Is increased sex drive normal?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
Is increased sex drive normal?
So, my husband has been an active alcoholic throughout our entire relationship.. He's made attempts to stop over the past 4 years, but always went back. In March, he had a health scare, and was hospitalized for diabetes. Since then, he has actually been doing very well, and I haven't seen any of the behavior that usually indicates to me that he's been drinking. So, it seems that he has been dry for about 3 1/2 months.
What brings me here now, is that we have never had a particularly active sex life. In the beginning, I was always the one to initiate, and when my advances would be rebuffed, I was always very hurt. So I stopped trying. We would still occasionally have sex, but it was usually no more than once a month. Then, when his drinking started to really get out of control, and to affect our life, and his job...I got angry. A lot. And told him that until he decided to make his sobriety, and our family, a priority, we were living as roommates, not a couple. So sex was off the table for a while.
Anyway...over the past week or so, he has been very interested in sex. I'm not complaining, but it just seems so strange, and sudden. When he asked me to come to bed last night, I actually said "what's gotten into you? this is very unlike you." He said, "I don't know...but it's ok, isn't it?" which it is...I'm just curious if this is something anyone else has experienced. I know I may be overthinking, and maybe he's making up for lost time...but I can't help but wonder about it.
What brings me here now, is that we have never had a particularly active sex life. In the beginning, I was always the one to initiate, and when my advances would be rebuffed, I was always very hurt. So I stopped trying. We would still occasionally have sex, but it was usually no more than once a month. Then, when his drinking started to really get out of control, and to affect our life, and his job...I got angry. A lot. And told him that until he decided to make his sobriety, and our family, a priority, we were living as roommates, not a couple. So sex was off the table for a while.
Anyway...over the past week or so, he has been very interested in sex. I'm not complaining, but it just seems so strange, and sudden. When he asked me to come to bed last night, I actually said "what's gotten into you? this is very unlike you." He said, "I don't know...but it's ok, isn't it?" which it is...I'm just curious if this is something anyone else has experienced. I know I may be overthinking, and maybe he's making up for lost time...but I can't help but wonder about it.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
It sounds reasonable. Heavy drinking, as well as diabetes can both lead to erectile dysfunction. Drinking, by itself, can lead to depression and a lack of interest in sex. Maybe now that his body is getting free of those chemicals, he is experiencing a reawakening of sorts.
My husband is only 18 days sober, but I can say that when he was drinking, it carved a wedge between us. His performance sometimes suffered, and quite honestly, I couldn't stand the smell of vodka on his breath, so that would mean there was no kissing. Sex felt like more of a chore than a bonding experience.
I'm happy for your husband's sobriety! Enjoy the perks that come with it!
My husband is only 18 days sober, but I can say that when he was drinking, it carved a wedge between us. His performance sometimes suffered, and quite honestly, I couldn't stand the smell of vodka on his breath, so that would mean there was no kissing. Sex felt like more of a chore than a bonding experience.
I'm happy for your husband's sobriety! Enjoy the perks that come with it!
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Good god YES. Alcohol and drugs replaced sex for me for years. Once I stopped, my libido skyrocketed, I seriously felt like I did in my early 20s instead of on the back side of my 50s. Partly also due to greatly improved health that came with the sobriety.
Hopefully you're enjoying the newfound attention, and it will probably be good for your husband. Toe curling eyes rolling to the back of the head renewed sex was a HUGE, if not the number one, sobriety reinforcement for me.
Hopefully you're enjoying the newfound attention, and it will probably be good for your husband. Toe curling eyes rolling to the back of the head renewed sex was a HUGE, if not the number one, sobriety reinforcement for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 10
Thank you! I was thinking that it could definitely be that he's finally feeling better physically, and feeling better about himself. He's lost 40lbs since he started treating his diabetes with diet and insulin, and putting down the booze. Plus, he's spent so much time feeling guilty about all the lying and hiding, that I guess maybe since his conscience is clear, he's feeling better about everything! Thanks!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That's great. I am glad he seems to be on a healthy path!
Originally Posted by Angelachase 
Thank you! I was thinking that it could definitely be that he's finally feeling better physically, and feeling better about himself. He's lost 40lbs since he started treating his diabetes with diet and insulin, and putting down the booze. Plus, he's spent so much time feeling guilty about all the lying and hiding, that I guess maybe since his conscience is clear, he's feeling better about everything! Thanks!
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