and told me to F off that I'm trying to get my way. I summed him up as a Lost cause and have been doing my best to remain civil in such an uncivilized union. On Monday I went to the courthouse (Again) and told them of my situation. I want him out - what do I need to do? They said I can't just kick him out I need Give him a 60day notice and possibly hire an attorney to deal with this in court, AND I would have to attend a meeting at the courthouse on a weekday morning to learn about my rights. Which is impossible for me to do as I have a job during those hours. So apparently if you live in a toxic environment and your name is on the lease there is no immediate action that can be taken. I've been in flight or fight mode for too many years and although many times I jumped back on the crazy train for another round THIS time I am not. His weak attempts of trying the rectify the situation disgust me. As of now when I come home and if he is there he acts like nothing is wrong and has asked me if i want dinner. I told him this behavior is just as disrespectful as him staying out all night on his wknd Benders. I gave him a written and emailed 30day notice with option of taking care of this in court if he chooses not to comply with the notice. He basically told me to F off again and said he will fight me in court. I'm trying to keep my sanity even though I feel like I'm about to go off the edge any min. Even though I've been stuck in this mess for so long the thing that has triggered my anger to really do something about it and stick to my boundaries is that beginning of July I found out my cat of 14yrs has a cancerous tumor ( she stays with my parents close by where I live ). The day I found out about the diagnosis I was by all means hysterical and sick with sadness I told the Bf I was going to go spend the night at my parents to be with her that night. I left at 9:30pm came home at 4:30am to get ready for work. He was in bed and reeked of alcohol. I found out that after I left that night he contacted one of his buddies and had him come over to hang out and drink! I thought what an inconsiderate Ahole! Then he proceeded to do the other stuff I mentioned above. I'm sick of this nightmare, sick of the negativity. I want so badly to live a simple happy life without the heartache of substance abuse. But for now by law I am trapped for 60days more of hell. Unbelievable!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
“But for now by law I am trapped for 60days more of hell.”
No one, your boyfriend... not even the law... is the final decision-maker for YOUR life and the decisions that you make.
Yes, you are going through a very turbulent relationship. Yes, he’s an addict and definitely has abusive tendencies/actions. But no, you do NOT need to stay there for 60 days... regardless of your lease or what anyone tells you.
Is it easy... hell no. Is it fair... absolutely NOT. But your safety, sanity & well being are & should be the #1 priority.
There are options.
Options come when the mind opens up to opportunity. Right now, there’s just an overwhelming sadness and yes, a trapped vision for yourself.
But I truly believe... if you want something bad enough... you’ll find a way... to save yourself. Hey, I can say that after leaving an abusive, alcoholic relationship 3 months ago with absolutely nothing. I mean, NOTHING. I had no home or family... about $60 in my wallet. I cried for weeks but just kept moving forward... taking small jobs, asking friends for a couch... pet sitting for people, and yep... I even lived in a small tent in a city park. Not safe but I knew I was moving forward.
Point being... I’m glad you’re posting again. I’m glad you’re here. Answers will come. Lots of solid advice & support will come your way. All of us have been through our “version of hell” with our alcoholic partners/relationships. Breakthrough will happen...
Hang in there.
No one, your boyfriend... not even the law... is the final decision-maker for YOUR life and the decisions that you make.
Yes, you are going through a very turbulent relationship. Yes, he’s an addict and definitely has abusive tendencies/actions. But no, you do NOT need to stay there for 60 days... regardless of your lease or what anyone tells you.
Is it easy... hell no. Is it fair... absolutely NOT. But your safety, sanity & well being are & should be the #1 priority.
There are options.
Options come when the mind opens up to opportunity. Right now, there’s just an overwhelming sadness and yes, a trapped vision for yourself.
