Just broke up with my girlfriend
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I was once engaged to a man who warned me, within a few months of the relationship, that he was the type of guy who flirted with women because he enjoyed the energy of that flirtation. At the time, I didn't think anything of it because I certainly enjoyed flirting too.
He smiled at me when he told me I could never be a private investigator because I was too dumb to notice that he had kissed another woman the weekend before while I was in another country. He acted as if he had done nothing wrong, and that I was crazy for being hurt because hadn't he warned me about his flirting?
And yeah, I stayed with him for a two additional years until HE broke it off, a month before our wedding. Ironically enough, our last fight happened because I suspected that he was spending way too much time with a mutual friend and I lost my temper in a very big way. He broke it off a week later because I was too controlling, abusive, blah blah blah. All I can say is that my friends and family were so relieved that he broke up with me some actually cried tears of happiness when they heard the news.
Lesson learned: you cannot have boundaries in a relationship if you are dating a bulldozer.
In regards to your list:
All I can say is that my husband, who I've been married to for 15+ years has provided me all these things, without the added burdens of an alcohol problem and a tendency to flirt/push boundaries with anybody with a pulse. Even though we have a kid, he's given me the space and room to pursue my own musical pursuits. I can't guarantee that you will find a partner who addresses all the items on your list, but I can guarantee that you will NEVER find a relationship that is a source of joy if you're willing to settle for less.
He smiled at me when he told me I could never be a private investigator because I was too dumb to notice that he had kissed another woman the weekend before while I was in another country. He acted as if he had done nothing wrong, and that I was crazy for being hurt because hadn't he warned me about his flirting?
And yeah, I stayed with him for a two additional years until HE broke it off, a month before our wedding. Ironically enough, our last fight happened because I suspected that he was spending way too much time with a mutual friend and I lost my temper in a very big way. He broke it off a week later because I was too controlling, abusive, blah blah blah. All I can say is that my friends and family were so relieved that he broke up with me some actually cried tears of happiness when they heard the news.
Lesson learned: you cannot have boundaries in a relationship if you are dating a bulldozer.
In regards to your list:
- She has an amazing sense of humor. We can sit around and talk or joke for hours.
- I can tell she loves me a great deal. I think that's never something to take for granted.
- She is always there to help me if I'm in trouble.
- She is extremely talented and beautiful.
- We have very similar tastes in music, food, style etc.
- She loves to be around me.
- She tries to support my pursuits. I say "try" because, she verbally encourages me but definitely had trouble giving me the space I needed to achieve my goals. She would get really depressed or uneasy whenever spending time apart.
- I can tell she loves me a great deal. I think that's never something to take for granted.
- She is always there to help me if I'm in trouble.
- She is extremely talented and beautiful.
- We have very similar tastes in music, food, style etc.
- She loves to be around me.
- She tries to support my pursuits. I say "try" because, she verbally encourages me but definitely had trouble giving me the space I needed to achieve my goals. She would get really depressed or uneasy whenever spending time apart.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Hey brother I feel you. You win some you lose some. At this point you have to look out for numero uno. (You) yeah it hurts to your core but you aint gonna change her she has to figure it out. And probably come to the realization that you probably lost the best thing she had in her life real talk keep up the good work brother stay sober
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
Through my experience living with an addict and my life after him, I have had to do quite a bit of self discovery and re-evaluate what I thought it meant to be loved by someone. If we do not learn from these experience we are likely to repeat the same pattern with someone else. I have posted this quote before here but will repeat it for you. I do not know who wrote this quote ....
"Someone who is worthy of your love will never put you in a position where you feel you must sacrifice your dignity, your integrity or your self worth to be with them."
For me, no contact was the only way for me to begin to heal. Hugs friend, hope you stick around and continue posting. I enjoy reading how you write.
"Someone who is worthy of your love will never put you in a position where you feel you must sacrifice your dignity, your integrity or your self worth to be with them."
For me, no contact was the only way for me to begin to heal. Hugs friend, hope you stick around and continue posting. I enjoy reading how you write.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
