Advice Needed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Advice Needed
My AH is almost 70 - a heavy drinker for decades now and continuing daily. This past year I think his mental status is deteriorating but I'm not sure. Here's two examples - this winter he obsessed about the heating system and I mean obsessed. He kept thinking it wasn't working, would keep hopping up to check the thermostat all day and saying it needed to be replaced. It was working fine.
Now he's started hearing mice in our attic yet there is no evidence of mice at all. He's convinced one is in the insulation and running over his room at night.
Is this normal for alcoholics as they age? What should I expect or do? He won't go to the doctor and no way I can make him so should I talk to the doctor on my own? I'm super confused about this turn of events and not sure what to expect.
Appreciate any advice.
Now he's started hearing mice in our attic yet there is no evidence of mice at all. He's convinced one is in the insulation and running over his room at night.
Is this normal for alcoholics as they age? What should I expect or do? He won't go to the doctor and no way I can make him so should I talk to the doctor on my own? I'm super confused about this turn of events and not sure what to expect.
Appreciate any advice.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Sorry you have this in your life.
My husband is late 70's and in very poor health. Life long heavy drinker. He also refused to see the doctor, common in drinkers.
So I got the medical people involved for MY benefit not his. They have been brilliant and supportive to me. Gradually my husband was accepting of their involvement and complies with their help, apart from obviously he won't quit drinking!
I have a monthly appointment for myself with the doctor so she can support me.
The other enormous help to me was to attend Al-anon and work their program. Massive life changer for me. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone with an alcoholic in their life.
I encourage you to put yourself and your welfare as top priority.
My husband is late 70's and in very poor health. Life long heavy drinker. He also refused to see the doctor, common in drinkers.
So I got the medical people involved for MY benefit not his. They have been brilliant and supportive to me. Gradually my husband was accepting of their involvement and complies with their help, apart from obviously he won't quit drinking!
I have a monthly appointment for myself with the doctor so she can support me.
The other enormous help to me was to attend Al-anon and work their program. Massive life changer for me. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone with an alcoholic in their life.
I encourage you to put yourself and your welfare as top priority.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Thank you so much for your help Peaceful Water. I was wondering if I should go to the doctor for support. It's super confusing and stressful dealing with someone who is imagining these things yet thinks they are happening. Thank you again so much.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
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Originally Posted by TryingToLearn 
Thank you so much for your help Peaceful Water. I was wondering if I should go to the doctor for support. It's super confusing and stressful dealing with someone who is imagining these things yet thinks they are happening. Thank you again so much.
I agree it is super confusing and stressful.
All the best to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Trying, I think talking to a doctor would be very helpful for you, and may draw your AH in gradually.
After talking to the doctor you may also want to investigate organisations that deal with dementia. I had a chat to someone in my local shopping centre about my mother and it was great talking to someone who knew about the subject. I'm not even my mother's carer, so I can imagine how helpful it would be for you.
After talking to the doctor you may also want to investigate organisations that deal with dementia. I had a chat to someone in my local shopping centre about my mother and it was great talking to someone who knew about the subject. I'm not even my mother's carer, so I can imagine how helpful it would be for you.
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Of course I have no idea about your husband's health. I do know that my father who drank hard his entire life developed "wet brain" near the end of his life.
My father was a functioning alcoholic for his entire adult life...until he wasn't. After he retired he became less and less "functional". His world got smaller and smaller as his physical health and abilities diminished. Despite his alcoholism, my father had always been a very intelligent, sharp and witty man.. by the time he turned 70 he was none of those things. In the last year leading up to his death (just weeks shy of turning) 72, you could barely carry a conversation with him. He said weird things that no one understood, or were completely out of context. When we would try to get him to explain himself he would seem very confused not even knowing why he had said what he'd said. Or he would just be so spaced out there was no use trying to talk with him even if he hadn't started drinking for the day. It was extremely hard to watch my father fail like that, what was worse was knowing that he did it to himself.
My dad actually would go to the doctor, but he ate what he wanted and drank what he wanted and didn't do a lick of exercise, despite what the doctors would tell him. He would return from the doctors office with reqs for lab work but rarely did he have any of it done. And he would lie to us and tell us the doctor told him he was "perfectly healthy".... a preschooler could have told you he was not a well man. He and my mother shared the same doctor so my mum would indeed fill in the doctor about the truth of my dad's lifestyle. Though I'm sure the doctor could see that with his own two eyes. At least mum felt like she was doing what she could. There was no use trying to get my dad to do something he didn't want to do.
I am sorry you are going through this TryingToLearn. I wsh I had answers fr you, I don't, but I did want to share what we went through with my alcoholic dad when he was that age. I was married to an alcoholic for a long time, 20+ years, looking ahead to this kind of thing happening in our old age factored into me choosing to leave him in my middle years. I didn't want to see our lives devolve into what my parents were dealing with.
I hope you are getting support for yourself while you are dealing with an aging alcoholic. This is tough stuff and you need to make sure you are looking after YOU. *hugs*
My father was a functioning alcoholic for his entire adult life...until he wasn't. After he retired he became less and less "functional". His world got smaller and smaller as his physical health and abilities diminished. Despite his alcoholism, my father had always been a very intelligent, sharp and witty man.. by the time he turned 70 he was none of those things. In the last year leading up to his death (just weeks shy of turning) 72, you could barely carry a conversation with him. He said weird things that no one understood, or were completely out of context. When we would try to get him to explain himself he would seem very confused not even knowing why he had said what he'd said. Or he would just be so spaced out there was no use trying to talk with him even if he hadn't started drinking for the day. It was extremely hard to watch my father fail like that, what was worse was knowing that he did it to himself.
