Advise please...
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Join Date: Mar 2019
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Advise please...
Can anyone give me some advise on how to respond when my boyfriend talks about drinking? He has always been very open with me about his struggles with alcoholism. I extremely supportive of him staying sober. I celebrate his victories and even go with him to meetings sometimes. I just really don’t know how to respond when he talks about his cravings to drink. It’s not often and I’m really glad that he’s open about it. I really want to respond by screaming “NO, please don’t drink”. But I know that’s probably not the best idea. How can I be supportive without saying the wrong thing?
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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Honestly, it’s a slippery slope. In my experience, it was my error (& lack of understanding on how alcoholism actually works) for getting “too involved”... with BOTH my ex girlfriend’s drinking & her moments of sobriety. I was stuck on the toxic rollercoaster so when she’d have her sober weeks... I was like a kid in a candy store! My mind grabbed on tight to the fairy tale I had been dreaming of... I was her biggest cheerleader and looking back, that just made everything worse. In my case, she’d then relapse... and I’d go from an extreme high to extreme low. See this destructive pattern?
Many here have far more experience than I... but I have learned a lot and “staying on your side of the street” is probably the best approach... & one I wish I knew last year.
The addict is on their journey and so are you. The more you involve yourself, the more you engage on that rollercoaster. It’s hard... I know. It’s not easy to navigate... sadly.
Many here have far more experience than I... but I have learned a lot and “staying on your side of the street” is probably the best approach... & one I wish I knew last year.
The addict is on their journey and so are you. The more you involve yourself, the more you engage on that rollercoaster. It’s hard... I know. It’s not easy to navigate... sadly.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
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My husband is honest when he's having a craving. I really don't say anything most times, as I don't think he's expecting to hear anything in return. It's usually right after something irritating or a series of irritating things happened....so maybe if I do say something, I'll say "I know, that was irritating just now." (sympathizing, but not preaching)
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Thanks for the responses everyone... he does have a sponsor that he talks to often and he goes to meetings as well. But the topic of drinking does come up, of course. It’s not often and I want to be supportive. I also don’t want to blow him off if he wants to talk about it. He’s doing really well and I want him to feel like he can talk to me.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by NewSeason4 
I really want to respond by screaming “NO, please don’t drink”.
Nothing you say or do will have him drinking again or not. Have you discussed this with him? Have you explained to him that you don't really know what cravings like that are like?
I quoted the part above because that's kind of a red flag (for you). Why are you so invested in this? I know you are with him and love him and etc but his recovery will continue or not and nothing you do will change that, it's his thing. I see a little walking on eggshells here? That's not a good spot to be in.
Have you attended Al-Anon at all?
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Join Date: Mar 2019
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He and I talk openly about his alcoholism. I often bring up the fact that I want to be supportive but I have no idea what his cravings are like... I’ve never struggled with any kind of addiction. I want to be supportive of him but I definitely realize that his success is not dependent on me. I haven’t gone to a Al-Anon meeting yet but I do think it would be helpful to connect with other people in similar situations.
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I don't know that there is no blanket answer, but have you ever been incredibly hungry? Have you ever been on a diet and all you can think about are say, cookies, you think about cookies all day, if you could just have a cookie you wouldn't have to think about them and you would feel so much better instantly!
If you know that kind of craving just multiply it by 20 or so.
Also alcohol tends to be used to modify emotion, feel sad, have a drink and forget it. Happy? Have drinks and be happier! Frustrated, have another drink and it all goes away for a while.
Think of that perhaps like all your coping mechanisms get taken away. You have your own ways of dealing with sadness, frustration etc, that you have learned over time, imagine that gets taken away today and you are just left to try and relearn all that.
Anyway, that's kind of a brief overview of what I have come to understand it as, hopefully that helps a bit.
If you know that kind of craving just multiply it by 20 or so.
Also alcohol tends to be used to modify emotion, feel sad, have a drink and forget it. Happy? Have drinks and be happier! Frustrated, have another drink and it all goes away for a while.
Think of that perhaps like all your coping mechanisms get taken away. You have your own ways of dealing with sadness, frustration etc, that you have learned over time, imagine that gets taken away today and you are just left to try and relearn all that.
Anyway, that's kind of a brief overview of what I have come to understand it as, hopefully that helps a bit.
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