But I truly believe... if you want something bad enough... you’ll find a way... to save yourself. Hey, I can say that after leaving an abusive, alcoholic relationship 3 months ago with absolutely nothing. I mean, NOTHING. I had no home or family... about $60 in my wallet. I cried for weeks but just kept moving forward... taking small jobs, asking friends for a couch... pet sitting for people, and yep... I even lived in a small tent in a city park. Not safe but I knew I was moving forward.
Point being... I’m glad you’re posting again. I’m glad you’re here. Answers will come. Lots of solid advice & support will come your way. All of us have been through our “version of hell” with our alcoholic partners/relationships. Breakthrough will happen...
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Hi Amusic.
You need a lawyer or at the very least to speak with the people who determine the laws in your district for landlords and tenants.
For instance, does your landlord even know your BF is living there? Did he agree to it? If not, he may have the right to have him evicted in a much shorter period of time than you do, he might agree to do this for you.
Even if he didn't sign the lease but he is named as a tenant on your lease, he may have the same obligations as you do (ie: responsibility to pay the rent etc).
If you just went to the courthouse and said my BF lives with me but isn't on the lease can I evict him now - they may not have bothered to ask you the right questions.
Anyway, I'm just throwing some ideas out there. You really need to speak to someone who knows tenant law.
Now aside from all that, you have been held hostage in that apartment for long enough don't you think? You are living with an abuser who thinks he can call all the shots. Well, in fact he can't.
I'll tell you what I would do. I would rent a U-Haul tomorrow (no waiting until Monday or next weekend etc), get some friends to help (or hire someone off kijiji for heavier lifting) and pack everything I own in to that U-haul. I would then walk out and go stay with my parents (you may have to rent a storage space for your things if the don't have room).
I'd then let the landlord know what you have done and why.
Not sure how this will affect your work situation but if your parents are too far away perhaps you could move in with a friend for a month or so?
It's might actually have mr. attitude running out the door.
You need a lawyer or at the very least to speak with the people who determine the laws in your district for landlords and tenants.
For instance, does your landlord even know your BF is living there? Did he agree to it? If not, he may have the right to have him evicted in a much shorter period of time than you do, he might agree to do this for you.
Even if he didn't sign the lease but he is named as a tenant on your lease, he may have the same obligations as you do (ie: responsibility to pay the rent etc).
If you just went to the courthouse and said my BF lives with me but isn't on the lease can I evict him now - they may not have bothered to ask you the right questions.
Anyway, I'm just throwing some ideas out there. You really need to speak to someone who knows tenant law.
Now aside from all that, you have been held hostage in that apartment for long enough don't you think? You are living with an abuser who thinks he can call all the shots. Well, in fact he can't.
I'll tell you what I would do. I would rent a U-Haul tomorrow (no waiting until Monday or next weekend etc), get some friends to help (or hire someone off kijiji for heavier lifting) and pack everything I own in to that U-haul. I would then walk out and go stay with my parents (you may have to rent a storage space for your things if the don't have room).
I'd then let the landlord know what you have done and why.
Not sure how this will affect your work situation but if your parents are too far away perhaps you could move in with a friend for a month or so?
It's might actually have mr. attitude running out the door.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
Thank you for your response. Although I was told about this ridiculous 60day law, I am making other attempts/ preparation to leave asap. I understand there really is no easy way out. I have to pull my weight or else.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Yuk - sounds awful. And painful to be in the midst of this. Are you safe? His bullying is abusive, even if he's never gotten physically violent with you.
Maybe calling the Domestic Violence Shelter for legal advice/resources to get him out will help?
https://www.thehotline.org
They will understand what you're going through.
They even have a LIVE CHAT option. You can ask them for who to call for advice on how to handle this in your state.
If you feel safe enough to proceed without DV counseling maybe take some other steps.
Can you figure out how to get that small bit of time off from work to attend the court session? It doesn't sound like you'd need to be out of work the whole day. Or maybe call in sick for one day and go to that session and try to get a few other things done? I understand if you have a job that is rigid, but don't tell yourself, "No." Ask and see if someone really says no.