My dad actually would go to the doctor, but he ate what he wanted and drank what he wanted and didn't do a lick of exercise, despite what the doctors would tell him. He would return from the doctors office with reqs for lab work but rarely did he have any of it done. And he would lie to us and tell us the doctor told him he was "perfectly healthy".... a preschooler could have told you he was not a well man. He and my mother shared the same doctor so my mum would indeed fill in the doctor about the truth of my dad's lifestyle. Though I'm sure the doctor could see that with his own two eyes. At least mum felt like she was doing what she could. There was no use trying to get my dad to do something he didn't want to do.
I am sorry you are going through this TryingToLearn. I wsh I had answers fr you, I don't, but I did want to share what we went through with my alcoholic dad when he was that age. I was married to an alcoholic for a long time, 20+ years, looking ahead to this kind of thing happening in our old age factored into me choosing to leave him in my middle years. I didn't want to see our lives devolve into what my parents were dealing with.
I hope you are getting support for yourself while you are dealing with an aging alcoholic. This is tough stuff and you need to make sure you are looking after YOU. *hugs*
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Thank you so much Small But Mighty for sharing your Dad's story and what your family experienced. It was very helpful to me. I see a lot of similarities in my situation and just reading your story made me feel not so alone. It's really difficult living with someone who is aging and on top of it has been drinking so much for so many years and won't stop. I suppose I just wasn't prepared for such drastic changes in his cognitive functioning. Thank you again. I'm sorry for the pain you and your family experienced watching him decline.
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TryingtoLearn…...I just want to emphasize the necessity for you to get support for you....Caring for a person at this age with declining cognitive functioning is very stressful on thr caregiver and usually results in a decline in the caregiver's mental health and physical health....
In addition to talking to your doctor about it...I suggest that you might want to talk with a geriatric social worker....as, they will know where and what kinds of support are available to you for your specific situation....and, of course, what services might be available for your husband, as time progresses....
)I don't know if you live in the states...but, if you do...insurance should cover the expense of social services if you have a doctor's order for social services.....
If you don't have insurance...each county has some sort of geriatric services and will have social worker that you can see for free....You can go to the website for County Government, to get this information on how to make an appointment.....
A geriatric social worker can help you with future planning, also...which may relieve some of your anticipatory anxiety about what to do and when....
In addition to talking to your doctor about it...I suggest that you might want to talk with a geriatric social worker....as, they will know where and what kinds of support are available to you for your specific situation....and, of course, what services might be available for your husband, as time progresses....
)I don't know if you live in the states...but, if you do...insurance should cover the expense of social services if you have a doctor's order for social services.....
If you don't have insurance...each county has some sort of geriatric services and will have social worker that you can see for free....You can go to the website for County Government, to get this information on how to make an appointment.....
A geriatric social worker can help you with future planning, also...which may relieve some of your anticipatory anxiety about what to do and when....
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Dandylion I never thought about a geriatric social worker. I'm going to try to find one tomorrow. I definitely need someone who can help support me and answer the tons of questions I have. Thank you! I'll start checking out my county's website.
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My housebound AH orders it online. The supermarkets will deliver any type of booze you may want. He gets some from Amazon, also delivered. In the past he has belonged to "wine clubs" which deliver too.
The days of an A having to twist someones arm to get them their booze have gone!
The days of an A having to twist someones arm to get them their booze have gone!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
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Originally Posted by dandylion
PeacefulWater…..OMG...and, I suppose that drones will be delivering around the neighborhood, soon.....
I have had my groceries delivered for many years. I order them online. They are delivered for about £1 which is nothing, not even a coffee in a coffee shop.
So very easy, cheap and convenient. Saves me lots of time.
The supermarkets that deliver groceries also deliver booze, cigarettes.
My AH usually places one or two orders a week, so has delivery of a load of whisky and wine.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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My father has alzheimers and what you are describing are some of the behaviors he exhibited for a while before things really escalated. It eventually became a dangerous situation because he would leave the gas on, and do other things that were not safe.
I don't know what the cause is, but I wanted to throw that out there. Is there any chance your AH would go to a doctor and be honest about it?
I would get all the support you can for YOUSELF as well.
I don't know what the cause is, but I wanted to throw that out there. Is there any chance your AH would go to a doctor and be honest about it?
I would get all the support you can for YOUSELF as well.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 128
Hopeful4 - there are other signs and I have been worried about Alzheimers especially with the drinking for so many years.. He will not go see the doctor and he's not totally out of it yet to force him. I'm just being very careful and I'm going to get some help as has been suggested and I really appreciate your help. I'm sorry about your Father.
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Thank you for saying so.
I hope you keep sharing here because the focus can shift to your qualifier so much that you don't get the help you need for yourself, both emotionally and physically.
We will walk this with you. Many hugs!
I hope you keep sharing here because the focus can shift to your qualifier so much that you don't get the help you need for yourself, both emotionally and physically.
We will walk this with you. Many hugs!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,609
Hi TTL, it must surely be overwhelming.
Remember to post often. Sitting with your own thoughts can make it truly more overwhelming.
There are no easy answers here and it is a hindrance when the person won't seek help on their own. I think getting support from outside for yourself and discussing with others will lift some of the burden for you. Have you ever attended Al-Anon?
Remember to post often. Sitting with your own thoughts can make it truly more overwhelming.
There are no easy answers here and it is a hindrance when the person won't seek help on their own. I think getting support from outside for yourself and discussing with others will lift some of the burden for you. Have you ever attended Al-Anon?
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