Cat on a hot tin roof
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
There was a guy who used to post on here and he was a very blunt fellow. He was a former army engineer and he had a really bad situation with his alcoholic wife and was trying to keep the family together and protect his kids.
It was when I first came to SR and one of the first posts I read was him suggesting to a person whose alcoholic spouse kept verbally abusing them.
He said that monkeys will sometime throw their poop at people who go see them in open cages. He suggested that this person step back out of "poop range" or they would get covered in sh-t. I never forgot that as I was getting regularly poop-covered by my alcoholic mother at that time.
In the end I did step back and found life much easier. Like you, my instincts told me I was getting to the end of my rope and approaching despair.
Like you, I felt wounded and a shell of my former self from all of it.
I still had to navigate in her perimeter somewhat as she could no longer manage anything for herself anymore--but I kept it minimal, detached emotionally, and outsourced all the care and direct contact things I could.
But once she was out of my life--she died from her addictions to smoking an drinking in the end--I slowly began to heal. To feel my well-of-self start gradually to fill. Of course, by then my own alcohol addiction was growing as I had a kind of PTSD from her abuse and constant hospitalizations, tantrums, crisis, and neediness, so perhaps I was bailing just about as fast as I was filling.
But anyway, the longer I was free of her constant demands for attention and indulgence, the more I saw the truth of her manipulation and abuse and it really hurt but also freed me to realize I had nothing to feel guilty about.
Adults can make their own decisions--even the decision to destroy themselves with drink if they choose.
But we don't have to go down with them or even witness it--and when you love another person that much it is soul-shattering to watch. We can step back with honor and love ourselves enough to find safety and get out of poop-zone. Trust your instincts and do just that.
PS I think you are right about him sneaking drinks from what you've said. Your instincts can be trusted more than what an alcoholic says.
It was when I first came to SR and one of the first posts I read was him suggesting to a person whose alcoholic spouse kept verbally abusing them.
He said that monkeys will sometime throw their poop at people who go see them in open cages. He suggested that this person step back out of "poop range" or they would get covered in sh-t. I never forgot that as I was getting regularly poop-covered by my alcoholic mother at that time.
In the end I did step back and found life much easier. Like you, my instincts told me I was getting to the end of my rope and approaching despair.
Like you, I felt wounded and a shell of my former self from all of it.
I still had to navigate in her perimeter somewhat as she could no longer manage anything for herself anymore--but I kept it minimal, detached emotionally, and outsourced all the care and direct contact things I could.
But once she was out of my life--she died from her addictions to smoking an drinking in the end--I slowly began to heal. To feel my well-of-self start gradually to fill. Of course, by then my own alcohol addiction was growing as I had a kind of PTSD from her abuse and constant hospitalizations, tantrums, crisis, and neediness, so perhaps I was bailing just about as fast as I was filling.
But anyway, the longer I was free of her constant demands for attention and indulgence, the more I saw the truth of her manipulation and abuse and it really hurt but also freed me to realize I had nothing to feel guilty about.
Adults can make their own decisions--even the decision to destroy themselves with drink if they choose.
But we don't have to go down with them or even witness it--and when you love another person that much it is soul-shattering to watch. We can step back with honor and love ourselves enough to find safety and get out of poop-zone. Trust your instincts and do just that.
PS I think you are right about him sneaking drinks from what you've said. Your instincts can be trusted more than what an alcoholic says.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Sounds like opportunity came and knocked on your door today.
This would truly be a great adventure D!
I hope you choose to go.
This would truly be a great adventure D!
I hope you choose to go.
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I’m away and trying to center. The AH texts me if I’m ok. I simply say yes, I’m honoring my wounds and emotional pain. He asks a flippant question “what’s your inner child doing?” And He then starts to quote Buddha that pain is inevitable but suffering optional. I guess I’m suppose to be all better. I simply say healing is imperative and he then apologized for bothering me. I don’t think I’m over reacting because I feel so badly. I needed to be away from him, but now I wonder if I’m being overly sensitive....
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Would love to. I have many many former students there 
Gotta work a few more years, but if I were you I wouldn't miss such a wonderful opportunity to see some of the most amazing parts of the world with your son.
VIP on a ship means serious comfort. Carpe Diem dear lady
Gotta work a few more years, but if I were you I wouldn't miss such a wonderful opportunity to see some of the most amazing parts of the world with your son.
VIP on a ship means serious comfort. Carpe Diem dear lady
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Would love to. I have many many former students there
Gotta work a few more years, but if I were you I wouldn't miss such a wonderful opportunity to see some of the most amazing parts of the world with your son.
VIP on a ship means serious comfort. Carpe Diem dear lady
Gotta work a few more years, but if I were you I wouldn't miss such a wonderful opportunity to see some of the most amazing parts of the world with your son.
VIP on a ship means serious comfort. Carpe Diem dear lady
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Went back for a minute to take care of the dog. AH was playing music and packing. Humming, washing clothes....he simply said “it’s gotta be done”. Glad he’s handling it all so well, I’m feeling better but struggling. I know I’m supposed to keep the focus on me, but man this hurts. Back out again....
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On my way out I asked him what he thinks happened to us...he did not blame alcohol, he did not take responsibility for the madness of drinking, or breaking the windows, he simply shrugged and said, I don’t have an answer. It’s sad, it doesn’t have to be this way. I’m going to get boxes...he is STILL still protecting alcohol...it’s unbelievable to me. Then asked me if I wanted to go for a Sunday drive with him tomorrow....I just can’t believe this....
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