How do you or DO you EVEN talk to your Q about their recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Englewood
Posts: 76
And now—NOW- I was treated to an angry tirade because he doesn’t think he should leave the house and should have custody of our son. It’s awful. I feel so anxious and scared and alone. As far as I can tell he is not drunk or high. Now I don’t know what to do.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Talk to your lawyer. Find out where you stand.
What your ex wants isn’t going to be what he gets just because he’s being a giant bully right now.
Can you just disengage from him for the rest of the evening? Do you feel safe?
What your ex wants isn’t going to be what he gets just because he’s being a giant bully right now.
Can you just disengage from him for the rest of the evening? Do you feel safe?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Englewood
Posts: 76
Yes I’m in my bedroom right now and have scheduled an appointment with my therapist. I just really hope this doesn’t go sideways. I feel physically safe I’m just rattled. Now I’m worried that he is waiting for me to file separation papers to enter rehab just so he can “prove” he’s a better parent. These are such awful feelings.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Wait a minute, how would entering rehab prove anything about him as a parent? No family court judge with an IQ bigger than their shoe size would say "well, Mr Qualifier, you spent time in a place that treats alcoholics so therefore you are the best possible parent for this child".
I think you may be in danger of buying into his not very sensible arguments (X proves Y because I say it does). Trust your own judgment. You know more than you think you do.
It sounds like you are going through some of the worst right now - so you have my sympathy and prayers.
I think you may be in danger of buying into his not very sensible arguments (X proves Y because I say it does). Trust your own judgment. You know more than you think you do.
It sounds like you are going through some of the worst right now - so you have my sympathy and prayers.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I would think his going to rehab to most judges would indicate he has a drinking problem, so I’m not sure that’s a great strategy if he’s using that to prove that he doesn’t. Besides, rehab just opens a door; it doesn’t mean he’ll walk through it, and most judges have seen that a thousand times.
He’s poking you with sole custody threats because that’s a guaranteed way to freak you out. He doesn’t want custody...it would take time away from drinking. He just wants to hold it over your head to blackmail you into submission.
You might want to double back to your attorney with these latest developments.
Above all, stay safe, yes?
He’s poking you with sole custody threats because that’s a guaranteed way to freak you out. He doesn’t want custody...it would take time away from drinking. He just wants to hold it over your head to blackmail you into submission.
You might want to double back to your attorney with these latest developments.
Above all, stay safe, yes?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Englewood
Posts: 76
Ok ok- that makes sense- and if he said he would do it to “save the marriage?” Then it’s not really recovery. Ok I feel better now. God I can’t wait to be done with this.
Thank you all. I do appreciate the responses. It makes me feel less alone.
Thank you all. I do appreciate the responses. It makes me feel less alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
He’s poking you with sole custody threats because that’s a guaranteed way to freak you out. He doesn’t want custody...it would take time away from drinking. He just wants to hold it over your head to blackmail you into submission.
I worked for ten years in child support and access. In my experience this is spot on. I saw it time and time again. Using threat of sole custody as a weapon. In reality no way does a alcoholic want custody. Gets in the way of their drinking time.
Hang on in there. Sending strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Englewood
Posts: 76
As of today- at this moment - I am calm. I asked for peace and civility from now on and hope he can respect that. I sent my legal paperwork to my lawyer this am to begin the separation process and I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow. Each day feels years long but at this moment I feel ready to take the next step. Thank you all for keeping in touch and responding it makes me feel so much less crazy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