Your parents live nearby? You're not married to this guy so could you have your parents (or at least your father, or a brother, or male friend or two (it is sad but true that bullying men behave TOTALLY differently towards women when there is a man present) come and be with you while you explain that he has until the 1st of September (or whatever) to be packed and gone? Have one of your support people reiterate "The relationship is over, the lease is in your name, he has to move out."
Can you consider breaking the lease and moving yourself? If you've been a tenant in good standing and you explain the seriousness of the situation many landlords are actually helpful and will work with you, it never hurts to ask. Again, don't assume "No." Let them tell you no.
Lastly but most importantly - I am really sad and sorry to hear about your cat. Having loved and said goodbye to a few cats in my life I know how sad it is. Sick animals really pull at your heart and when you are having to deal with this crazy bs from an alcoholic you must just be on your last nerve. Can you at least escape frequently to your parents for some respite and time with kitty?
He should be happy - the relationship's over, he can move on and drink his fool head off and never hear you complain about his drinking again!
Peace,
B.
Maybe calling the Domestic Violence Shelter for legal advice/resources to get him out will help?
https://www.thehotline.org
They will understand what you're going through.
They even have a LIVE CHAT option. You can ask them for who to call for advice on how to handle this in your state.
If you feel safe enough to proceed without DV counseling maybe take some other steps.
Can you figure out how to get that small bit of time off from work to attend the court session? It doesn't sound like you'd need to be out of work the whole day. Or maybe call in sick for one day and go to that session and try to get a few other things done? I understand if you have a job that is rigid, but don't tell yourself, "No." Ask and see if someone really says no.
Your parents live nearby? You're not married to this guy so could you have your parents (or at least your father, or a brother, or male friend or two (it is sad but true that bullying men behave TOTALLY differently towards women when there is a man present) come and be with you while you explain that he has until the 1st of September (or whatever) to be packed and gone? Have one of your support people reiterate "The relationship is over, the lease is in your name, he has to move out."
Can you consider breaking the lease and moving yourself? If you've been a tenant in good standing and you explain the seriousness of the situation many landlords are actually helpful and will work with you, it never hurts to ask. Again, don't assume "No." Let them tell you no.
Lastly but most importantly - I am really sad and sorry to hear about your cat. Having loved and said goodbye to a few cats in my life I know how sad it is. Sick animals really pull at your heart and when you are having to deal with this crazy bs from an alcoholic you must just be on your last nerve. Can you at least escape frequently to your parents for some respite and time with kitty?
He should be happy - the relationship's over, he can move on and drink his fool head off and never hear you complain about his drinking again!
Peace,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC 
“But for now by law I am trapped for 60days more of hell.”
No one, your boyfriend... not even the law... is the final decision-maker for YOUR life and the decisions that you make.
Yes, you are going through a very turbulent relationship. Yes, he’s an addict and definitely has abusive tendencies/actions. But no, you do NOT need to stay there for 60 days... regardless of your lease or what anyone tells you.
Is it easy... hell no. Is it fair... absolutely NOT. But your safety, sanity & well being are & should be the #1 priority.
There are options.
Options come when the mind opens up to opportunity. Right now, there’s just an overwhelming sadness and yes, a trapped vision for yourself.
But I truly believe... if you want something bad enough... you’ll find a way... to save yourself. Hey, I can say that after leaving an abusive, alcoholic relationship 3 months ago with absolutely nothing. I mean, NOTHING. I had no home or family... about $60 in my wallet. I cried for weeks but just kept moving forward... taking small jobs, asking friends for a couch... pet sitting for people, and yep... I even lived in a small tent in a city park. Not safe but I knew I was moving forward.
Point being... I’m glad you’re posting again. I’m glad you’re here. Answers will come. Lots of solid advice & support will come your way. All of us have been through our “version of hell” with our alcoholic partners/relationships. Breakthrough will happen...
