I think I’m working up to telling my parents, hahaha. I talked to my brother and his fiancé for about 2 1/2 hours today and told them everything. So now several of my closest family knows. And that is such an enormous weight off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how much hope I had lost and how emotionally exhausted I was until some of that weight lifted.

I looked up Al Anon meetings near me when I read your comment, Cyranoak. The closest ones to me are about 30 miles away. Once I get a little more stability with the living situation, I’m going. Now that more of my family knows, I don’t have to make up excuses to ask them to watch my son so I can go to a meeting 👍

Thank you. It’s taken years to get to this point. I still feel the urge to pinch myself to make sure it isn’t just a nightmare, but I’m not running from it anymore.

Phoenix, 3+ years of sobriety is awesome! My most sincere congratulations to you, and thank you for the prayers for my family.

AH has been an alcoholic for years, but it’s like he’s just jumped headlong into it within the last couple of months. Previously we could have conversations and find some type of common ground, even if it wasn’t much. Now his logic is so warped that I can’t believe that this man is my husband. It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. And honestly, I think that is making it a little bit easier for me to deal with. He has changed so drastically from who he was that he’s not even the same person.

I feel like I’m losing my way a little, and wanted to ask for outside opinions. I think I’m being gaslit but I’m questioning myself too.

AH and I are barely speaking. We have been able to keep it to polite chit chat when our son is home. When he is drinking, I’ve tried not to let him goad me into arguments, and most of the time I’ve succeeded. He will say things like, “You’re so self righteous and think you’re right about everything,” “I hope you don’t damage our son,” “You need help,” “I don’t think you ever loved me, or were ever even my friend,” “You’re crazy,” “You’re one of the cruelest people I’ve ever met,” “Do you know how hard it is to have to start my life all over, again, because you won’t support me and be there for me?”
Previously, these comments would’ve sent me off to the races, trying to defend myself and explain how his drinking is hurting us. Now I just say, “Ok”, or “I don’t know”, or something equally non-engaging. But it hurts tremendously to think that he feels like I never loved him, or that I’m abandoning him.

Guess im just needing reassurance that I’m not crazy.

Well, it’s been a couple of weeks now, and although I chickened out on myself a few times, I finally talked to my parents. It went so much better than I expected. My father told my husband that if he wanted help, my father would do everything he could to help him, and that he hoped AH would choose to keep his family together and give up the alcohol. He also told him that he and my mother would respect and support my decisions regarding our marriage and living arrangements, and that if I wanted AH to move out, my father would not get involved unless AH refused to move out. AH continues to maintain the stance that he isn’t doing anything wrong, and his drinking isn’t hurting anyone... that the biggest problem is that I have an aversion to alcohol and cannot control my reaction to being around it. He did agree to move out, though, and has started looking for places... so I guess that’s a plus.

He is now drinking in our neighbors’ backyard (so he technically isn’t drinking on our property, in his words), and he has even started hiding alcohol in our neighbor’s bushes. He says he wouldn’t do these things if I would just “chill out” about the fact that he drinks “a few beers” here and there, and that he can’t believe that I would abandon him like this. He keeps saying, “I don’t think I ever really knew who you are.”

I know it sounds stupid but I keep waiting for my “real” husband to come back. I keep asking him, “what has happened to you?”, and he just rolls his eyes and tells me to stop being dramatic. My heart is completely broken. And although in my heart I know this isn’t true, I am constantly second guessing myself because I really do feel like I’m going crazy.

You’re not going crazy he is. My AH has just been in a 3 week bender of a quart of gin a day. Police, paramedics, hospitals, blackouts....these are things you don’t want your son to see. My AH was the sweetest best guy you’d ever want to meet. He turned into a monster. Now that I’ve filed and he is trying to sober up, the sweet guy is coming back. But it’s all a ruse. The nasty monster will return and I can’t do it anymore. I have been with him for 20 years, thru thick and thin, and when I filed he made it seemed like this is what he wanted. It’s a twist, manipulation and alcoholic fog. Never once have I heard I will do everything I can to commit to recovery. The best I heard was I’ll go to meetings, but that never lasts, and he drinks when he comes home from them anyway. I know how you feel. It is heartbreaking, but once we come out of our denial there really is no going back. Keep posting. The people here understand and are the best. Hugs to you. ❤️