Decision
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Join Date: Jul 2019
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Decision
so he decided to leave now. He says he will sign the divorce papers and go back to his family. Just like that. Be gone in two weeks. After all the promises....I simply don’t believe this. No fight for what we built. 20 years wasted. Poof! Unbelievable.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Dazed - you are smack dab in the middle of a very long confusing grieving process. He may be coming to the realization that you will not be bullied or manipulated anymore, he may be well aware he cannot stop, or he simply has realized that he doesn't want to do the work, or it may just be another passing mood that will change on a dime. In my experience this is just another stab at trying to grasp a little control back since he can't seem to control anything else. Let it be. We are all here for you. Sober or not at some point the realization of what they have done and lost will hit and you most likely won't be there to witness it. For some it comes on their deathbed, for some it comes while chasing other relationships but time catches you and so do consequences eventually.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
dawnrising said it spot on. We are here for you!
You still seem to think that by doing this it's an ultimatium for him. It's much more healthy to think of this in terms of that you are doing what you need to do for YOU, setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Focusing on you.
Someone steeped into his addiction that much is not likely to change now. I hope he does, maybe it would save his own life, but you cannot control that, nor can you continue to go on as it has been.
Huge hugs.
You still seem to think that by doing this it's an ultimatium for him. It's much more healthy to think of this in terms of that you are doing what you need to do for YOU, setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Focusing on you.
Someone steeped into his addiction that much is not likely to change now. I hope he does, maybe it would save his own life, but you cannot control that, nor can you continue to go on as it has been.
Huge hugs.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus 
With my luck he will go into recovery and live happily ever after. This sucks.
I hope at this point you know that listening to anything he says is pointless. His thoughts on this are changing like the wind which isn't all that surprising since he is deep in his addiction.
Please don't try to apply logic here, it will make you crazy.
You don't know that all is lost. He might go out and seek recovery in an hour, or maybe never, more will be revealed over time.
In the meantime, how about focusing some of that love and attention on yourself? You're a good person, you care, how about giving yourself a little break here.
I know it hurts like hell right now however a week from now or a few days from now you are going to have some of the fog lifting and you are going to start having (I think) a bit of a different perspective here.
He has gone from probably promising you every few months that he will seek treatment to doing that every few hours. You are on a super fast roller-coaster ride here and it's time to hop off!
Protect yourself.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by trailmix
Maybe. Maybe not.
I hope at this point you know that listening to anything he says is pointless. His thoughts on this are changing like the wind which isn't all that surprising since he is deep in his addiction.
Please don't try to apply logic here, it will make you crazy.
You don't know that all is lost. He might go out and seek recovery in an hour, or maybe never, more will be revealed over time.
In the meantime, how about focusing some of that love and attention on yourself? You're a good person, you care, how about giving yourself a little break here.
I know it hurts like hell right now however a week from now or a few days from now you are going to have some of the fog lifting and you are going to start having (I think) a bit of a different perspective here.
He has gone from probably promising you every few months that he will seek treatment to doing that every few hours. You are on a super fast roller-coaster ride here and it's time to hop off!
Protect yourself.
I hope at this point you know that listening to anything he says is pointless. His thoughts on this are changing like the wind which isn't all that surprising since he is deep in his addiction.
Please don't try to apply logic here, it will make you crazy.
You don't know that all is lost. He might go out and seek recovery in an hour, or maybe never, more will be revealed over time.
In the meantime, how about focusing some of that love and attention on yourself? You're a good person, you care, how about giving yourself a little break here.
I know it hurts like hell right now however a week from now or a few days from now you are going to have some of the fog lifting and you are going to start having (I think) a bit of a different perspective here.
He has gone from probably promising you every few months that he will seek treatment to doing that every few hours. You are on a super fast roller-coaster ride here and it's time to hop off!
Protect yourself.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,980
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
dearest trail mix, god bless you for being my perspective right now. He’s pleading and swearing this is his bottom. He says he’s devastated then gets angry I won’t change my mind. He’s not packing, but keeps torturing me with words of travel. I’m a heap and he is stone faced watching game shows. He buys lunch then talks about selling his car. Sets up an apt with treatment then says he’s leaving in a week. It’s truly a roller coaster from hell. I’m gonna hole up away from him for awhile. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the support. I will get thru this.
Do what you can to get away from him and if you can't start practicing the Grey Rock thingy. Ugh Dazed. This sucks.
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