Hang in there.
No one, your boyfriend... not even the law... is the final decision-maker for YOUR life and the decisions that you make.
Yes, you are going through a very turbulent relationship. Yes, he’s an addict and definitely has abusive tendencies/actions. But no, you do NOT need to stay there for 60 days... regardless of your lease or what anyone tells you.
Is it easy... hell no. Is it fair... absolutely NOT. But your safety, sanity & well being are & should be the #1 priority.
There are options.
Options come when the mind opens up to opportunity. Right now, there’s just an overwhelming sadness and yes, a trapped vision for yourself.
But I truly believe... if you want something bad enough... you’ll find a way... to save yourself. Hey, I can say that after leaving an abusive, alcoholic relationship 3 months ago with absolutely nothing. I mean, NOTHING. I had no home or family... about $60 in my wallet. I cried for weeks but just kept moving forward... taking small jobs, asking friends for a couch... pet sitting for people, and yep... I even lived in a small tent in a city park. Not safe but I knew I was moving forward.
Point being... I’m glad you’re posting again. I’m glad you’re here. Answers will come. Lots of solid advice & support will come your way. All of us have been through our “version of hell” with our alcoholic partners/relationships. Breakthrough will happen...
Hang in there.
Originally Posted by Bernadette
Yuk - sounds awful. And painful to be in the midst of this. Are you safe? His bullying is abusive, even if he's never gotten physically violent with you.
Maybe calling the Domestic Violence Shelter for legal advice/resources to get him out will help?
https://www.thehotline.org
They will understand what you're going through.
They even have a LIVE CHAT option. You can ask them for who to call for advice on how to handle this in your state.
If you feel safe enough to proceed without DV counseling maybe take some other steps.
Can you figure out how to get that small bit of time off from work to attend the court session? It doesn't sound like you'd need to be out of work the whole day. Or maybe call in sick for one day and go to that session and try to get a few other things done? I understand if you have a job that is rigid, but don't tell yourself, "No." Ask and see if someone really says no.
Your parents live nearby? You're not married to this guy so could you have your parents (or at least your father, or a brother, or male friend or two (it is sad but true that bullying men behave TOTALLY differently towards women when there is a man present) come and be with you while you explain that he has until the 1st of September (or whatever) to be packed and gone? Have one of your support people reiterate "The relationship is over, the lease is in your name, he has to move out."
Can you consider breaking the lease and moving yourself? If you've been a tenant in good standing and you explain the seriousness of the situation many landlords are actually helpful and will work with you, it never hurts to ask. Again, don't assume "No." Let them tell you no.
Lastly but most importantly - I am really sad and sorry to hear about your cat. Having loved and said goodbye to a few cats in my life I know how sad it is. Sick animals really pull at your heart and when you are having to deal with this crazy bs from an alcoholic you must just be on your last nerve. Can you at least escape frequently to your parents for some respite and time with kitty?
He should be happy - the relationship's over, he can move on and drink his fool head off and never hear you complain about his drinking again!
Peace,
B.
Maybe calling the Domestic Violence Shelter for legal advice/resources to get him out will help?
https://www.thehotline.org
They will understand what you're going through.
They even have a LIVE CHAT option. You can ask them for who to call for advice on how to handle this in your state.
If you feel safe enough to proceed without DV counseling maybe take some other steps.
Can you figure out how to get that small bit of time off from work to attend the court session? It doesn't sound like you'd need to be out of work the whole day. Or maybe call in sick for one day and go to that session and try to get a few other things done? I understand if you have a job that is rigid, but don't tell yourself, "No." Ask and see if someone really says no.
Your parents live nearby? You're not married to this guy so could you have your parents (or at least your father, or a brother, or male friend or two (it is sad but true that bullying men behave TOTALLY differently towards women when there is a man present) come and be with you while you explain that he has until the 1st of September (or whatever) to be packed and gone? Have one of your support people reiterate "The relationship is over, the lease is in your name, he has to move out."
