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Intense guilt So for the last 3 days my AW (who has been living away for the last 3 months and last I have seen her was 1 month), has been calling me a lot, getting angry, hanging up on me....blaming me for a past things that hurt her (some legit). We played this game for a few days and she was shouting at me and crying and telling me I was keeping her daughter from her etc.... She changed a bit the following day, saying she wanted to set up a romantic evening at a hotel and she would let me know when and where...the hooks went in deep. Last night she called me up from her brother's place (where she now lives) and said there were people over and could not talk... I was also texting with her brother's ex wife, who was asking about my AW and I said she said people were over and that likely meant her boyfriend or someone else. She screenshotted that text an sent it to the brother and he called me fuming mad...I felt like an idiot. Worst was how he laid into me about calling his sister all the time and that resulted in her crying and yelling and keeping him up...ugh!! Feeling stupid. |
Not sure why you are feeling stupid? For getting involved in the drama? It happens. First you have your AW with erratic calls, then you have the exSIL and her screenshots and then you have the Brother. It sounds like a bad soap opera but I know, it's not, it's your experience. Perhaps taking time away from all of them is key here? It's hard to see all the facts when you are tied up in the drama. Again, it happens, life with an alcoholic comes with built in drama. |
wll…...It looks, to me, like a lot of triangling going on...… Probably a good idea to step way back from that..... Helpful hint....where arguing and and anger and blame going on....The Horizonal Tango tends to make things more confusing and complicated..... The Horizonal Tango is not a relationship fixer....it is more like an augmentation for a good relationship..... |
Hey woodlandlost, ...was thinking about you earlier. Well this is probably just the unfortunate, nonstop rollercoaster you’re still on... I don’t know why it happens but chaos seems to follow one’s life and all those around them, when you’re still involved with an alcoholic. Literally every day, there was chaos in my life... when I was with my ex. Not kidding. Every day there was something... even when she was elsewhere, I’d somehow still get tangled up in some ridiculous misunderstanding or family confusion. Not to say these situations don’t happen without addiction (re: being with an addicted partner) — they just seem to worsen or multiply! Looking back, my theory is because I was out of my mind stressed... lost... amongst so many intense feelings of inner frustration. I kept stepping into more & more issues.... and I kept my life constantly moving in circles, never moving forward... you know? Like the other suggestions... take a step back and remove yourself for a bit. And based on all your other posts that you’ve shared... her addiction... manipulation... and affair/being with her current “boyfriend” yet still playing with your mind... I highly suggest not taking her up on that hotel stay! From experience, get out of that disastrous “love triangle”!!! Nothing good will come from this. |
I get it your love is deep. Sometimes you have to let go and let your higher power take care of the situation |
Every step further from her is better for you Back away sunshine. Each time you engage you get hurt. Just keep NC unless it's Kid related. There is nothing you can do here except look after yourself and your child. I know it hurts.. God I know. But until she gets treatment she will not behave rationally. Its also gonna hurt when she stops reaching out. And it'll hurt when she moves on to someone else to enable etc. That's why you must back off for you. Surround yourself with loving people. I just know how I did this to myself.. |
Dear Woodland No need for guilt. Recovery is a process. You are among friends here who understand. One of my my estranged sisters (I have two of them) used to pull that crap about how much I had hurt her. I finally decided that everyone in my family was born hurt. Some of us decided to get into recovery and off that roller coaster. |
NO CONTACT. It's the only way to focus on your own sanity. |
No contact, no contact, NO CONTACT. A whole new world of clarity will open up after you stop engaging with her. I know it did for me. |
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