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Newbie - DP is an alcoholic and partial to cocaine

Old 07-13-2019, 08:37 AM
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Newbie - DP is an alcoholic and partial to cocaine

Hi all.
My partner is an alcoholic. He also likes to use cocaine. Heís been free of substances (as far as I know) for five full days. Iíve moved rapidly through relief and now Iím back to being resentful and angry.

Anyone else in similar shoes? Or has been before? I donít quite know where to go next or what to expect.
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Old 07-13-2019, 09:39 AM
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At my daughter's recent wedding I gave a speech. I told my future son in law,
1. You can’t make my daughter happy, only she can do that.
2. This does not relieve you of your responsibility, every single day, to do everything you can to make my daughter happy.

This applies to drug fueled relationships as well minus the responsibility :-) With addiction, we can't assume responsibility for others, only ourselves, but we can help.

Cocaine and alcohol was my favorite fix for decades. I used them to regain control of my feeling helpless to factors that I felt were out of my control.
I've since learned that the secret is to regain control and empower myself with direct healthy behaviors that honor God. Addictions are all about who is in control, regaining control of our emotions or feelings or more specifically escaping our feelings of being helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control to specific circumstances in life, that I felt were vitally important to me! We always have a binary choice, to regain control of our feelings/emotions with substitute quick fixes or mood changers of substances or more high value behaviors that help us regain control. Of course this is easier said than done, but it starts with understanding our thinking and emotions.

I changed my thinking and let God change my life.
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Old 07-13-2019, 09:41 AM
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Alcoholics using other drugs especially stimulants is nothing new. Here the A has been using adderall among other things. He's addicted to sports drinks using them before almost all physical activity and workouts. He supposedly dabbled with cocaine off and on for decades but judging by his other addictive behaviors/habits the 1980s are still calling.

I guess like many addicts they use different substances to offset each other.

Be careful, stimulants by themselves let alone with alcohol can quickly put a person into a highly agitated & volatile state . Especially if they already have temper or patience issues.
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Old 07-13-2019, 11:07 AM
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Let go and let God handle it. Do you....
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Old 07-13-2019, 12:36 PM
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Hi Sasperilla and welcome.

You will find many stories similar to yours as you read through the threads on this forum.

Have you check out Al-Anon at all, you might find meetings help give you the tools to relieve some of that resentment and anger.

There is also a wealth of knowledge in the stickies at the top of the forum. This is a good place to start if you are interested:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

There are many here that have been in your shoes. Keep posting!
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:05 PM
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There's been discussion on this forum about other things people do to self-soothe in addition to alcohol - drugs, overexercising, sex etc.
I'm glad you found this forum. It's saved me on many occasions, especially to make me feel like what I am feeling is normal, and letting me get it all out of my head.
I've felt sadness, despair, anger, frustration and hopless at times. It's all very normal. Keep posting.
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Old 07-13-2019, 07:06 PM
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My recent ex (one month) was an alcoholic and addicted to pot. He was paritally addicted to cocaine. Although I never saw it.

From what I learned, when they try to get rid of one addiction they just replace it with another.

In our relationship I thought I could help him and control it. We had other issues, but that was the one that led to our ultimate demise.
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Old 07-14-2019, 12:34 PM
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Thank you so much for responding. Itís been a rough ride so far. I had a very emotional and angry day yesterday and this morning we had a bit of a bust up about it. He tried deflecting and minimising but I countered him on every argument.
Heís got an appointment with our GP tomorrow which Iím going to with him.
He is learning that heís going to have to be patient and take responsibility and allow me to have good and bad days and that that is only fair. Also that it is fair that I donít trust him.
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Old 07-14-2019, 02:37 PM
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I hope you will read around here Sasperilla. I think you will find that learning everything you can about addiction will be reassuring for you.

Always remember you didn't Cause it can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 Cs).

Trying to control an addict is not really to your benefit. Well, trying to control anyone at anytime is not to your benefit. It's perhaps a good idea to try to put more of the focus back on yourself and looking our for yourself.

Does he actually want to quit or are you "forcing" him to quit. I hope he is doing this for himself because long-term that's really a much more hopeful situation.
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Old 07-15-2019, 05:30 AM
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I think a bit of both. I donít think he wants to quit at all, though a friend of ours thinks he was maybe waiting for me to say ďenoughĒ. I donít know. What I do know is that I told him it was this way or no way and he decided to try my way. But initially he kept saying that heíd do whatever it took to keep me happy - I pointed out that isnít the way it should be, Iím not his mother or his keeper. I know (now) his drinking has been a factor in other relationship breakdowns but I also know heís never given up before.

I absolutely dont donít want to control him. Iíve been in a hugely abusive and controlling relationship before. Itís not a situation I want to find myself in - on either side. I keep reiterating that this isnít for me or for us, it has to be for him.

That said, itís really tough to NOT be or appear controlling... especially when every little thing is something which feel suspicious 🤷🏻*♀️

Im going to go to my local al anon meeting on Thursday. I might never go again. But I think itís worth exploring.
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Old 07-15-2019, 01:36 PM
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Addicts have addictive personalities for the most part. It's VERY common for them to latch onto other substances.
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