Can you consider breaking the lease and moving yourself? If you've been a tenant in good standing and you explain the seriousness of the situation many landlords are actually helpful and will work with you, it never hurts to ask. Again, don't assume "No." Let them tell you no.
Lastly but most importantly - I am really sad and sorry to hear about your cat. Having loved and said goodbye to a few cats in my life I know how sad it is. Sick animals really pull at your heart and when you are having to deal with this crazy bs from an alcoholic you must just be on your last nerve. Can you at least escape frequently to your parents for some respite and time with kitty?
He should be happy - the relationship's over, he can move on and drink his fool head off and never hear you complain about his drinking again!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
He can't put down you and your family to you if you leave the room.
You are not a prisoner, you are not a hostage (although he treats you like one).
Have you contacted the Domestic Violence Hotline?
https://www.thehotline.org/help/
They are open 24 hours a day. What is happening to you is abuse amusic, please don't hesitate to reach out for help from them.
You are not a prisoner, you are not a hostage (although he treats you like one).
Have you contacted the Domestic Violence Hotline?
https://www.thehotline.org/help/
They are open 24 hours a day. What is happening to you is abuse amusic, please don't hesitate to reach out for help from them.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello amusic,
Yes, the tenant/landlord stuff is the same where I live. My late husband had to provide his adult son who was not.on.the.mortgage.at.all with 30-days written notice, file it with the court. Then, if he did not leave at the end of the 30-days, the police could escort the young man off the premises.
I'm sorry you are going through all this...I hope you can find ways to stay away from home as much as possible. Hang in there!!!
Yes, the tenant/landlord stuff is the same where I live. My late husband had to provide his adult son who was not.on.the.mortgage.at.all with 30-days written notice, file it with the court. Then, if he did not leave at the end of the 30-days, the police could escort the young man off the premises.
I'm sorry you are going through all this...I hope you can find ways to stay away from home as much as possible. Hang in there!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
It makes me happy to hear that you can go to
your parents to stay and have their amazing
support on your side. Hang onto them tightly
and dont let go.
Id give him the apt.. Get your name off the lease.
Just give it to him so that you can cut ties from
him and move as far away from this sickness that
affects so many involved.
You have a right to grow and be as happy as
you can for yourself and future because you
are that important.
Cutting off all verbal communication with him,
including emails, text messages, voicemail...allows
you to remove the emotional part of this relationship
to end.
It was something I did when going thru my divorce
yrs ago. Not having to speak to him allowing all legal
stuff to the lawyers was the easier, softer more efficient
way to end our divorce peacefully.
Anyway....I just wanted to pass on my thoughts
to you if helpful or not and to send support, care
and understanding your way.
your parents to stay and have their amazing
support on your side. Hang onto them tightly
and dont let go.
Id give him the apt.. Get your name off the lease.
Just give it to him so that you can cut ties from
him and move as far away from this sickness that
affects so many involved.
You have a right to grow and be as happy as
you can for yourself and future because you
are that important.
Cutting off all verbal communication with him,
including emails, text messages, voicemail...allows
you to remove the emotional part of this relationship
to end.
It was something I did when going thru my divorce
yrs ago. Not having to speak to him allowing all legal
stuff to the lawyers was the easier, softer more efficient
way to end our divorce peacefully.
Anyway....I just wanted to pass on my thoughts
to you if helpful or not and to send support, care
and understanding your way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
I swear everything you said I’m living. A kind soul on here said their mind is like a tornado, stay away or you get sucked in with the havoc. My heart goes out to you, I know what you’re going thru. Staying away helps. Do what you can to keep the focus on you. Hugs...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hey there friend.
I want to echo Bernadette an trailmix's recommendation of contacting the Domestic Violence hotline ASAP (https://www.thehotline.org/help/). You are in an abusive relationship, and you will need professional help extracting yourself from it, particularly the legal support they can help provide. It's well past time to stop thinking you can reason with him to get out of this, and to stop trying to do this by yourself. It's not working, and your situation is getting desperate.
