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Hard day

Old 07-18-2019, 10:38 AM
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Hard day

hes sober today and back to who I know him to be. Heís moving ahead so easily. Talking about what he will take, how he canít face anyone with what he did, how Iíll heal in time. Me on the other hand, Iím feeling sucidal. Not gonna act on it, but man this hurts so bad. To see him brush it off....god help me
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Old 07-18-2019, 10:47 AM
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Itís such a chaotic rollercoaster. Up... down... push... pull... fast... slow. Very painful experience. My exís moments of sobriety affected me so intensely. Unfortunately, for her... and us, her sobriety didnít last Listen, hang on to getting off that rollercoaster... if thatís what you truly want. I needed to leave. Did I want to, no. Was I suffering, yes... immensely. Stay strong.
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Old 07-18-2019, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC View Post
Itís such a chaotic rollercoaster. Up... down... push... pull... fast... slow. Very painful experience. My exís moments of sobriety affected me so intensely. Unfortunately, for her... and us, her sobriety didnít last Listen, hang on to getting off that rollercoaster... if thatís what you truly want. I needed to leave. Did I want to, no. Was I suffering, yes... immensely. Stay strong.
same. I want him so badly, but this alcoholism is a nightmare. Thank you for the words of comfort.
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Old 07-18-2019, 11:49 AM
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Same here- its this feeling of hopelessness. When you realise there is nothing you can do or could have done. I have tried my best once i fully realised there was a serious problem, so i initially offered to be there for him and offer an alternative life (which I now know he couldnt really appreciate to begin with). But later on I figured (when nothing changed on his part)- unless I leave and thus not enable him any longer, I am actually helping him with him perpetuating his disease. ANd I wouldnt EVER want that to happen. So the only solution was then to leave. I need to keep on reminding myself that, should we've stayed in a relationship, I would actually be enabling him. And in my eyes, thats NOT love.

Hope that helps a bit... Stay strong Daze
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Old 07-18-2019, 12:45 PM
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Yes Daze, stay strong and remember the why you are doing what you are doing.

Big hugs!
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Old 07-18-2019, 12:56 PM
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Roller coaster. I remember but it doesnít make it easier. This was a BIG love. Iíll be ok tho.
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Old 07-18-2019, 12:58 PM
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I was married for 18 years. I get Big Love, and I totally get that you are hurting. We will walk this with you!
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Old 07-18-2019, 01:15 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I was married for 18 years. I get Big Love, and I totally get that you are hurting. We will walk this with you!
thank you, yes. I need all the support I can get right now.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus View Post
Me on the other hand, I’m feeling sucidal. Not gonna act on it, but man this hurts so bad. To see him brush it off....god help me
"Tracking the Suicidal Urge

Suicidal urges have a range from soft to intense, but if you are feeling any level of suicidal urges right now, don’t feel as if you have to wait until you’re in the throes of torment to reach out for help. If you learn to catch your suicidal urges when they’re in the soft stage (for instance, at depression), you can often stop yourself from falling into the pit of desperation and torment.

In the territory of the suicidal urge, your capacity for emotional awareness and articulation can literally save your life!

If you’re feeling suicidal here in the the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Suicidal feelings can be very isolating, and this lifeline exists to give people the support they need to make it through the dark periods in their lives. If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, please let them know that free, safe, confidential help is available.

The TALK Lifeline is available in the U.S.; if you’re in another country, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has a list of crisis centers and suicide prevention centers throughout the world.

Please remember: when people are feeling suicidal, they’re not having a simple happiness deficiency or exhibiting a character flaw. Something very serious is going on. If you don’t know what to do, you can call the Lifeline suicide hotline for yourself or as a concerned friend (1-800-273-TALK (8255))."

Hi DC,

Being aware of feelings is important. Help is available.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus View Post
hes sober today and back to who I know him to be. Heís moving ahead so easily. Talking about what he will take, how he canít face anyone with what he did, how Iíll heal in time. Me on the other hand, Iím feeling sucidal. Not gonna act on it, but man this hurts so bad. To see him brush it off....god help me
Dazed, I really don't think there is much that is more difficult than what you are going through (maybe losing a child might be harder but not by much).

Please keep doing everything you can to take care of yourself. Every hour you survive is a victory.

