LovePeaceSushi

Yesterday evening, AH said he was waiting to meet up with 2 clients to sign some paperwork and they were all supposed to meet at a steakhouse to do so. 2 hours later, he says the 2 clients hadn't shown yet, but he was going to meet one of the parties for dinner all the way across town. (Like, 30 min. away)....didn't get home until 9:30, drunk.

This afternoon, same thing. He told me he's got to "wait out that way" for when they get done with their meeting so he can get his listing agreements signed. Now, he has no idea when their meeting is going to be done or what the result of that meeting will be. But he is going to just sit in a bank parking lot that is right by a New Orleans restaurant that AH used to drink at. I sat there and watched the little Life 360 dot travel from the parking lot next door to the bar. (YES, I was creeping on him and not staying on my side of the street!)

Really? Like.....if you're going to drink, just DRINK! In fact, if you're going to drink, go buy an effing bottle, so you're (WE'RE) not paying $12 a drink.

I just saw the crosswalk sign come on......going back to my side of the street now. :

FWN

AnvilheadII

i get it, LPS! i think sometimes we check (or snoop or stalk) in the hopes that MAYBE this time what they SAY is actually what they DO. so that our default isn't always to assume whatever they say to us is a BALD FACE LIE.

but alas.........

glad you saw that crosswalk signal change and hustled across that busy four lane road to your own side.

trailmix

It kind of sounds like you are building a case here. I know you are firmly against getting divorced, but is that perhaps somewhere in the back of your mind?

You know going across the street here only does one thing, makes you angry and frustrated. He, on the other hand, is sitting in a nice air conditioned bar, watching a game and sipping 12 dollar drinks.

LovePeaceSushi

AH told me today when he came home from his parents' house he wants a divorce. He says "I don't treat him like a man". 1 hour later he was asking me to lunch and rubbing my feet. I told him this was emotional abuse and I was tired of it.

I don't want a divorce; I want the sober husband I had for the last 48 days. The one that made me my coffee every morning, did the dishes at night after I cooked, worked (literally) beside, and the one that I didn't fight with one single time in 7 weeks.

I really thought the cirrhosis diagnosis would put an end to the drinking.

Mango212

Hi LovePeaceSushi,

I miss my husband, too. He's a good man with a horrendous disease. Today I saw someone who used to work with my husband. He said he misses him. I said, "me, too."





My toxic FOO I've come to identify in ways that have no "good" for me. They aren't alcoholic. I'm glad to have clarity on these things. My husband as he's deep in his disease isn't there at all. It is very difficult. It gets easier as I double down on self-care and reaching out to my support network.

I'm sorry you're going through this again!

Sasha1972

I am really sorry to hear that he is continuing to drink, and that he is sending very confusing signals about how he feels about your marriage. I know that divorce is not what you want, and I can empathize with the pain of realizing that the happy relationship you hoped for and worked for may be slipping out of your grasp. I'm glad you expressed to him your anger with his on again/off again, I'm drinking/I'm not drinking, I want to save our marriage/I want to dump our marriage vacillation.

"Treat him like a man"? What does that even mean, given that it's 2019? Treat him like a 1950s-era king of the castle with a dutiful wife who stifles herself and caters to his mood of the day? "Being a man" has nothing to do with anything here. From what I read you are treating both him and yourself like adults - he makes his own decisions about drinking, and then you make your decisions about what you can or cannot live with.

FeelingGreat

Thinking of you LPS. I know it's wise not to get your hopes up, but you must be feeling devastated by his relapse after having weeks of peace.

However he packages it, I'm sure the relapse will have rocked him as well, and maybe he's thinking he'll never be sober for any length of time and it would be better to cut ties now.

LovePeaceSushi

AH came home drunk today after another "meeting", followed by a solo lunch at a swanky $12/drink place...and with yet another new bottle of vodka. I told him we can't stay in the same house with him while he's drinking and being mean. (And he was being pretty mean....trying to engage me with insults to get a nice fight going, but I just stayed completely silent) He said we can't afford for me to stay in a Holiday Inn, so he's going back over to his parents, and he left (with the bottle in his pocket).....slamming the door on the way out and saying "this isn't a permanent situation!" and "This is MY house!"

So, while I still don't want a divorce, I am thinking maybe I need to get a temporary apartment/condo. I really don't think I have the energy to watch him drink and be here for the verbal barbs. And my daughter doesn't deserve to have to shut herself in her room to stay away from it. - - She gets home tonight after being gone the past week on a choir mission trip. She doesn't know he's drinking again. I know she will be hurt. There is an Alateen meeting tomorrow night, though, so at least there's that?

I'm not going to do anything rash, but I am going to pray on it. "More will be revealed", right?

AnvilheadII

LPS, do what is best for you and your daughter.
i am so sorry his drinking is escalating and that he has turned nasty.
i am also glad he left the building.

Sasha1972

My thoughts exactly. Let him go be nasty somewhere that is else. Please keep putting yourself and your kids first.

LovePeaceSushi

Thanks for the support, guys. He showed back up twice and twice I asked him to leave. If my instincts are correct, he's passed out finally over at his parent's house. The crazy train needs to come to a halt.

clarity888

God, LPS. I'm sorry you're dealing with this reversal of his progress. When I've had to deal with similar bumps (or boulders) in the road, I've been shocked, paralyzed, then moved on to times where I more observed (though with sadness and disbelief). All I can think to say is please keep focusing on your "next right thing" to take care of you and your daughter. Thankfully you did just that, and he did leave. Over time, with setting boundaries over and over and OVER, you keep getting stronger/strong enough to handle this, even when it escalates to new lows. Horrid diseaes is cunning, baffling, and defies reason, but your strength and peace can grow while that insanity continues (I'm slowly learning that). Sorry for babbling, sending you support and a hug.

LovePeaceSushi

You're not babbling....this disease defies rationale. I wanted to share a youtube video, but I don't know how to do it.

trailmix

The easiest way is to just copy the web address while you are on the youtube page and paste it in your reply.

Or you can click on the little You Tube icon that is in the reply box when you are writing a message. A code will pop up in your reply box YT AND YT.

All youtube videos have a code at the end of the web address like this:

...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5IQzP0SJL4

The code - that starts with the y, in this example, is what you want to put between the YTs.



Hope that makes sense!

LovePeaceSushi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IKVKr-2i5o

Thank you, trailmix!

Hopefully this works....I was watching "The O.C" tonight, waiting for my daughter to get back in town. I think we've all had days like this......

hopeful4

I am sorry to say, I think it's being revealed every day. I understand, I was in the same boat for a long time. Big hugs. Take care of you and your daughter.