In the meantime, if staying with your parents is an option, then is there a reason you need to go back to your apartment at 4:30 in the morning every time you do? Can you pack a bag of work clothes and overnight things to leave with Mom and Dad?
I am so sorry about your cat, friend.
I want to echo Bernadette an trailmix's recommendation of contacting the Domestic Violence hotline ASAP (https://www.thehotline.org/help/). You are in an abusive relationship, and you will need professional help extracting yourself from it, particularly the legal support they can help provide. It's well past time to stop thinking you can reason with him to get out of this, and to stop trying to do this by yourself. It's not working, and your situation is getting desperate.
In the meantime, if staying with your parents is an option, then is there a reason you need to go back to your apartment at 4:30 in the morning every time you do? Can you pack a bag of work clothes and overnight things to leave with Mom and Dad?
I am so sorry about your cat, friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
I swear everything you said I’m living. A kind soul on here said their mind is like a tornado, stay away or you get sucked in with the havoc. My heart goes out to you, I know what you’re going thru. Staying away helps. Do what you can to keep the focus on you. Hugs...
This Morning I was sitting by myself thinking and I just feel like my mind is like scrambled eggs. I keep thinking of everything while at the same time trying not to think of anything. I'm doing my best to stay out of the danger zone. This morning when I came back from the gym he came out of the bedroom and asked me if I ever want to get along since all I want to do is fight. I was speechless, this is his sick and twisted way of placing the blame on me and not taking one damn look at himself. Last night when I came home , he held the door shut and wouldn't let me in. He was drunk then he started punching the wall and yelling so I left and sat in my car for a couple of hours. This is becoming the new ritual , it was too late for me to go over to my parents place. I'm zapped of energy, but I'll get out somehow. I'm sorry you are going through this same kind of hell. It really blows my mind when I really stop and think what is happening, its surreal, I absolutely can't believe this is how I've been living.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Amusic
I'm zapped of energy, but I'll get out somehow. I'm sorry you are going through this same kind of hell. It really blows my mind when I really stop and think what is happening, its surreal, I absolutely can't believe this is how I've been living.
You are given opportunities to leave, you have had opportunity to get a restraining order on him but haven't.
Did you file the paperwork to evict him?
Last night with him barring you from your own residence and being violent, you should have called the police, that may have been another opportunity for a restraining order?
Perhaps this story will resonate (not judging you by the way!)
I sent you two boats and a helicopter
This is a story of a man, who was a firm believer of god.
One day it began to rain very heavily. It kept raining and a big flood came.
The man climbed up on the roof of his house, and knew that he would be ok. God would protect him.
It kept raining and now the water had reached his waist. A boat came by and a guy in the boat said: “Hey, jump in. We will take you with us”.
“No thanks”, said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will rescue me”. He sent the boat away.
It kept on raining and now the water had reached his neck. Another boat came by and a guy in the boat said: “You look like you could need some help. Jump in and we will take you with us”.
“No”, said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will rescue me. Don’t worry about me”. The boat sailed away.
It still rained and the water now reached his mouth. A helicopter came by and a guy in the helicopter threw down a rope and said: “Hi there my friend. Climb up. We will rescue you”.
“No”, said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will rescue me. I know he will”. The helicopter flew away.
It kept on raining, and finally the man drowned.
When the man died, he went to heaven. When entering Heaven, he had an interview with God.
After giving a polite greeting and sitting down, the man asked: “Where were you. I waited and waited. I was sure you would rescue me, as I have been a firm believer all my life, and have only done good to others. So where were you when I needed you?”
God scratched his confused looking face and answered: “I don’t get it either. I sent you two boats and a helicopter”.