Inspite of the torturing hope, it is unlikely that he is going to get sober long term. He might but it won't be easy and he has one hell of a long way to go if he does truly enter into recovery.

I quit drinking last summer. I joined one of the monthly classes. When it started there were probably 20-30 people. Now there are about 7 of us who post regularly. Sobriety is a super easy thing to start with enthusiasm but to keep it going is tough . . . . I will say that some of my classmates found other means of support that worked for them.

Big hug to you.
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Old 07-18-2019, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Dazed, I really don't think there is much that is more difficult than what you are going through (maybe losing a child might be harder but not by much).

Please keep doing everything you can to take care of yourself. Every hour you survive is a victory.

Inspite of the torturing hope, it is unlikely that he is going to get sober long term. He might but it won't be easy and he has one hell of a long way to go if he does truly enter into recovery.

I quit drinking last summer. I joined one of the monthly classes. When it started there were probably 20-30 people. Now there are about 7 of us who post regularly. Sobriety is a super easy thing to start with enthusiasm but to keep it going is tough . . . . I will say that some of my classmates found other means of support that worked for them.

Big hug to you.
torturing hope. Thatís what it is. Heís begging and pleading and promising heís off it for good. I just canít....I hope for his same he does it. But one sip and itís over. I never want to feel this way again. After 20 years I say enough. God bless you for your kind words and sobriety. Odaat
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Old 07-18-2019, 04:40 PM
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Iím really sorry I destroyed the best thing I had going in my life. These are the words I get now. Iím sorry too, but Iím done
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Old 07-18-2019, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by LifeChangeNYC View Post
Itís such a chaotic rollercoaster. Up... down... push... pull... fast... slow. Very painful experience. My exís moments of sobriety affected me so intensely. Unfortunately, for her... and us, her sobriety didnít last Listen, hang on to getting off that rollercoaster... if thatís what you truly want. I needed to leave. Did I want to, no. Was I suffering, yes... immensely. Stay strong.
nyc thank you. Iím clinging to the railing looking for a jump out spot. I want a soft landing. Youíre a gem. God bless u
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Old 07-18-2019, 05:42 PM
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He's just going to keep battering at you with different strategies--you are not a verbal punching bag to be manipulated and repeatedly hurt.

You need to get some physical, mental, and most especially emotional distance from him right now. This isn't doing you any good, and it sounds like he isn't giving up until he can get things back to his normal.

You see this, don't you?
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Old 07-18-2019, 06:50 PM
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I remember way back when. My ex was both abusive and an alcoholic. I think the thing that stood out for me the most was the abuse. Now, I can find some similarities there. They are both totally different, but the excuses are the same, the apologies are the same. First my ex would have me make up a list of things I wanted him to do around the house. I thought in order for him to do anything that I had to listen to his drunken abuse and the next day he would finally do something on the list. I told him that I wasn't going to play that game anymore, that's when he started to buy me presents to make up for his behavior. After about 5 presents, I told him that he wasn't going to buy me off anymore. I told him that I needed to see his actions. That's when the promises started, promises that were never kept for more then one week. I told him I didn't want to hear promises anymore, I wanted to see action. That's when he started to go really at me with "guilt trips". How I think I am Miss Perfect, that everything he does is wrong, that I will never forgive him anyway, how his father was like him and he never wanted to be like his father. That I should be more understanding, that I should give him another chance, that I am a b!tch.

Everyone's experience is different, but what you got right now is, poor me, poor me, pour me another drink drunk.

They learn the words to use to tear our hearts apart, we think they weren't hearing us, they were, they were saving it up for future references.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))
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Old 07-18-2019, 07:22 PM
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Hello dazed,

I completely understand what you're feeling. My ex husband was unfaithful and started divorce proceedings against me. I would go from calm, assured, even bravado about the whole thing to absolutely desperately unhappy wanting his unfaithful self back. My mind always knew the right course, but my heart and emotions occasionally felt differently about the whole thing.

I'm so sorry you are at such a low point

If hope you will consider reaching out for help:

USA National Suicide Hotlines
Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week
1-800-SUICIDE / 1-800-784-2433
1-800-273-TALK / 1-800-273-8255
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
Or, call 911 and ask for help. Tell them you are in suicidal danger.
You are worth it!
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