Eerie
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Eerie
So yesterday was AH first day in outpatient treatment. Before he left he told me how he will always love me. Then he left. Upon his return he said nothing. Disappeared upstairs for awhile. Cooked his dinner said nothing. Shed some tears, silent all night. Went to bed early. This morning same, no talking, no badgering, he is silent, eating his breakfast getting ready for his A.A. meeting....silent. I’m not knocking it, it’s just eerie. Almost like he is mad at ME for something. It’s unreal. I’m going to take the silence as a gift but wondering if anyone has insight into this kind of shut down behavior for no apparent reason?
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Keep in mind, he is a heavy addict. His mind is reeling. His body wants to use and he is fighting that off. He has a lot of work in front of him, and that's a lot to absorb.
Just my two cents. I too would enjoy the peace.
Just my two cents. I too would enjoy the peace.
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Maybe he finally understands when I told him I don’t want anything to do with alcoholism anymore. I don’t want to know about alcoholics, and police, and hospitals and the constant sorrow that drinking brings. Maybe he heard me when I said I can’t live like this anymore. Maybe he finally gets it tgat I’m really going to divorce him and he has to leave. He took his wedding ring off last night too. He had it on before he left for treatment. Maybe he came to the conclusion IM the problem in his life. He just seems mad. I don’t understand the sudden change.
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Recovery is basically taking away everything you know and think you need to survive so you can replace it with something you don't have yet and just have to trust will show up when you need it. It's a very scary proposition. And it's a path that is walked alone.
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Honestly, I have said this before and I will say it again. He did not choose recovery until you said divorce and he believed you. He likely is mad that he is going to all this effort and it's not manipulating you into staying the way he thought. He is mad he cannot drink. He is mad he got himself into this mess. He's an addict. His thinking is not rational.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Honestly, I have said this before and I will say it again. He did not choose recovery until you said divorce and he believed you. He likely is mad that he is going to all this effort and it's not manipulating you into staying the way he thought. He is mad he cannot drink. He is mad he got himself into this mess. He's an addict. His thinking is not rational.
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Honestly, Dazed, it's possible his change in attitude has nothing to do with you. He's just seen a glimpse of what could be, if he chooses to give it a go, the fight of his life. It wouldn't suprise me if that's why he's gone silent.
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
The roller coaster. It’s been all apologies and conversation to reconcile, then one treatment session and he shut down. Eerie.
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Sazed….another poster, on here, just posted that her alcoholic had his first day, also. and came home with the same kind of reaction.....very quiet.....
Most likely....he is thinking about the material presented in the sessions and is processing this his mind....
My recommendation----give the man pleanty of space.....try to keep your mind on your own things and avoid being a helicoptering partner.....
Stay out of his head.....all that will do is keep your anxiety level up.....
Most likely....he is thinking about the material presented in the sessions and is processing this his mind....
My recommendation----give the man pleanty of space.....try to keep your mind on your own things and avoid being a helicoptering partner.....
Stay out of his head.....all that will do is keep your anxiety level up.....
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Sazed….another poster, on here, just posted that her alcoholic had his first day, also. and came home with the same kind of reaction.....very quiet.....
Most likely....he is thinking about the material presented in the sessions and is processing this his mind....
My recommendation----give the man pleanty of space.....try to keep your mind on your own things and avoid being a helicoptering partner.....
Stay out of his head.....all that will do is keep your anxiety level up.....
Most likely....he is thinking about the material presented in the sessions and is processing this his mind....
My recommendation----give the man pleanty of space.....try to keep your mind on your own things and avoid being a helicoptering partner.....
Stay out of his head.....all that will do is keep your anxiety level up.....
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I experienced silence, depression & miserableness on every, first days, of abstinence.
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
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If he stays sober it's going to be a bumpy ride for a while, especially the first three months. I described being sober as similar to 24/7 PMS in a full moon. Of course he's depressed, he just lost his best friend and higher power, at least that's the way he sees it now. The thing is once an alcoholic stops drinking he/she is still an alcoholic: "if you take alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you still have a horse thief." Recovery is a lifelong process and change takes much longer than any of us think.
He may relapse -- it's common in early recovery and that doesn't mean he won't -- or will -- stop. He's till going through withdrawal, which takes months to disappear in heavy drinkers. I suggest Alanon for you to take the focus off him.
He may relapse -- it's common in early recovery and that doesn't mean he won't -- or will -- stop. He's till going through withdrawal, which takes months to disappear in heavy drinkers. I suggest Alanon for you to take the focus off him.
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Originally Posted by Noodler
I experienced silence, depression & miserableness on every, first days, of abstinence.
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
If he stays sober it's going to be a bumpy ride for a while, especially the first three months. I described being sober as similar to 24/7 PMS in a full moon. Of course he's depressed, he just lost his best friend and higher power, at least that's the way he sees it now. The thing is once an alcoholic stops drinking he/she is still an alcoholic: "if you take alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you still have a horse thief." Recovery is a lifelong process and change takes much longer than any of us think.
He may relapse -- it's common in early recovery and that doesn't mean he won't -- or will -- stop. He's till going through withdrawal, which takes months to disappear in heavy drinkers. I suggest Alanon for you to take the focus off him.
He may relapse -- it's common in early recovery and that doesn't mean he won't -- or will -- stop. He's till going through withdrawal, which takes months to disappear in heavy drinkers. I suggest Alanon for you to take the focus off him.
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Originally Posted by Noodler
I experienced silence, depression & miserableness on every, first days, of abstinence.
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
I now interpret that as simply what it is...AH wants a drink & he Carnt, not today anyway. Each one may be diff...but basically the rot is setting in for him, shall he or sharnt he...and that’s all he can think about and hes quietly annoyed he has to make that decision. Nothing else.
I made many mistakes trying to break that silence...nothing worked well.
xxxx
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