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It has been 2 years since I left my exah. 4 months since my divorce. It still hurts. I have come a long way and on most days I keep motivating myself to keep moving forward ... but it still hurts. I still at times look back and want to call out to him and ask him why didn't it matter to him that I left ? But all there is is a shadow. All the memories we made together are nothing but a mirage . The silence haunted me the day I left and it haunts me till today. I want to stop grieving and continue picking up the broken pieces but I keep breaking down. It hurts

Yes it does. I'm nearly a decade past my divorce and it still hurts. But with time it becomes clear that the marriage did not have a chance.

Peace to you.

It's very painful. You loved someone dearly and their addiction crashed down on it.
What is in your future? You get to design it.
Are you doing anything fun today, or tomorrow?

I also still hurt after many years. Divorced 12/2010. It took me a long time to accept that I wasn't going to get closure from him, but I needed closure. I had to give that to myself.

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
amy

Raindrops, did you find your recovery, feeling better, diminished somewhat when the divorce was actually finalized?

I am just wondering if you feel that was a setback.

You had mentioned you were seeing a therapist but it seemed uncertain whether or not you would be continuing to. What kind of support do you have? Do you attend Al Anon or any other support groups (divorce support etc).

It just seems to me that since you mentioned you believe your exh was a narcissist it can be a really long haul recovering and as with all these types of relationships extra support and tools can be so helpful. People to tell your story to (over and over if required) to learn how they cope.

What do you think is your biggest hurdle in moving on?

Quote:

I still at times look back and want to call out to him and ask him why didn't it matter to him that I left ?

I believe once he left he just disappeared? Do you really accept that this had exactly nothing to do with you personally? That particular move is all about him. Obviously his behaviour before you asked him for a divorce was less than stellar (I did read some of your prior threads but you don't mention all that went on and that's fine) I'm just wondering if you are missing what you hoped to have rather than what was?

It does hurt and some days you feel strong and like you are going to take the world by storm...and then you have a day or two where everything makes your heart hurt and you grieve the good days that you had together in the beginning. We were not quitters and it took a lot to leave; just reconciling that in the heart is going to take time. I wish you all the best.