Many who believe in God or in Karma etc. somehow believe that signs of help and guidance comes as a big event of some kind, when actually it would probably come as small signs of help here and there along the way.
Listen to the world around you. You might just find the answer there.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Amusic
This Morning I was sitting by myself thinking and I just feel like my mind is like scrambled eggs. I keep thinking of everything while at the same time trying not to think of anything. I'm doing my best to stay out of the danger zone. This morning when I came back from the gym he came out of the bedroom and asked me if I ever want to get along since all I want to do is fight. I was speechless, this is his sick and twisted way of placing the blame on me and not taking one damn look at himself. Last night when I came home , he held the door shut and wouldn't let me in. He was drunk then he started punching the wall and yelling so I left and sat in my car for a couple of hours. This is becoming the new ritual , it was too late for me to go over to my parents place. I'm zapped of energy, but I'll get out somehow. I'm sorry you are going through this same kind of hell. It really blows my mind when I really stop and think what is happening, its surreal, I absolutely can't believe this is how I've been living.
ive heard those exact words, word for word. Any conversation that has a question for him is an argument, not a conversation. There really is no talking to him, unless I’m listening to his stuff. All he really needs is a blow up doll that nods once in awhile. Hang tight, try to stay away from him, it does help. When the waves of tears come left them flow. I fully believe we need to feel the extent of this experience so that we NEVER repeat it again. My heart goes out to you. ❤️
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
“Last night when I came home, he held the door shut and wouldn't let me in. He was drunk then he started punching the wall and yelling so I left and sat in my car for a couple of hours. This is becoming the new ritual...”
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Sorry but all this is unacceptable. It’s also unacceptable that after your drunk & abusive boyfriend stopped you from entering YOUR own apartment... you left, without calling the police... and then assumed it was too late to go stay at your parents’ place?
Ugh. Not blaming you. Worried about you! Just hoping that once you look back on this... you’ll demand more for yourself going forward.
If it’s YOUR apartment and he does anything similar to that again, I’m hoping you find the courage to call the police!
—
Sorry but all this is unacceptable. It’s also unacceptable that after your drunk & abusive boyfriend stopped you from entering YOUR own apartment... you left, without calling the police... and then assumed it was too late to go stay at your parents’ place?
Ugh. Not blaming you. Worried about you! Just hoping that once you look back on this... you’ll demand more for yourself going forward.
If it’s YOUR apartment and he does anything similar to that again, I’m hoping you find the courage to call the police!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I would agree with others here.
Punching walls and denying access is violence and intimidation.
Please report what's going on to the police.
It sounds like it is escalating, and you need to be safe.
Get some confidential legal advice and support from your local DV organization--knowledge is power and will move things along much faster
than going it alone.
There also needs to be record of what's happening for legal reasons.
You may not need to wait for eviction with him acting this way.
Punching walls and denying access is violence and intimidation.
Please report what's going on to the police.
It sounds like it is escalating, and you need to be safe.
Get some confidential legal advice and support from your local DV organization--knowledge is power and will move things along much faster
than going it alone.
There also needs to be record of what's happening for legal reasons.
You may not need to wait for eviction with him acting this way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Amusic
This Morning I was sitting by myself thinking and I just feel like my mind is like scrambled eggs. I keep thinking of everything while at the same time trying not to think of anything. I'm doing my best to stay out of the danger zone. This morning when I came back from the gym he came out of the bedroom and asked me if I ever want to get along since all I want to do is fight. I was speechless, this is his sick and twisted way of placing the blame on me and not taking one damn look at himself. Last night when I came home , he held the door shut and wouldn't let me in. He was drunk then he started punching the wall and yelling so I left and sat in my car for a couple of hours. This is becoming the new ritual , it was too late for me to go over to my parents place. I'm zapped of energy, but I'll get out somehow. I'm sorry you are going through this same kind of hell. It really blows my mind when I really stop and think what is happening, its surreal, I absolutely can't believe this is how I've been living.
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