Self esteem
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
What I posted wasn't really clear, I'm not concerned with his resentments either lol
I meant yours, only because it doesn't serve a good purpose for you, nothing more.
I meant yours, only because it doesn't serve a good purpose for you, nothing more.
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Originally Posted by Blueskies18
I like his goals. I think that when we love someone we can support their personal goals and take care of ourselves at the same time. With making self care number one. There are many paths to recovery , I don’t think , and based on research I’m aware of, piling extra shame and self-contempt on top of what’s already there is not particularly helpful.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Pdm…..along these lines.....I recommend, to you, one of the most thought provoking books that I have ever read on the subject....(it covers self esteem and more)…..It is very scholarly and thoroughly researched book....and, hit the psychology world like a bomb.....It was a runner-up for the Pulitzer Prize.....
I think you would enjoy it....
lOL….like everything else, I read it when my children were already grown up!....sigh....
It would be fascinating reading for anyone who is raising children, I think.....and, especially for the reason that everything that happens with our children doesn't and shouldn't be laid on the mother (or parents) alone....there is a LOT more, to it....
the title is "The Nurture Assumption--Why Children Turn Out The Way That They Do"....by Judith Rich Harris....
I think you would enjoy it....
lOL….like everything else, I read it when my children were already grown up!....sigh....
It would be fascinating reading for anyone who is raising children, I think.....and, especially for the reason that everything that happens with our children doesn't and shouldn't be laid on the mother (or parents) alone....there is a LOT more, to it....
the title is "The Nurture Assumption--Why Children Turn Out The Way That They Do"....by Judith Rich Harris....
Makes me think of the Stayner brothers. Remember them? Steven was the one kidnapped in the early 70s and sexually abused throughout his whole childhood by that wackjob pedophile, and he escaped when he rescued another child to safety when he was a teenager (died in ‘89 in a motorcycle crash). And his brother Cary was the Yosemite serial killer in the 90s. Weird they were so different..and imagine being those parents :/. I’ll see if any of the libraries around here have that book.
(pardon for the sidetracking, Dazedandconfused)
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I did not know that about Staynor brothers..
Originally Posted by pdm22
That looks really good, I just read the amazon reviews. To me people are a combo of innate personality traits, upbringing/ family of origin and culture/ life experiences, more or less. It’s always interesting to get a different take on things.
Makes me think of the Stayner brothers. Remember them? Steven was the one kidnapped in the early 70s and sexually abused throughout his whole childhood by that wackjob pedophile, and he escaped when he rescued another child to safety when he was a teenager (died in ‘89 in a motorcycle crash). And his brother Cary was the Yosemite serial killer in the 90s. Weird they were so different..and imagine being those parents :/. I’ll see if any of the libraries around here have that book.
(pardon for the sidetracking, Dazedandconfused)
Makes me think of the Stayner brothers. Remember them? Steven was the one kidnapped in the early 70s and sexually abused throughout his whole childhood by that wackjob pedophile, and he escaped when he rescued another child to safety when he was a teenager (died in ‘89 in a motorcycle crash). And his brother Cary was the Yosemite serial killer in the 90s. Weird they were so different..and imagine being those parents :/. I’ll see if any of the libraries around here have that book.
(pardon for the sidetracking, Dazedandconfused)
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Originally Posted by Milano58
A friend of mine said.. Its not the experiences that define you. It's how you react to them. He may have been paraphrasing Jesus or the Dali Lama. But your soon to be EXAH is a jumbled mess right now. And yes absolutely, you've had a front seat through his relapse hell. Now do you want a front seat in his recovery hell too? It's so very hard to detach when you scream for somebody to recover. I think it's even harder if you hold onto the anger.. Cos man, that's one addictive feeling. It starts off feeling good to be angry. And it serves its purpose for a time. I literally bounce between anger and not giving a flying fudge. But being angry hurts me in the long term. I get IBS.. My writing style sux. Don't give that man the power to keep you angry. He has no power over you. You said no to his drinking... Man you are one strong woman. His recovery is just another crazy train. Detach your carriage. Park it by the ocean. Tell him to come find you in a year when his recovery actually has a shadow! And enjoy YOU now. Stop giving a fudge (yes I know there's no off switch). Detach!!!!
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