I just cant
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Sweetie, he’s been in “recovery” and going to two meetings a day for what, one day? Two? That’s barely even a start. The failure rate for most is astronomical.
So try not to extrapolate from two days out to the future, not for him but especially not for you.
You will not always be this sad and mad.
Someone here said something I think about often...
“When one door closes another one opens. It’s just hell in the hallway.”
You will get through the hallway.
So try not to extrapolate from two days out to the future, not for him but especially not for you.
You will not always be this sad and mad.
Someone here said something I think about often...
“When one door closes another one opens. It’s just hell in the hallway.”
You will get through the hallway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
Sweetie, he’s been in “recovery” and going to two meetings a day for what, one day? Two? That’s barely even a start. The failure rate for most is astronomical.
So try not to extrapolate from two days out to the future, not for him but especially not for you.
You will not always be this sad and mad.
Someone here said something I think about often...
“When one door closes another one opens. It’s just hell in the hallway.”
You will get through the hallway.
So try not to extrapolate from two days out to the future, not for him but especially not for you.
You will not always be this sad and mad.
Someone here said something I think about often...
“When one door closes another one opens. It’s just hell in the hallway.”
You will get through the hallway.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,631
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
I can’t help but feel hurt that it took ALL this to make him commit to sobriety.
Alcoholics/addicts leave their Husbands, Wives, little babies, pregnant wives, Mother's, Father's, their Sons and Daughters to go and drink.
Does that have anything to do with any of them? No. Are they all horrible or worthless people that didn't deserve a kind and loving partner or parent, child? I don't think so.
This is not personal. His recovery (or not) is not personal. He's panicking based on what you have described. Maybe he will be successful in getting in to recovery, I hope so for his sake or maybe he is just panicking and he will be back drinking in no time, no one knows, probably not even him.
All that aside, he is not the idea. person for you to be in a relationship with, regardless. You do not want to live with an alcoholic, that is absolutely your prerogative. He IS an alcoholic. He is not just the nice sober guy and actually you don't really know that guy anyway. That "sober" guy you see is the partly sober guy, not an actual sober, in recovery, alcoholic. He hasn't dealt with whatever he has to deal with.
He is not two people.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by trailmix
Why? Do you question why you feel that way - hurt because it took all of this?
Alcoholics/addicts leave their Husbands, Wives, little babies, pregnant wives, Mother's, Father's, their Sons and Daughters to go and drink.
Does that have anything to do with any of them? No. Are they all horrible or worthless people that didn't deserve a kind and loving partner or parent, child? I don't think so.
This is not personal. His recovery (or not) is not personal. He's panicking based on what you have described. Maybe he will be successful in getting in to recovery, I hope so for his sake or maybe he is just panicking and he will be back drinking in no time, no one knows, probably not even him.
Alcoholics/addicts leave their Husbands, Wives, little babies, pregnant wives, Mother's, Father's, their Sons and Daughters to go and drink.
Does that have anything to do with any of them? No. Are they all horrible or worthless people that didn't deserve a kind and loving partner or parent, child? I don't think so.
This is not personal. His recovery (or not) is not personal. He's panicking based on what you have described. Maybe he will be successful in getting in to recovery, I hope so for his sake or maybe he is just panicking and he will be back drinking in no time, no one knows, probably not even him.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
You are doing great--this all has been a shi-tstorm after all--you were dealing with naked crazy guy not even two weeks ago. Be patient with yourself 
I agree with Aries--I see panic here, not recovery. I truly hope for his sake that recovery is the case, but quite frankly be prepared for a monumental relapse or at least some significant "slips" before he finally realizes he actually has to go through the door.
I think he thinks if he keeps showing you "recovery", you'll buy in and let him stay.
What are doing to take care of you today? I know it costs some money, but I got some massage / body work when I was processing my mom's alcoholism and what impact it had on me. It was really helpful--I'd cry and the tears would drip down through the face ring right onto the floor.
It is funny how much emotion the body "stores" so physical release is cathartic and brings a sense of relief and tired peace.
Hang in there and don't take any wooden day 1 chips girl . . .
I agree with Aries--I see panic here, not recovery. I truly hope for his sake that recovery is the case, but quite frankly be prepared for a monumental relapse or at least some significant "slips" before he finally realizes he actually has to go through the door.
I think he thinks if he keeps showing you "recovery", you'll buy in and let him stay.
What are doing to take care of you today? I know it costs some money, but I got some massage / body work when I was processing my mom's alcoholism and what impact it had on me. It was really helpful--I'd cry and the tears would drip down through the face ring right onto the floor.
It is funny how much emotion the body "stores" so physical release is cathartic and brings a sense of relief and tired peace.
Hang in there and don't take any wooden day 1 chips girl . . .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
You are doing great--this all has been a shi-tstorm after all--you were dealing with naked crazy guy not even two weeks ago. Be patient with yourself
I agree with Aries--I see panic here, not recovery. I truly hope for his sake that recovery is the case, but quite frankly be prepared for a monumental relapse or at least some significant "slips" before he finally realizes he actually has to go through the door.
I think he thinks if he keeps showing you "recovery", you'll buy in and let him stay.
What are doing to take care of you today? I know it costs some money, but I got some massage / body work when I was processing my mom's alcoholism and what impact it had on me. It was really helpful--I'd cry and the tears would drip down through the face ring right onto the floor.
It is funny how much emotion the body "stores" so physical release is cathartic and brings a sense of relief and tired peace.
Hang in there and don't take any wooden day 1 chips girl . . .
I agree with Aries--I see panic here, not recovery. I truly hope for his sake that recovery is the case, but quite frankly be prepared for a monumental relapse or at least some significant "slips" before he finally realizes he actually has to go through the door.
I think he thinks if he keeps showing you "recovery", you'll buy in and let him stay.
What are doing to take care of you today? I know it costs some money, but I got some massage / body work when I was processing my mom's alcoholism and what impact it had on me. It was really helpful--I'd cry and the tears would drip down through the face ring right onto the floor.
It is funny how much emotion the body "stores" so physical release is cathartic and brings a sense of relief and tired peace.
Hang in there and don't take any wooden day 1 chips girl . . .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 148
Wow Bemini, you hit the nail on the head with romanticizing the past. Dandilion has said the same thing that we focus on what we are leaving instead of what we are gaining....the only thing with this is, it's the unknown of the future, the past is bad, but its our comfort (sorta?). The future seems so scary not knowing what to expect.
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