Can somebody please confirm

Old 06-30-2019, 06:08 PM
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Can somebody please confirm

Just for clarity sake. I need people re-affirming this. Not just my mum!!!

He's an alcoholic when:

-In his teens his folks would have to come pick him up because he'd get too drunk at parties

-His mates would bring sodas to parties to keep him away from booze

-Every relationship he's had ended because of booze

-He's had two DUI' S

-He's had possibly 3 drunk & disorderly charges. I'm positive about 2 of them.

-He's passed out on the floor, probably more than once.

-He's been pulled out of a river

-he has a history of injuries from drinking

-myself and my neighbours had to call the cops on him due to his aggressive, drunken behaviour

-In the few months I put up with his active drinking he came home drunk most Saturdays, didn't come home one night at all, possibly got hit by a car

-he lost his marriage, home, idyllic beach lifestyle and being a full time dad because of his drinking

-he chose alcohol over having his family back

-he briefly did AA after losing kids, but as soon as parenting order was signed he quit cos now he has a handle on his drinking.

-He's still getting drunk
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Old 06-30-2019, 07:07 PM
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There are no hard and fast rules, but that sure sounds like an alcoholic to me.

I assume that this is someone that you are romantically involved with. The real question is: given all the evidence that he is an alcoholic who appears to have no desire to quit drinking, do you really want to invite the consequences of his choices into your life?
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Old 06-30-2019, 07:12 PM
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Normal drinkers don't have near-death experiences due to alcohol.

I'll add a couple to that list.

-You go without a phone for 8 months but still manage to make it to the bar/liquor store every day.

-You marry your aunt to prove that you're a responsible adult.

-You spend a year of your life and thousands in legal fees to fight for your right to drink while caring for your child.

-You've been banned from every drinking establishment within walking distance of your home.

-The grossest dive bar in town starts charging a cover charge to keep you out.

-You lose control of your bladder/bowels 1-2 times a week and blame it on pets.
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Old 06-30-2019, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle View Post
There are no hard and fast rules, but that sure sounds like an alcoholic to me.

I assume that this is someone that you are romantically involved with. The real question is: given all the evidence that he is an alcoholic who appears to have no desire to quit drinking, do you really want to invite the consequences of his choices into your life?
I believe op is divorced but has to share custody/visitation with the alcoholic.
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Old 06-30-2019, 07:17 PM
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Don't worry..we're separated

Originally Posted by Milano58 View Post
Just for clarity sake. I need people re-affirming this. Not just my mum!!!

He's an alcoholic when:

-In his teens his folks would have to come pick him up because he'd get too drunk at parties

-His mates would bring sodas to parties to keep him away from booze

-Every relationship he's had ended because of booze

-He's had two DUI' S

-He's had possibly 3 drunk & disorderly charges. I'm positive about 2 of them.

-He's passed out on the floor, probably more than once.

-He's been pulled out of a river

-he has a history of injuries from drinking

-myself and my neighbours had to call the cops on him due to his aggressive, drunken behaviour

-In the few months I put up with his active drinking he came home drunk most Saturdays, didn't come home one night at all, possibly got hit by a car

-he lost his marriage, home, idyllic beach lifestyle and being a full time dad because of his drinking

-he chose alcohol over having his family back

-he briefly did AA after losing kids, but as soon as parenting order was signed he quit cos now he has a handle on his drinking.

-He's still getting drunk

I know he's an alcoholic. I just have to keep reminding myself because I only see him sober these days and he's presenting such a 'I don't have a drinking problem' facade that I NEED confirmation.
SR has become my source of truth.

Thanks.. Today I just needed reminding.
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Old 06-30-2019, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler View Post
Normal drinkers don't have near-death experiences due to alcohol.

I'll add a couple to that list.

-You go without a phone for 8 months but still manage to make it to the bar/liquor store every day.

-You marry your aunt to prove that you're a responsible adult.

-You spend a year of your life and thousands in legal fees to fight for your right to drink while caring for your child.

-You've been banned from every drinking establishment within walking distance of your home.

-The grossest dive bar in town starts charging a cover charge to keep you out.

-You lose control of your bladder/bowels 1-2 times a week and blame it on pets.
Jesus wept.. My EXAH has been banned from bars too. I forgot about that. I just need to let loose today. I feel like SR is my go to place for a dose of sanity.

Thanks!
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Old 06-30-2019, 08:35 PM
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I hear you. It’s only been a few visits but mine is acting like everything has always been fine and trying to be charming etc. And you just think “is this person really out to lunch like I was sure of last week?” Yes, he is.

If they weren’t capable of acting like normal people on occasion and/or for short bursts, we wouldn’t have any of us gotten involved. It’s real. It’s bad. Just because he isn’t falling over today doesn’t mean it wasn’t him or wasn’t completely intolerable.
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Old 07-01-2019, 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted by DiggingForFire View Post
I hear you. It’s only been a few visits but mine is acting like everything has always been fine and trying to be charming etc. And you just think “is this person really out to lunch like I was sure of last week?” Yes, he is.

If they weren’t capable of acting like normal people on occasion and/or for short bursts, we wouldn’t have any of us gotten involved. It’s real. It’s bad. Just because he isn’t falling over today doesn’t mean it wasn’t him or wasn’t completely intolerable.
Thanks.. Even though I've gone NC as humanly possibly I'm still playing his denial/begging me to let him drink speech over and over in my head. I am seeing an addiction Councillor this week and he'll probably hit me upside my head for even doubting myself. I know he's an alcoholic. The courts, the police all know he's an alcoholic.

We should have those 'singagrams', are they even a thing anymore? I could do with a daily Singagram dressed as a pyramid singing 🎶 he's in denial 🎶
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler View Post
Normal drinkers don't have near-death experiences due to alcohol.

-You go without a phone for 8 months but still manage to make it to the bar/liquor store every day.
It made the news near me: man had not paid his electric bill for months, and finally it was cut off in the summer. He got a generator, and ran that for his lights. For months. The next winter, he and his son died from carbon monoxide poisoning from the generator. He was well known at the bar, so his buddies there ponied up for his and his son's burial.

I'd say any one of your list would be a red flag. That his own peers try to keep him from drinking is especially telling.
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Old 07-01-2019, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Milano58 View Post
I know he's an alcoholic. I just have to keep reminding myself because I only see him sober these days and he's presenting such a 'I don't have a drinking problem' facade that I NEED confirmation.
SR has become my source of truth.

Thanks.. Today I just needed reminding.
it reads more like ya have to accept he is an alcoholic.

14+ years sober and im still an alcoholic.
just not an active alcoholic.
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