Difference
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Difference
Here’s the basic difference between my AH and myself. He tells me a story about a guy who lost his kids for drug dealing. He works hard to get his kids back and he does. He then goes back to drug dealing and AH tells me that the A.A. people go over to his place to clean it, check in the kids, and feed them. I say, why are they doing that? He says they are trying to help him keep his kids. I say, get the kids out of that situation and call the police. AH says no, helping him is ok. Very. Very. Different.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Yup. It's ridiculous. Children are lost in a world of addicts left unprotected. It's very sad.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes. Thinks like this make my blood boil. I am with you.
so much for recovery and support for that. I have no respect for people like that...he seems to think they are great and I’m the one with the problem. Unbelievable!
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
so much for recovery and support for that. I have no respect for people like that...he seems to think they are great and I’m the one with the problem. Unbelievable!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
I don't buy your AH's story one bit. In fact, it reeks of BS. I think he either misunderstood what he heard, or left out some VERY pertinent information. I have a very hard time believing any AA with even half a brain would be going to bat for an active addict or alcoholic of any stripe who isn't trying to work a program. It pretty much goes against everything in the Big Book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by honeypig
Who knows if that story has any truth to it? I mean, active alcoholics/addicts are not known for their sterling honesty...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
He isn't fighting you, DC. He is fighting change.
If your ringside seat were empty, he would still be fighting it. You just wouldn't have to watch.
If your ringside seat were empty, he would still be fighting it. You just wouldn't have to watch.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Your husband's goal here is to maintain the status quo. He wants things to go back to the way they were.
To keep the things he is losing he would have to change. And his addiction does not want him to do that.
To keep the things he is losing he would have to change. And his addiction does not want him to do that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Your husband's goal here is to maintain the status quo. He wants things to go back to the way they were.
To keep the things he is losing he would have to change. And his addiction does not want him to do that.
To keep the things he is losing he would have to change. And his addiction does not want him to do that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
More importantly, as hard as it is to recognize and accept, this is a war he is fighting with his addiction, not with you. It is so easy to take the things he does personally, as if he choosing between you and drinking, but his addiction is telling him there is no choice. I hope one day he can realize that his addiction is a liar, but I can't encourage you to wait for that to happen.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
I say, it’s time for you BOTH to give eachother space & distance. All this is unhealthy for you... & him. At some point, no one person is more to blame. How is any conversation helpful or clear with an active alcoholic anyhow???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
You would think.
My mother quit drinking years before she died this past January. Nothing changed for her except the absence of booze, not in all of those years. She never developed new coping mechanisms for uncomfortable feelings, she never repaired relationships damaged by her alcoholism, she never tried to make a better life for herself.
So, sure. She quit drinking. But she never recovered.
My mother quit drinking years before she died this past January. Nothing changed for her except the absence of booze, not in all of those years. She never developed new coping mechanisms for uncomfortable feelings, she never repaired relationships damaged by her alcoholism, she never tried to make a better life for herself.
So, sure. She quit drinking. But she never recovered.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
An alcoholic who wants to drink but can't is indeed a miserable person to have to be around. That's why recovery is so important. There isn't much point to physical sobriety if the rotten behavior and attitudes continue. I second the poster who suggested some space between the two of you. You deserve a little peace and sanity. And unfortunately, most alcoholics and addicts don't change until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
